Got Cornflakes For Fried Chicken & The Back Of The Box Has Its Own Recipe. Easy As Pie. "rinse Chicken

my toxic trait is simply not doing things if i don't want to do them

me trying to convince myself that the whole spectrum of human emotions is a good and necessary thing to feel even if its not comfortable while im actively experiencing emotions that make me feel like my bones are being dissolved in acid

"save me, substance abuse!" i cry. before you can moralize to me about the dangers of addiction, a noble and powerful steed gallops into the room - my horse whom i have named "substance abuse". you learn an important lesson about making assumptions. i snort a line off its back

ohh i’m a sad electronic who’s low battery oh so sad so pathetic u have to charge me you have to plug ur big strong charger into my charging hole you have to plug me in you have to push it deep you have to fill me up with your charge oughh i need your charge inside me you need to charge me

dom who sticks their fingers down your throat, asks you a question, and laughs when you try to answer

you just know when someone in customer service says “thank you for your patience!!!!” they’re fighting for their lives that day

but! we! cannot! simply! sit! and! stare! at! our! wounds! forever!

Forget about torturing your blorbos, putting them through the ringer. I'm putting my blorbo in perfectly ordinary, pleasant situations. Their tortured personality will cause them anguish anyway, making an absolutely mundane scene into the most dramatic, agony filled affair as though the world is ending and it's all their fault

I'd like to introduce everyone to this horrid thing I created about a year ago but haven't shown many people yet (probably for the best).

This is Baby. AKA The Monster. AKA Sight Tremendous and Abhorred, AKA Vile Insect, AKA A Thing Such As Even Dante Could Not Have Conceived, etc, etc. It's made from bits of scrap fabric I scrounged from various sources and is roughly the size of a human toddler. Its design is based on Mary Shelly's original descriptions of Frankenstein's creature.

But that's not all! Behold!

You can dissect this little abomination to reveal a full set of crocheted, knitted, and scrap fabric organs, all hand-stitched by yours truly!

It has a heart, stomach, lungs, liver, small and large intestine, kidneys, bladder, and, of course, a brain! So it can ponder the horrors of its own existence!

I used this pattern by Less Than Three for the heart. I ended up felting it because I screwed up most of the stitches (I was relatively new to crochet at the time). The result was a bit of a blobby mess, but oh well.

So yeah. This thing lives in my house now (my family hates it). I have yet to reap the full consequences of my hubris.