15 Ways Gojo Annoys You

Title: Meet Cute.

Pairing Yandere!Illumi x Reader (HxH).

Word Count: 1.5k.

TW: Violence, Mentions of Blood, and Implied Kidnapping.

The first thing you noticed about Illumi was, unsurprisingly, his hair.

Black as ink, waist-length, allowed to fall in front of his face in a way that just managed to draw more attention to his dull, glassy eyes. It caught the club’s technicolor lights in a way you couldn’t really describe – distorting everything, turning it muted and silvery and dark. That was what you tried to focus on as you approached him, shouldering past people dancing and carrying drinks back to friends already too inebriated to stand. You would’ve liked somewhere more open, less crowded, but you didn’t pick the spot, and there’d be time for that later on, another day, another night.

Right now, you just wanted to talk to the strange man nursing a neon-dyed cocktail and staring blankly at the far wall.

“Hey,” You started as you reached the bar, letting your coat fall off of your shoulders, down to the bends of your elbows. The bartender glanced towards you, but you waved her off, turning to face Illumi, instead. “All by yourself?”

He didn’t say anything, not immediately. At first, you thought he hadn’t heard you, that the music was too loud or you were too quiet or he just didn’t care to entertain your attempts at conversation. But, in a few seconds, he let his head lull to the side and clicked his tongue, taking another generous sip from his drink before answering. “I wasn’t,” He said, nodding towards the other side of the club, towards a man with pink hair and his hands on a woman’s hips. You flinched, about to panic, but if there was any jealousy in his tone, any anger, you couldn’t find it. Just the slightest trace of annoyance, as if someone had stepped on his foot or cut him in line. “But I think I may be, now.”

You let out a breathy laugh, and finally, his attention shifted, centering itself vaguely on you. “Don’t worry, I got ditched too. You know what it’s like with that kind of friend – here one second and gone the next. Never with any warning, obviously, ‘cause that’d make it too easy on the rest of us.” You paused, crossing your arms over the countertop. “At least we can be alone together, though.”

Another moment of silence, just a beat longer than the last. He seemed to evaluate you, gaze flickering from your shoes to your chest to your face – all without ever making any effort to hide his inspection. When he was done, his expression seemed to change, to relax, if only enough for his scowl to soften into what was still definitely a frown, but one portrayed something more apathetic than irritated. “I was about to leave,” A glance toward the pink-haired man, just to make sure he was still busy, then back to you. “Will you come with me, if I do?”

It took you a moment to process the question.

Oh.

Oh.

That was easier than you'd expected it to be.

You nodded, a little too quickly, then remembered how to speak, stumbling over your words as you rushed to reply. “No, yeah, I’m good—I mean, I will, I—” You grabbed his hand, already tugging him towards the exit. “Let’s go.”

There was a breath of a chuckle, a brush of his bicep against yours as he stepped in front of you to take the lead. You started to let go of him, but he only took you by the wrist, in return, giving you a strange look over his shoulder. You didn’t try to distance yourself from him again.

The club was crowded, but the street outside was nearly empty, occupied solely by a handful of pedestrians and a few couples sitting on the curb, waiting for a ride or trying to sober up before their walk. If Illumi was drunk, if he was even buzzed, you couldn’t tell. He didn’t stumble, or lean on you, or seem flustered at all beyond a light flush dusted across his cheeks, just barely visible in the dim streetlights. You’d arrived after him, had half as much to drink, but you still managed to trip over your own feet, to give yourself an excuse to lean into his side and hold onto his arm as you muttered apologies. Again, if he was affected, if he cared, you couldn’t tell. It certainly didn’t show in his voice, when he next spoke. “My hotel isn’t far. You’ll make it.”

“Ah, a hotel?” Your grin widened, your head coming to rest on his shoulder. “You’re not from around here, are you?”

There really was no one on the street. You’d gotten lucky with the timing – too late to catch anyone coming home from work or heading out for their night shift, but too early for you to have to worry about people draining out of closing bars. You might've thanked him, if that'd been an option. “I’m not. My colleague and I are just in town for work.”

“Oh? What do you do?”

“I take people out.”

Your smile faltered, but barely. “Like... an escort?”

“Not exactly…” He trailed off, a smile ghosting over his lips for the first time that night. “Like an assassin.”

You didn’t say anything, for a second.

Then, you laughed harshly, loudly, until your chest hurt and you were holding onto him for support. “You’re really funny, Illumi,” You said, hooking your arm around his and dragging him off course, into a narrow alleyway – barely wide enough to let two people stand side-by-side. “C’mon, I know a shortcut. You’ll thank me in a few minutes.”

The reassurance was unnecessary. He didn’t argue, even as you led him down the side-alley, even as the streetlights faded into total darkness, even as you came to a wire fence taller than you could possibly hope to climb with any kind of dignity. When you pulled away, letting him go completely, he smiled – a full-blown smile – with that kind of ‘I trust you, but what’s going on?’ lilt. You only shrugged, clasping your hands behind your back, underneath your coat.

Before he could run, before he could react, you found the hilt of the knife tucked into your waistline, pressed into the base of your spine. One motion. Draw the blade, get it in both hands, then plunge it into his neck. Just one motion. It’d take less than a second. One motion, then it’d be done.

He caught your wrist as soon as you raised the knife, and in the blink of an eye, you were thrown forward, into the fence, his other hand wrapping around your throat to keep you in place. “I was starting to wonder when we were going to get around to this.” He was grinning wildly, now, his eyes wide and his lips pulled thin. It looked painful. It looked wrong. “Is someone paying you, or is this just a hobby of yours?”

You bared your teeth, in response, snarled, but he only tightened his hold on your wrist and you cried out, automatically dropping your weapon. You opened your mouth, but he cut you off before you could start to curse him out. “Please, don’t make this difficult. I don’t want to have to kill you so early on.”

You hesitated, but his nails dug into the sides of your neck and his palm pressed into your windpipe and you relented before he could change his mind. There were very few places you would want to be gutted by a total stranger, and a dirty alleyway wasn't on your list. “Paid,” You managed to spit out, and instantly, his grip loosened. His smile didn’t ease up, but you tried to look away. “I don’t know his name, and he paid me in cash. He just said—He said that your family fucked him over, and—”

There were footsteps, coming from the main street. You held your breath, for a moment, considered screaming, but a man’s silhouette came into view before you could, then over-styled pink hair, and…

And blood. Coating his hands, smeared across his street, spotted over his clothes. Immediately, you felt bile begin to rise in your throat.

He hadn’t been joking.

They were murderers. Fucking murderers.

Fuck.

If Illumi was alarmed, he didn’t show it. You were beginning to think he was just like that – as stoic as he was inhumanly strong. “Hisoka, is the target—”

“Taken care of, sweetheart.” He— Hisoka answered, coming to a stop at Illumi’s side. “Did kitten finally use its claws, or did someone lose his patience first?”

His hand drifted upward, forcing you to tilt your head back, then the side, inspecting you again, letting his eyes pry into you unabashedly. “Someone wants me dead.” A blunt explanation, but Hisoka seemed to understand, nodding with a slight hum. “We’ll have to be careful if we ever come back. They may actually contact a professional, next time.”

“And?” Hisoka eyed you, warily. “What do you want to do with our little stray, here?”

Finally, finally, Illumi released you, but you didn’t have time to run. His fist was already wrapping around your collar, dragging you into his chest. In the back of your mind, you realized that he hadn’t stopped grinning, not since you’d gotten him into the alleyway, not since you attacked him.

It was all you could do to hope that he'd stop, soon, and never force you to see something so monstrous again.

“I suppose every stray deserves a good home, don't they?”

phantom troupe

Outfit swaps!  🌈🐌 and a bonus tiny Weather

No thoughts just Gojo singing Reader a happy-go-lucky “Gan-ba-re! Gan-ba-re!” while he’s slowly shoving his cock into her while she struggles to take all of him inside

fkfkfkfjcjf god I LOVE that, he would 🥵 and he'd be like "you did it, yaaaay" and ruffle your hair as you're sitting there sniffling and crying, and he'd call you a baby and maybe take a few pictures (for himself of course)

God... can you imagine... fucking bully acting like "hey wouldn't it be fun if we had a baby together? :)" and acting like he'll knock you up and starts calling you pet names and how he's gonna cum any second just to watch you squirm and squeal

Other people think he calls you darling to tease you but really it's cause he considers you his lil wifey 🥰

why is it that when something happens its always you three

Yandere! Gojo Satoru x reader

reaaallly messy but i know if i don’t kick it out now i’ll never do it 

(Warnings: Yandere, stalking, breaking and entering, non con touching/ kissing, implied non-con/rape) 

Sticky notes

You’ve given up believing it was some harmless prank. 

At first, you thought they were a bit of an annoyance, if not a tiny inconvenience. Yellow scraps of paper would be hidden everywhere you could think of. Smiley faces would be stuck on your front door, crudely-done drawings would be posted on your car, hearts and short messages would be waiting for you at your mailbox. 

One sticky note had gotten embarrassingly glued to your shoe before a coworker kindly informed you of its existence. You remembered hastily tugging it off, close to chucking it in the trash can before you read: 

It’s finally Friday! Great job making through the tough week!  

You didn’t want to admit it, but it was a little sweet. 

After a while, you started to look a little forward to your ‘secret admirer’, reading the messages with a smile after a long day of work. It was nice, being appreciated. You thought it was from your neighbor’s kids, maybe it was a school project to make someone’s day. It certainly made yours. 

Then they started to get unsettling. 

Keep reading

𝐡𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐤𝐚 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐰 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐚 𝐢𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬

𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐚𝐯𝐞

illumi

Ugh, sorry for neglecting this blog. Uni is tough, after this week ill have free time to write some more pieces, Uvo and gojo stuff is coming up!