Task: Flashes Orange On My Taskbar

I've rarely seen a more validating sentence in my entire life.

Not so much a writing prompt but an idea I'd like to see in a story: completely unrelated alien species keep managing to evolve into Humans, much like crabs, and the galaxy/unuverse getting increasingly annoyed about it

Do you know a recipe for an evil soup? Something to eat when you’re feeling villainous

CRUDE OIL

Mew deciding to have a ‘no float’ day

Jobs give you money in exchange for your sleep schedule

YOU WANT THE TRUTH?

THERE IS NO HLVRAI2

I LIED

Oh no, you crit failed summon monster! Instead of a monster you summon (roll a d20):

A single goblin who is unable to fight your enemies but is very enthusiastic to try

An unimpressed horse

The monster you wanted to summon, but high off its tits on acid

Ben Shapiro

An extremely confused Grey Knight Space Marine

Just a fuck ton of fancy soaps

Your own spleen

A mimic who's very embarrassed at being seen non-shapeshifted

The monster you want to summon but at 200mph

Every monster ever published in any D&D book ever all at once

The IRL game group

A heartwarming narrative about identity and personal growth in the american west

An asteroid the size of Scotland

The Discourse

An exact mental and physical copy of yourself who insists that they just summoned you

Your dad who went to the store to "get milk" 20 years ago

D&D First Edition

Late Stage Capitalism

The monster you wanted to summon but deconstructed into inch-square parts

My fist into your face. Fuck you.

I wish to be.

A little creature.

But genetics said.

"Hmm, above 6 foot".

Like the Great Value "Luncheon Meat" that is literally just Spam

I love every store brand product that tries to sound better than it actually is