I'm Exhausted From Listening To Music,

I'm exhausted from listening to music,

Making an effort feels impossible,

Waiting seems endless,

Even the things I love feel burdensome.

Nothing I do helps me feel better.

Getting up from my bed is a struggle,

Relieving the pain feels like an uphill battle,

Accepting the pain is overwhelming.

I find it hard to validate myself,

And to give my heart the love it deserves.

What's the point of living if you can't be there for yourself?

Why did I give myself to someone without any guarantee?

I hate to acknowledge its return,

And this time its aim is ambiguous,

Which makes it all the more disturbing.

It breaks my heart,

I feel like a soul trapped in my body,

Trying to break free from these unwanted thoughts.

I feel imprisoned in my own mind and body,

My soul shackled by my physical form.

Every racing heartbeat feels like a cry for help,

As if it’s banging on a door, begging to be freed.

My mind acts like a silent watcher,

Its evil laughter echoing,

Seeming more wicked than ever.

I know this isn't me,

Because if it were, I would open the door,

And let my inner self find happiness.

I feel helpless,

Falling back into the dungeon.

And I don’t know if I'll be saved again by someone,

Or if I’m just waiting to drown and crawl back to my space.

I don't want to drown,

I'm scared like a baby.

I can hear people calling my name,

I can hear her calling.

It feels good to be called by name:

"Arundhathi... Arundhathi..."

It's my friend calling,

Pooja is calling me,

And I’m twitching suddenly.

Help, please, please ask for help.

Am I being overdramatic, or am I just a little stressed?

I don't know what can help me feel better.

Exercise, a walk, or a long talk with my friend, or making new connections?

What can I try?

Is this a poem? No.

Writing poems relieves stress,

Makes me feel like I'm good enough.

Honestly, I don't doubt my abilities anymore.

I know I'm good enough.

And poetry ensures that feeling always stays.

But this isn't a poem; it's a stream of consciousness written in verses.