Eric: The Middle East Is On The Brink Of War-

Jason, who has only seen Mary Poppins once and can't quite remember the plot: ??? So which is it????

Jason: You have that glint in your eye that either says 'I'm Mary Poppins' or 'I'm going to dump your body in that chasm river.'

Salim: We'll never know which it is!

When reading fanfic keep in mind that for professional literature: 

Short story: under 7,500

Novelette: between 7,500 and 17,500

Novella: between 17,500 and 40,000

Novel: over 40,000

Fics over 40k are literally a novel written and shared for free.  If you have written a 40k+ fic, you have literally written a novel.

Eric: Okay, give me a topic.

Jason: 9/11.

Nick: The olympics!

Joey: The 9/11 olympics!

Eric: Alright, so my choices are-

Merwin: They hit the THIRD tower, it's a world record!!

Rachel: I keep telling my boyfriend that he can't love Chappell Roan and be straight, but he does, and he is :/

Eric: I don't know about that,

Rachel: Is Nick gay???

Eric: He was last night...

Nick: You tried to join the freemasons???

Eric: No, I just looked into it!

Jason: The alphabet is somewhere between 25-27 letters.

Nick: Oh yeah, it used to be 28 but they got rid of some letters due to budget cuts.

Jason, counting on his fingers: No, yeah, it's 26.

Nick: THAT WASN'T A BIT?!?!?!?

Rachel: We don't need to know about your asphyxiation kink.

Merwin: My tinctures?

Rachel: No, I said we don't need to know about your asphyxiation kink.

Merwin: Oh, I thought you said tinctures.

Rachel: Why the FUCK would I say tinctures???

Jason: idk bro, i should probably kiss him

Eric:

Nick:

Rachel:

Salim:

Jason: what?

-eric interrogating Salim-

Eric: Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole, truth, and nothing but the truth?

Salim: no

Eric:

eric, into his walkie talkie: what do I do now?

Salim: Guys, I’ve been meaning to tell you… Jason and I are dating.

Jason, Nick, Rachel, and Eric: *gasp*

Salim: Jason, why are you surprised?!

Clarisse: What's up guys? I'm back.

Jason: What the- you can’t be here. You’re dead. I literally saw you die.

Clarisse: Death is a social construct.