Bain Could Fucking Hotbox A Stadium If He Tried.

Talking mad shit about an article as a seasoned Alienfucker

SO. The article in question is this:

https://reelrundown.com/movies/The-Top-10-Sexiest-Aliens

I’m going to rant about why it was funny to me in a strangely not funny way. Keep in mind this is written out of sheer boredom, this isn’t supposed to be serious, but I’m criticizing this article because I want to and because its actually bullshit.

So basically the list counts as such:

10. Serleena Xath (Men in Black)

9. Queen Tyr’ahnee (Duck Dodgers)

8. Princess Neytiri (Avatar)

7. Aayla Secura (Star Wars)

6. Ella (Cowboys and Aliens)

5. Gamora (Guardians of the Galaxy)

4. Leeloo (The Fifth Element)

3. Caprica Six (Battlestar Galactica)

2. Darth Talon (Star Wars)

1. Sil (Species)

I sorted them out into four distinct categories.

I reckon you can already see why this is funny to me. Because most of their choices. Don’t look like aliens. You can’t make a list of fuckable aliens and list off aliens that look indistinguishable from humans. That just means you like humans

I can excuse Neytiri and Aayla and Talon, Gamora’ and Tyr’ahnee are on thin ice, but c’mon man. Come on man. At least put some actual aliens for the rest.

I dunno, maybe I just don’t understand the Normal Person Gaze (tm) but if you ask people who I feel like this article is for then Venom would be on there without question.

Anyways. Have a good evening.

Barbie and Marina and the Diamonds are fundamentally tied to my transmasc identity in a way i cannot explain

WHY AM I JUST NOW LEARNING MOON KNIGHT IS GETTING HIS OWN MOVIE OH MY FUCKING GOD WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN

Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children and Payday au, cause I say so.

Bain is an Ymbryne. I know they're all women, but hear me out.

Magdeline Magpie, an Ymbryne trained and set out to create a timeloop. Years and years pass, and eventually, Miss Peregrine finds a rather large magpie on her doorstep. The bird tranforms back into a more human shape, and she almost immediately recognizes the Ymbryne.

"Mag-"

"Its Bain, now, thanks."

Fuck off yes I am indulging in trans Bain I am p r o j e c t i n g

So, Bain had left and originaly intended on creating a timeloop, but eventually forgot about it. However, he begins to realize something.

Every person he finds in the Payday gang is a peculiar, and many of them dont even realize it.

Dallas? Incredible reflexes and reaction speed. He always chalked it up to survival instinct.

Wolf tends to find himself in a more canine body on certain days.

Hoxton can carefully orchestrate and manipulate what people see and how they percieve the world around them.

Chains can take more hits than any normal person should.

Joy can easily manipulate technology (similar to Angel from Borderlands 2).

Duke can turn his skin to stone. Many of his teammates don't notice, but that isn't actually a mask.

Dragan has overwhelming strength.

Sokol can withstand insane cold, and even works better in chilly environments.

Clover can see through other people's eyes. She utilizes this during heists to find out where certain guards are, and if her or her teammates are within line-of-sight.

Bonnie can gently nudge the odds of luck in her own favour. Many times this just makes a coin fall a certain way, or make her opponent throw down rock instead of scissors.

Jiro has full on clairvoyance. He can predict other people's moves to a T on a good day.

Houston finds that he can turn on any motor vehicle, even when that vehicle shouldnt ve able to turn on.

Rust oxidizes and corrodes most things he touches.

Jacket is fueled by blood and can speak through any electronic device.

Wick analyzes things much faster than the average human, and could work out a way to actually kill a man with a singular tic tac if he needed to.

Bodhi can breathe underwater, and takes on a variety of more aquatic forms to suit his needs. Need him to sneak in somewhere? Give him a drainage line that connects, he'll be in before you could say "thanks."

Sydney has the ability to sew chaos wherever she goes.

Jimmy is on crack, he's already peculiar. (Seriously though he, the whole "oh I use science to clone" thing in this au is just a cover, he can basically commit mitosis)

Scarface has the ability to "enthrall" people. Not exactly mind control but he can. "Convince". People to work with/for him.

Sangres can breathe fire. Here me out; alcohol boosts the effect. He learned this after trying to show off at a family gathering, and after a few too many sips of tequila, almost set the house on fire.

Aldstone isn't an Ymbryne but he takes the responsibilties of one. He has a generally calming aura, and can very slightly shift memories a little left from center. He's the one who told Bain about the team's peculiarities.

Vlad and Locke aren't peculiar, but both have deep connections with groups in time loops.

So basically, some big bad or problem rolls around, and Miss Peregrine needs every peculiar she can get for help. Of course, she doesnt exactly want to since a lot of them are kids. Eventually, she catches wind of a particularly interesting group of older peculiars, all banded together but existing without a time loop. She arranges for them to meet, assuming they all already know.

A lot of them are surprised, to say the least. Joy, Sangres, Duke, Jimmy, Bodhi, Clover, and Jiro already knew, but the others are quick to deny it.

I imagine Wolf has a moment of "wait that isnt a hallucination?????" when he realizes he can lowkey shapeshift.

Bain steps in, telling the other Ymbrynes to stay away from his crew, purely because he's seen first-hand what happens to peculiars up against hollows and the like, and this crew /is his family/ and he's not letting anything happen to them.

Angst possibilties? Maybe, maybe.

I've been rotating this au like a microwave in my brain for a while and I wanted to share it.

Happy Ides of March everyone

I love tumblr we have exclusive holidays like Suez Canal Blockage Anniversary and the Assassination of One Julius Caesar its fantastic

I will never not lose my shit when watching the Payday webseries. Specifically when Greta tries to be horny with Gage. My guy is Not Interested (tm). He is astral projecting through that entire scene. Theres a pretty lady leaning over him and he has the fucking blankest stare I have ever seen on a man getting his Excalibur fondled.

Updated! Now with more 80% blorbo!

Woag, artfight card be upon ye.

I hope to one day reach the level of payday posting that Yado and Bainposting and the others are on. I hope to one day join the high council but alas I started this blog for Elder Scrolls content.

- Nori

Hate that my transition goals are either Larry Johnson or a very specific interpretation of Barney Calhoun. Like i cant be a twink and a bear at the same time, brain pick a body type.

-Nori