We Once Took Half A Day To Calculate The Exact Metrics Of How Exactly Phat Bottom Girls Keep The Rocking

One thing all the cottagecore types either obfuscated or ignored: living in the woods in a cabin is work. The forest is perpetually trying to reclaim the cleared area. Firewood never lasts as long as you think it would, and it's heavy. We just had a really bad windstorm blow through, lost five white pines, and now I have to take a chainsaw and limb & buck them out. On top of that, there's cabin repairs to be done. Not much time for Instagramming bread or knitting.

I'm fascinated by the history of the Grand Guignol. Even read the collection of translated plays, and properly done with modern practical effects, they could still hold up today. If anything, it's deserving of a revival, possibly in concert with some dark burlesque and apropos musical acts.

So in the interests of development of life skills, I'm going to pass down a bit of wisdom that will serve you well.

When one encounters a strange, obviously old, most definitely not a copy of the Readers Digest yearly compilation book in some strange place-perhaps like on a basalt altar you found in a cave hiking, or on a bloodstained table in the root cellar of your cousin's remote hunting cabin- there are certain rules for best practices.

1. We do not touch the book. Let it lie otherwise you'll die.

2. We do not open the book. Maybe circumstances have dictated you have to pick up the book or move it. Let it stay closed.

3. FOR ALL THAT IS SACRED, WE DO NOT I REPEAT NOT READ ALOUD FROM IT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. WE DO NOT TELL OUR FRIENDS THAT THE LATIN IS FUNNY AND READ IT ALOUD TO ILLUSTRATE THE POINT OR SOUND OUT SOME GIBBERISH PHONETICALLY. YOUR EYEBALLS STAY OFF THE PAGE, AND YOUR MOUTH DARE NOT SPEAK THE WORDS.

Practice safe eldritch knowledge.

Right now, in the West Philippine Sea and South China Sea, there's an unofficial naval conflict going on between the Chinese Coast Guard, "Chinese fishing boats", and various SE Asian nations. Basically, the CCP has decided to basically seize fishing grounds, lay claim to various islands and shoals and try to gain control of the sea lanes. They've been intruding into EEZ areas of smaller nations chasing fish, and are eyeballing the enormous amounts of trade that pass through the area. There's also huge oil fields and natural gas reserves under water that China is eager to control.

"Volunteer fisherman" in special fishing boats that have been reengineered for ramming have been pushing other nations out of their fishing grounds. Much like the little green men of the Crimean invasion, these little blue men (from their blue outfits) are deniable assets used to enforce Chinese will. They basically suck as fishing boats now, but boy howdy can they damage other fishing boats.

Along with this, the Chinese have been building land onto reefs by dredging to create instant sovereignty land which they then claim. Other nations have responded with derelict ships being anchored across reefs that act as permanent bases.

Recently, during a supply run to a Philippine base ship, the Chinese Coast Guard decided to intervene and called the whole thing an intrusion into Chinese waters. They rammed the supply ship and made a hostile boarding brandishing swords, knives and axes, the Philippino sailors fought back with bare hands and whatever weapon like object they could lay hands on. A Philippino sailor reportedly lost his thumb in the fracas along with other injuries.

So, uh, HOLY CRAP. Pirates, cutlasses, boarding actions, water cannons... everything old is new again.

Sustainable energy pets.

moss-filled paw prints I just have to paint these pictures. look how cute 🌱🐾

All's groovy when the weather is nice and the cabin is comfy. Rainstorms and tea, sunny days in the hammock, idyll and pleasantry. There are a few things that you need to know, though, in order to get by:

You will need a knife. All of the time, especially when you don't have one on you. It needs to be sharp, and sturdy, and you need to be willing to use it. Tactical knives are poo for this, as are expensive ones. Find one for your pocket or belt, one you can pull a thorn with or cut an errant root.

Firewood comes by the rick or cord. Ricks can also be called face cords. A full cord or bush cord is a volume of well stacked firewood, four foot high and across, and eight feet deep. A rick is a single row four foot high and eight feet deep. Split firewood is 12-16 inches long, no bigger than three-five inches in diameter. If you can find someone who delivers, great. If you can find someone that stacks the delivery, latch on quickly and get some wood. You're going to need at least a cord for the winter, probably two, maybe more if it's really cold.

Invest in good slippers. When you wake up in the morning, or get up in the middle of the night, and the fire is down, your feet will thank you.

Have a pantry with preserved food, at least enough for everyone in the house for a week. It can be canned or jarred or dry, monotonous or varied, but if you get snowed in and can't get to the market, you can at least eat something.

The forest is going to actively take the land back. You're now locked in eternal battle with Queen Anne's Lace and blackberry canes.