In Case Anyone Finds It Helpful Because Mobility Aids Are Horrifically Expensive And Inaccessible…

hey, i heard that adhd medication causes anxiety. what's your experience with that? i have adhd and while not on a psychiatric level i experience anxiety too. so im a little skeptical about using meds...

I don't know, my personal experience with anxiety is of the "went so deep into the madness that I came out sane on the other side" sort. Instead of being scared of being in the wrong place and doing everything wrong, I accepted the assumption that I am always in the wrong place and doing everything wrong, but that it's everyone else's problem until someone has the balls to stop me.

If I'm sitting in a crowded room where everyone secretly hates me but nobody's brave enough to actually say it out loud, then I'm the most powerful person in the room. So either people don't hate me at all, or they fear confronting me about it. And that's their problem, not mine.

ik its not a curse or swear word but tell me something, as a floridian/east coast inhabitant:

bastard sounds great in an irish accent. if an irish person calls you a 'daft bastard' it just feels right

the welsh have the monopoly on things ending in hell. fuckin hell and bloody hell hit different in a welsh accent. its like music to my ears

the scots have piss and shite for sure. "its pishin it doon out there" "this is a load of shite" absolute poetry

if i may speak for the english i think we do penis related words very well. dickhead, knobhead, twat, etc.

and for all the shit we give them, you gotta admit that no one can deliver a 'goddamn' quite like an american. theres a certain weight to it that you just cant achieve in other accents. when an american says goddamn you know shit just got real

the fact that we are firmly in a time where conservatives are like "the actual founding fathers, who were slaveowners, were not racist enough for my taste" is wild

So based on what I've read so far for primers on chaos magic, I recommend starting with Condensed Chaos: An Introduction To Chaos Magic by Phil Hine, THEN getting the updated and revised and expanded editions of Liber Null and Psychonaut and also Liber Kaos by Peter J Carroll.

Caveats for Condensed Chaos:

misuse of "shaman" and similar terms (none of what is brought up relates to Tungusic peoples)

written by a neurotypical white English bisexual cisgender man, and boy howdy is the neurotypical part obvious in several areas

inconsistent capitalization for concepts, and also inconsistent comma usage

definitely a product of its time and not decolonized, which is a larger problem in chaos magic as a whole

Recommended Audience for Condensed Chaos:

pop culture mages/pagans

those interested in servitors, sigils, or chaos magic more broadly

technology mages

those who want to explore Jungian psychology in magic

As for Peter J Carroll's works... Basically the same as the above, yet also way more difficult to read if you're not used to old grimoire-esque language and writing styles.

I'd still genuinely recommend all three of these, just with the reminder to raise an eyebrow at some of the claims made.

The books I still have to read on chaos magic that I currently own are Hands-On Chaos Magic: Reality Manipulation Through The Ovayki Current by Andrieh Vitimus; Creating Magickal Entities: A Complete Guide to Entity Creation by David Michael Cunningham, Taylor Ellwood, and T Amanda R Wagener; and Magickal Servitors: Create Your Own Spirits To Attract Pleasure, Power and Prosperity by Damon Brand.

Plenty of reading left for me to do on this subject.

this. im so sick of it ppl hearing ab how i grew up with two somewhat-upper-middle-class parents and how everything was paid for and assuming that that meant my childhood was trauma-free. first off, i fucking didn't - i had to move away from my biological mother and my siblings when i was young. yes i understand my situation was much better than most of my friends' growing up, yes i understand that my life would be much different than right now if my stepmother had not adopted me, yes i understand the volume of opportunities for me now vs the opportunities i may have had if i had stayed in brasil - but you dont seem to understand that there's more to parenting than material coverage. i shouldn't have to go in depth about the emotional and psychological neglect and abuse i experienced in that household to some random person who tells me how lucky i am to have lived with someone who has the biggest white savior complex i've ever seen in my life. even my fucking father shames me for this, talm bout "we only have so much time on this earth for you to come around" well maybe i never will come around papai how about that?? maybe you'll never get back that relationship we had because u refuse to acknowledge the bullshit ur wife put me through - ur only son, ur blood.

if im not gonna take that shit from my father what the hell do u think im gonna say to u?

hate when someone asks how are you and you say good how are you and they say "oh not so great" or something. it's always like ohh okay i see we're being honest i thought we were playing pretend. can i have a do-over

my problem is, i dont give a damn when random folks say this shit to me because there are no emotional stakes -- i have no clue who the fuck u are and vice versa so i dont give a damn telling u to fuck off all the way to the deepest depths of the ocean.

its when ur friends and family says this shit to u.

because u know most of the time, they're trying to understand. they're not TRYING to be transphobic, meaning their intention is not to make me feel badly about my identity nor my decision to medically transition. it still makes a pit drop in my stomach every time i have to defend myself in a gods-be-damned debate about my personal autonomy; and i have no idea how to tell friends and family and people i love that they're pushing a negative stereotype without realizing while also begging for the eradication of discrimination and oppression within their own marginalized communities -- essentially acting hypocritical without meaning to because they don't fucking know any better which is why they're talking to me about it.

i love teaching. i love informing people and having discussions and learning from anyone i can, even kids -- i guess im just tired of being a walking example to teach people about how to interact with queer or disabled folks. im a normal human being who's grown and who's made their own decisions for the past decade.

people have invented so many different ways of rephrasing "don't transition" to sound plausibly progressive enough to bystanders that they'll think trans people are over-dramatic for reacting negatively to it.

medical transition is permanent so you should really consider it thoroughly and put off trying it unless you know for sure. yes, just keep second guessing yourself. 6 months, 3 years, 20 years...

you might not like how you look. other people might not like how you look. you might not look cis. don't you want to be desirable? do you want to risk feeling worse and more insecure? you look so good now! we think you're so hot right now, and you wouldn't want to change your body and make it not hot to us, right?

you are so valid if you don't transition. you don't need to transition. no one needs to transition. it's just cosmetic, it's just aesthetic, it's all optional and means nothing at all. (no, of course this is unrelated to arguments used for insurance not covering transition, or doctors denying care.)

why do you even want to transition? are you trying to look cis? are you trying to adhere to beauty standards? are you doing this to look hot? that's regressive and outdated and assimilationist. (if you want us to take your politics seriously, you shouldn't transition)

it's a waste of resources/privileged/bourgeois to transition. it's kind of morally suspect that you would transition and still ask for help ever in your life. why should we support someone who's transitioning if they're obviously not oppressed anyway.

DIY HRT is too dangerous. you could hurt your body. you could get arrested. your life will probably end if you take HRT. if you can't access HRT legally, you just shouldn't take it. not for transphobic reasons!! just for your own sake <3

like when will it end