Where... Where Tf Did All My Fav Smau Authors Go.... Why Have I Not Been Mentioned In Any New Chapters

hugs4shizu

2 years ago

READING CHECKMATE IS MY DOWNFALL. time to draw and write angst izuleo 🤭

1 note View Post

hugs4shizu

2 years ago

OMGGTR THERE R SO MANY ENSTARS SMAUS NOW,,, BACK WHEN I WAS QUITE NEW TO THE ENSTARS FANDOM THERE'S THIS ONE NATSJME SMAU I ENCOUNTERED (it doesn't have chaps yet during that time) WHEN I WAS READING NATSJME X READER FANFICS HELFLF IM SO HAPPY THERE R NEW OTHER SMAUS NOW TOO

Think? More like...

pairing ➤ Tsukinaga Leo x gn!s/o

genre ➤ fluff + angst with comfort

tw ➤ brief mention of 'checkmate' story

word count ➤ 431

a/n before reading: just a self-indulgent fic

Tsukinaga Leo thinks that he's in love with you.

.

Maybe it was the way you would help him come up with new song ideas.

The two of you would be sitting on the floor of an empty classroom, waiting for any inspiration to strike. Sometimes, even the King himself can't come up with any ideas but that wasn't a problem because that's when you come in! Leo can't help but admire the way you could come up with many ideas and even thought about passing his title down to you. One thing that he would never tell you is that most of the songs that he composes are about you. Having you around him influenced him into writing songs about wanting to protect what's important to him - you.

Or maybe it was the way you were the only one who could keep up with his eccentric and childish personality.

You would allow him to latch himself onto you whenever he saw you, softly laughing to yourself while you tried to pry him off you. Of course, that never worked but you didn't seem to mind. Instead, you would remain completely still, listening to him ramble on and on about his day or the new song ideas he has, patiently waiting until he finally felt satisfied.

Or maybe it was the way you were always by his side, especially when he was at his lowest. He could never forget the time you visited him every day and managed to get him to start taking care of himself.

"How are you feeling Leo?"

No answer.

You sighed. "I understand if you're not willing to talk to me but just remember that you're important to me."

No answer.

"I'll get going now," you said softly. "Take care of yourself, alright?"

Wait. Leo wanted you to stay. He didn't want you to leave him.

He grabbed your hand before you could get up from the floor. Finally, he raised his head to look at you.

"Don't leave me, please…" he sobbed, eyes brimming with tears. He held onto your hand even harder, as if you would disappear if he ever let go.

Leo felt your other hand caress his cheek and allowed himself to relax.

"I'll always be at your side, no matter what."

Upon hearing your words, he allowed himself to let all his pain out, knowing that you would make him feel better later.

Ever since that day, Leo felt grateful to have you in his life and can't imagine one without you.

.

Yeah, he's definitely in love with you.

146 notes View Post

hugs4shizu

1 year ago

sae & rin itoshi with a neglected reader part 2 / part 1 ! ✧　　⁺　➥　heavy themes, gn!reader dies, delusions, bad writing, death is accidental, not proof read

"a weird one - unlike any of the brothers" "i agree, they seem desperate" "must've been hard to be overshadowed" "hush !! if you say it that loud they might h-" SLAM

it was so bad that many people were gawking at the sight, the troubled child of the itoshi family had just punched someone. straight in the face - your knuckles where white as you kept clenching on them, shaking and their face was red. it was so bad that many people were gawking at the sight, the troubled child of the itoshi family had just punched someone. straight in the face - your knuckles where white as you kept clenching on them, shaking and their face was red.

your parents were disappointed. they gave you everything you had and you had the audacity to harm someone over some small words? maybe you are the black sheep of the family. "You need to learn how to control your anger and ..." the tears prevented you from hearing properly, words igniting a deep fire in your heart. you wanted to run away, so fast, away but something was holding you back. your neck felt like it was pinched by thorns - your eyes were hurting. "we're off." your parents stood up and walked to the door. was this abandonment? why was this scene so familiar before? it was the same hair color, walking together out of that damn door and leaving you behind - for a moment you manage to raise up your hand and tried to call out to them. "sae....rin" where are they?

life was seemingly getting better, you wore the same clothes everyday, looked at the same things everyday, ate the same things everyday. walking along the grassy fields, you don't know where you were, your legs hurt and you were dazed, the fire in your heart growing more larger by the second. it was a hot day. water. you needed water. where's water? those words seemingly registered in your brain and your exhausted legs took you to a place where it felt oh so similar. oh. it was a public pool, how nice - exactly where water was. the sounds of whirring were surrounding you. in the middle of the pool, was sae and rin in their floaties. wait. sae and rin ? really ? they looked at you with warming eyes and waved their hands at you - beckoning you to come over. you jumped into the pool. so this is where they were. you don't even question it, you were happily playing the water with your brothers - when has life ever been this relaxing? for some reason, it felt truly good to be in the water this time - that fire in your heart has been such a bother, the water in the pool dimmed it immediately.

sae never thought he was a bad brother, he just thought he had too little time. he saw your texts, saw your glances, saw you liking his every post on social ( wait he knows your user ? ) but tough luck - he doesn't know how to respond to all of this. he was devastated when the awkward relationship with rin started, he just never thought caring for your feelings.

sae doesn't know anything but football. he wants to tell you he cares and that you will always be the very best sibling he could ever have, even up until now he collects and favourites every image of the two of you together, some with rin too maybe.

to properly explain his love for you, is like this : he loves you, he really does, and he wishes he could have more time for you.

rin is so not aware of his actions - he thought that sae was being a good brother to you so he automatically assumes you have an awkward assumption about him too.

rin thinks, that sae is doing the part of brother and sister with you, without needing him. and it hurts him, he wouldn't admit it though. it hurts to have sae throw their dreams out the window and now he wants to hog all your attention too.

he thinks he's doing the most, sae has your time and he will never be able to fit in the picture. after all - only the best footplay player can properly protect such an innocent person.

it was when sae and rin walked to the beach - not expecting to see each other. oh well, they could just do a mean little bump, a hi and walk along.

when their shoulders were about to meet each other, sae suddendly stopped walking which makes rin glance over and sae tugs his arm - tightly. what? "there's somebody jumping off the bridge." sae said, a bit shakily. rin turns his head back. "is that-" rin stops. and the both of them dashed. sae called the ambulance and rin went over to the edge of the beach, trying to figure out what he just saw. he was so certain it was you, but why would it to be you? you had no reason too, right? "..." your body was gently carried out of the dark sea, not very hard to find you considering all you did was plunge down into the water. rin's body was numb, he couldn't control his limbs, he fell down. sae tried to dash over to your cold body but the authorities stopped him and told him to back away. never has he ever felt so desperate, such want for something. but.. don't you look a little weird? your clothes were tattered, rashes and bruises were placed all over your body, it was like you were abandoned on the streets. "i thought you were looking after them" rin stated - not questioning, just a statement. "isn't it the other way around?" sae replied back, wanting to push the blame onto rin. there was no way this had happened. he refused to admit that his lack of attention to you caused this. it had to be someone, rin maybe. "there's no point in being the best at something, if you cannot bested your feelings" rin spat out, pushing the blame back. sae is the oldest, right? he should have taken care of you. both of them stared at each other's gazes you were playing water with them, with cool floaties the blame wasn't pushed anymore, it was divided within their hearts you went to get a hot chocolate with marshmellows, rin and sae having energy drinks the blame was so heavy they felt the sting, feeling the coldness of your body on their faces you went home with sae and rin, hand in hand

sae and rin never recovered. the nights were as cold as a dead body. sometimes sae cried and cried, rin suddenly sharing a room with his brother again, cried too - never stopped until the morning where the sun rises and dries off the water. was this also how you felt? texts were answered years later but no responses. "i thought you were looking after them." "i thought i did enough." "what if-" "there are no what ifs anymore." silence followed. then sniffles and tears.

your room collected dust overtime, the curtains covering up your window perfectly - to block off any nosy people. sae sometimes goes inside your room, sits on the floor. rin would silently knock on the door, hoping someone would open it. sometimes, rin would find sae sitting on the floor and joins him too - as they dream of another day

a/n : for further explanation - reader was abandoned by their parents and they left reader alone, thus why eat drink and wear the same thing. they were in a state of delusion and their legs instinctively took them to the sea where they often gazed with sae and rin. even at their last moments they really loved sae and rin so ya & i found a nice discord username finally omg im happy w this one

440 notes View Post

hugs4shizu

2 years ago

HUHHHHHTHESE ARE SO COOL