hii im vita!! she/her so469sp //sp kyman stutters creekenny & weidi // english is not my native language ;( //ALSO moved to @hatsunevita due to the change of the main fandom ^^
163 posts
Slight Eric Cartman/ Kyle Broflovski
'Drugged by mommy'
Summary/ warning⚠️ : this is a against fic; addictions/ may suggest sexual harassment/ sensitive topics. Your girl Liane ain't it in this fic (she's kinda awful)
Author's note: I'm finally slowly getting out of my writers block u guys! I'm excited to get back with writing, having a lot of stuff planned 🙌🏼!
~~~~~~~
Eric curled up in bed covering his ears with his blankets, loud moaning being heard by the next room. It wasn't something uncommon atleast not something he's supposed to be in shock from, genuinely he didn't seem to care. He was numb by these noises, they had become his own sick twisted lullaby, a quick method to go to sleep, a signal to do so.
He wanted to fall unconscious by the comforts and protection of his blankets bringing him warmth and a shielding effect to it, being left with the sheltering feeling of his bed. Forgetting it all, but his mother's screams full of last and pleasure have never been as louder then that dreadful night, he feared his mother was being raped outta instinct but by this point he's figured out she seemed to enjoy it. After a couple of internet searches and how Kyle explained to him about 'sex' after that one time he made himself look like a fool infront of the new kid and his coon pals. He genuinely thought Kyle was fucking with him, but once he navigated the internet he soon realized the truth.. his mother's a.. he found pages of people dedicating and even having a carrier over such thing! He couldn't believe it, it was eye opening.
They called it 'porn' that same crap Kenny was so obsessed with, and for his own awful luck he had found his mother appearing in a couple of thumbnails. No child should ever witness their parents expose themselves like that, sell themselves..
But that wasn't what bothered him the most, it was the strange men she'd bring. Complete intoxicated strangers. He sniffed, small tears popping in the corner of his eyes.
Hearing heavy footsteps walk through the hall a whole different contrast to his mother's, and the doorknob of his room began to budge turning fanatically a couple of times as if the stranger attempted to trespass his only safe place. Which was probably the case, it wasn't the first time that has happened neither would it be the last. Though, now he's learned the importance of locking his door room.
He gulped hearing a light knock, "sweetie, it's me."
He closed his eyes for it to appear he was fast a sleep, but his mother knew him too well.
"I know what're your trying to do, Eric. That won't work on me, now opened this door and don't be naughty."
He groaned, sitting on the edge of his bed, reluctantly walking towards his door and opening the door slightly, peeking through the small gap.
His mother gave him a small smile, which he took as innocent and apologetic. She hold on to a cup of tea.
"Brought you some tea for you to relax, I know you're probably having difficulty to sleep for the big event tomorrow, poopsikins."
He won't deny that was something he was actually looking forward to, he accepted the cup and took a sip before walking back to bed.
His mother stood there in the the door frame, the door wide open as he cautiously continued to drink the tea eyeing her up and down skeptical. She seemed saddened but her smile never faded, however her eyes we're sure telling.
He drank the last sip, and suddenly his body felt relaxed and his head all giddy. He layyed back flat against his mattress he saw his mother approach him pampering in whispers while she caressed his hair and kissed him in his forehead affectionately.
He doesn't remember all too well what happened next, however he was awaken by sirens, and a police officer asking if he was feeling okay. His mother was cuffed but she looked away from him as she was dragged that night in a police car. The officer who stood by his side gesture him to follow, taking him outside as he was greeted by a crowd of noisy people watching everything unfold.
Some looked at him with pity, others in shock, then there's was concerned. He managed to see his friends in the crowd all looking concerned seemingly just waken up by the commotion, he still felt himself dizzy, but there was something in the pit of his stomach that was telling him his mother had got themselves in trouble for real this time.
The police cars lights almost blind him as he was shoved inside, he watched the crowd of people get smaller and smaller as it drove off.
"Do you recognize this man?" The chief asked him while gesture a man with a black coat and curly black hair, pale skin just as a perfect description for a vampire.
He denied with his head, still seemingly confused by the whole thing, he felt tired like if he hadn't gotten an ounce of sleep, "no."
"He was an undercover cop, boy. Your mother has been in the wrong ropes for quite a time, we just needed some actual proof that she was in the business."
"What business?"
The chief place a hand on his shoulder which gesture made him arched a brow for, "son, I'm afraid your mother is a no good whore."
He slapped the officers hand off him in disbelief and annoyance, not caring for any negative responses from that.
"Okay." Was the only thing he managed to mustered, that still doesn't make any sense on to why she'd be cuffed when she's alway been participating in those type of jobs since he remembers and still, she's never gotten in trouble for it.
Actually he was pretty sure his mother and the chief had gotten it going at some point, which makes this even more irritable.
The chief rub his hand bitterly but didn't comment anything about it, "Howie here, pretend to be a client for the night. We take are job serious, we needed to prove certain rumors being true."
"What rumors?"
"Eric, has your mother ever made you dance for men while being intoxicated and doing inappropriate things with the men she brought home while you were watching?".
His eyes widen, in fact, she had.. but would it be right to admit that? It was embarrassing and humiliating.. but by his expression it was enough for the chief to realize that was in fact right.
He said nothing looking at the ground as it were the most interesting thing in the world, he genuinely didn't want to be there. He wanted to be back home and wait for his mom to reappear and make him his favorite pastries. Like none of this have ever happened.
Ofcourse that wasn't gonna be anytime soon.
For his dismay he was taken in by the Marshes, Sharon has taken pity over the situation and somewhat felt she had to do something about it. He wasn't allowed to see his mother until her trial which will be in a month.
Being driven to Stan's has never felt longer, as the social workers dropped him off and he was greeted by a saddened Sharon who hug him lightly before letting go. Stan peeking from her side with an awkward expression, both looking at each other not knowing what to exchange, tension forming but was quickly broken as Randy showed up from the kitchen walking by the living room. A shirt in hand as he shoved it on him abruptly.
"Randy!" Mrs. Marsh smacked him on his back in shock, "What do you think your doing!?"
Stan looked at his father just as offended but said nothing.
"If there's gonna be more people in this house it means more free publicity for our weed business," he then mustered quietly but not quiet enough, "Besides, a case like his is gonna bring quite an attention on us."
"Dad!" Stan shouted angrily, incredulous.
Eric was unfazed by the whole ordeal, just bothering to fix the hemp shirt adjusting well on to his body.
"See? He gets it," Randy shrugged the obvious glaring, nudging Stan lastly as he went back to the fields.
Mrs Marsh gave him one more small apologetic smile before walking to the kitchen telling Stan to take Eric to the guest room.
Stan kicked the floor lightly, "so.."
"I don't want to talk about it Stan. I don't care." He blankly admitted causing Stan to look at him bewildered. Eric shrugged dismissing his reaction, "let's just do something skewl I'm bored outta my mind."
Not long after his arrival to the Marshes he figured out why Stan complained so much about his home (a couple of hours to be in fact); everthing smelled like weed, even the bathroom.
Though, he won't deny having dinner among a somewhat family was nice, in a sense.
He got along with Shelley so it wasn't hard to make conversation with her, they actually shared a lot of the same taste in music/fashion/ idols. So topics to bring up we're easy between them.
There was a door knocking heard from downstairs but he didn't pay much mind to it just pacing around Shelley's room complaining of the ongoing hype people were doing over the weekend's new partner, as if he didn't have more girlfriends than someone could possibly count on.
Footsteps were heard rushing upstairs, and a following interruption brought by Stan and two other guys; Kyle and Kenny.
They glance at him with the same awkward expression Stan had gave him with his arrival. He hated it so much.
"Always ruining the fun, turds." Shelley commented while putting some headphones on now scrolling through her phone.
"C'mon Cartman," Stan commented while dragging him outside by the sleeve, towards his room.
Kenny closed the door as all three pair of eyes layyed on him.
"Goddammit! Quit it you guys." He spat glaringly, "it's fine, I've never been better," rolling his eyes lastly trying to push the subject elsewhere, "let's play video games."
The three boys shared a look before reluctantly just doing that.
••••
Eric grunted once again, as he was not able to focus on the game with Kyle anxious leg bumping again his. It was starting to annoy him and also, Kyle has been losing to many rounds for his liking.
"Can you quit that?" He sneered at the redhead earning a glare that immediately faded to a pitiful stare.
"Sorry," he replied back, which made Cartman throw his controller to the ground outta frustration causing his three friends to flinch in surprise.
"DON'T FUCKING APOLOGIZE!? WHY ARE YOU APOLOGIZING!?" He screamed outta the top of his lungs, now dashing outside in a fit of rage. Not knowing his redhead friend ran behind him.
"Cartman," He called out calmly, closing the front door of the house and standing still on the porch as he watch Eric who had sat down on the first step in a slouch manner, "you can talk to us."
The boy rolled his eyes to that, "I'm fine. Why can't anyone get that?"
"How are you gonna be fine after that?"
Eric stood up grabbing some tool that was carelessly left there, "it's not like she raped me, Kahal," he sneered once more tired of having to explain himself, noneless to his archrival. He threw harshly the tool twoards some crops visualizing from afar Randy and Towelie sneaking inside credigree farms.
"We should go check that out," he stated trying to move pass it, but Kyle ofcourse wouldn't let him do so.
Kyle gripped on the back of his shirt, practically yanking him towards him.
"Stop trying to run away. It's not gonna work on me and you know it."
"And what do you expect, Kyle? Do you expect me to drop all my sob story to you like if we we're all buddy buddies!?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" The redhead glared at that.
Eric scoffed, "let's be for real here, Kyle. We're not friends, we've never had, I hate you, you hate me. So stop acting like you give a fuck."
Eric felt Kyle loosen his grip letting him go. He took this as a sign that it was his chance to run off as Kyle seemed to be left with out anything else to say.
Before even managing to go down the porch stairs Kyle pushed him off making him fall flat on to his stomach.
"WHAT THE F KAHAL!? WHY DID YOU DO THAT FOR," He whined out trying to stand back up but a pissed off redhead boy prevented him from doing so; lounging himself on to him being left on top of him while gripping on to his collar, fanatically shaking him.
"You really think you could make me believe we're not even remotely friends by this point, fatboy?"
Eric nervously looked away as Kyle's nose brushed against his. Talk about personal space huh.
Kyle with his free hand gripped on to his chin forcing him to look directly at him, "look at me when I'm speaking to you, Eric."
He gulped and he swore Kyle could feel that, "what else do you expect me to believe?"
"After all the shit we've been through, makes us something right? I've gone through hell because of you and I'm not gonna let you pinned down my efforts as nothing more than just rivalry," Kyle spoke, still not letting go of his collar, "Eric, I'm really, REALLY sorry about your mom.."
Eric's expression softened.
"It's really fucked up she made you do those things. And I just- you can't just shrug that shit off and act like it didn't happen?"
"What did you think I was doing all these years, asshole?" He spat almost bitter, the fact that he unintentionally opened himself to Kyle, a slip of tongue about something so vulnerable and very personal of his.
He cursed himself internally as he saw Kyle soften in bewilderment.
He pushed Kyle away and this time he managed to escape the interrogating noisy ginger.
i like to think that every time cartman agrees with kyle on something, kyle gets really confused and subconsciously waits for cartman to start an argument so it goes like
kyle: …Yes, so that’s what I think.
cartman: Cool, I think so too.
kyle: What?
cartman: What?
kyle: Aren’t you gonna argue?…
cartman: Why would I? Your point sounds reasonable.
kyle: No, wait, that’s… that feels kinda weird. What about the part when I said that I formed my opinion based on that one research? Aren’t you gonna check it to see if I didn’t make it up by myself?…
cartman: Wtf, Kyle, you want me to argue with you??
kyle: No, I don’t! …But maybe you should check the last fact I talked about, now that I think about it, the source doesn’t seem very reliable.
cartman: ???????
OH MY GOD I NOW NEED A WHOLE FUCKING AU BECAUSE THIS IS A FAMILY
“that’s besides the point” I CANT EVEN BMMZKXJXKXXN IM ACTUALLY IN MY BED SHOUTING IN MY PILLOW RN BECAUSE THISSSS IS SO CANON I CAN ACTUALLY HEAR KYLE SAYING THAT.
and then kyle talks to kids, over and over again, gives them personal space, time to adjust, helps them with their homework and lets them see that he and yentl dont hate each other. and he celebrates each little win in a fight for their acceptance. istg one day he rushes into his and cartman’s bedroom to wake him up and shout victoriously “Moisha just asked me to help him with his Maths homework, and I did, and he smiled at me and said I’m pretty smart for such an annoying asshole!!”
and cartman who is still sleepy barely understandable asks “Moisha called you an annoying asshole?” and kyle smiles so widely and says “YES” and hugs him because he has never felt so happy for being insulted
kyle that actually tries to get along with cartman’s kids and suddenly feels extremely nostalgic because they act exactly like cartman in his childhood, and even if they are little monsters he still adores it, surprisingly for himself. meanwhile eric himself is trying his best to forget all those horrible things he did in his past because he feels so ashamed and now he absolutely refuses to admit that his kids might be pretty similar to how he was when he was ten.
one day kyle is watching kids playing in the front yard from the kitchen where cartman stands next to him and cooks them both a breakfast. they’re sitting in comforting silence, both still sleepy, with messy hair, wearing their pyjamas, and at one moment kyle sighs dreamily and mumbles something like “Wow, some things really don’t change, huh…”. eric just raises an eyebrow not quite understanding what that was about, so he says “Sorry?” and waits for elaboration. kyle chuckles and wordlessly nods in the kids direction. eric smiles, not even looking at them and says “Yeah, they’re such angels”, to which kyle only laughs and says “Dude, they’re more like little devils. I mean, they’re little copies of you in your childhood”. cartman immediately frowns and gets extremely defensive like “What the eff, Kyle, they’re not at all like I was. My kids would never be like that, I won’t let you disrespect them at my house”, and kyle just sits there with a smile looking at how kids outside are trying to burn an orange stuffed voodoo bear in a silly little green hat with a note “kyle” on him. cartman finally turns his head to see what they are up to, and then he barely holds laughter adding “Well, maybe there is just one similarity”.
@bloogers-boogers THANKS A LOT FOR YOUR HEADCANON I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT KYLES INTERACTION WITH THE KIDS
kyle that actually tries to get along with cartman’s kids and suddenly feels extremely nostalgic because they act exactly like cartman in his childhood, and even if they are little monsters he still adores it, surprisingly for himself. meanwhile eric himself is trying his best to forget all those horrible things he did in his past because he feels so ashamed and now he absolutely refuses to admit that his kids might be pretty similar to how he was when he was ten.
one day kyle is watching kids playing in the front yard from the kitchen where cartman stands next to him and cooks them both a breakfast. they’re sitting in comforting silence, both still sleepy, with messy hair, wearing their pyjamas, and at one moment kyle sighs dreamily and mumbles something like “Wow, some things really don’t change, huh…”. eric just raises an eyebrow not quite understanding what that was about, so he says “Sorry?” and waits for elaboration. kyle chuckles and wordlessly nods in the kids direction. eric smiles, not even looking at them and says “Yeah, they’re such angels”, to which kyle only laughs and says “Dude, they’re more like little devils. I mean, they’re little copies of you in your childhood”. cartman immediately frowns and gets extremely defensive like “What the eff, Kyle, they’re not at all like I was. My kids would never be like that, I won’t let you disrespect them at my house”, and kyle just sits there with a smile looking at how kids outside are trying to burn an orange stuffed voodoo bear in a silly little green hat with a note “kyle” on him. cartman finally turns his head to see what they are up to, and then he barely holds laughter adding “Well, maybe there is just one similarity”.
@bloogers-boogers THANKS A LOT FOR YOUR HEADCANON I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT KYLES INTERACTION WITH THE KIDS
They're warming up to him
NSJXNXJSNDKX THANKS A LOT I AM LITERALLY CRYING ????? i dont usually draw tho its a veeeery rare occasion😭
heyyyy !!! i saw a person asking me about my other sp otps (yep thats surprising but kyman is not my only pairing hehe) sooo ive done this
btw i absolutely can’t draw so i’m sorry for how ugly it may look
i also love stenny, clybe, bebe/red, steek, kytters, clenny and staig a lot!!!
also this kinda looks like a template so i’ll leave it here
and aww @bloogers-boogers thanks a lot for asking!!!!! also wanted to say that your choice of otps is sooooo great like rlly i dont see enough ppl liking ships like jimthan or kenman!! and our taste is a bit similar because YEPPP KYMAN CANDY AND JIMTHAN SHARING (almost) THE SAME DYNAMIC IS SO TRUE!!!
heyyyy !!! i saw a person asking me about my other sp otps (yep thats surprising but kyman is not my only pairing hehe) sooo ive done this
btw i absolutely can’t draw so i’m sorry for how ugly it may look
i also love stenny, clybe, bebe/red, steek, kytters, clenny and staig a lot!!!
also this kinda looks like a template so i’ll leave it here under the cut
and aww @bloogers-boogers thanks a lot for asking!!!!! also wanted to say that your choice of otps is sooooo great like rlly i dont see enough ppl liking ships like jimthan or kenman!! and our taste is a bit similar because YEPPP KYMAN CANDY AND JIMTHAN SHARING (almost) THE SAME DYNAMIC IS SO TRUE!!!
Thing that I noticed about Mysterion and had been thinking about ever since:
Outside of the all "logical" ones, one of the main reasons why Mysterion is so much more important for Kenny's character than his other alter egos, is that we can finally see his facial expressions. His emotions.
Yeah, most of the time he's being all that grumpy and never really smiles as Mysterion, but we can have that from his other alter egos. What we didn't have, is his confusion, astonishment, displeasure.
And what gets me the most: His face when he's dying :(
Idk if it's just me, but I find that so?? Important. So much more important than just the unhooded ones
was thinkin' because of a tumblr post i saw
so i doodled a quick thing... i haven't rly thought through how i'd draw adult cartman in my style so take this with a grain of salt
@bloogers-boogers @hatsunevitu (this is a joke about Cartman’s dad for anyone that didn't get it)
@bloogers-boogers @hatsunevitu (this is a joke about Cartman’s dad for anyone that didn't get it)
Got this from @hatsunevitu post I laugh my ass off reading you two @peppered-saltine
I have a headcanon that Kenny has a very loud laugh without his hood. He's the type of guy to actually wheeze, squeak and punch his knees when he's laughing
We know that he has a high-pitched, but very soft voice compared to others. Still, when he laughs in the show, we can clearly hear his laugh, even when he's in a huge crowd. His laugh is loud and shrill
So imagine this, but unhooded. The contrast between his soft voice and annoying (/pos!!) laughter. I like to think he'd sometimes surprise people like that :D
Kinda unrelated, but another headcanon: He unironically giggles when his friends show him memes. He'd type "JDDJJDHDRHDKFZHSHF" in reaspond to a funny meme, and he ACTUALLY laughs like that irl.
(shout out to the clip where he dies out of laughter lol)
i love how stan marsh is canonically the biggest ally and closeted bi or gay in south park
i bet kyle “accidentally” sends cartman “happy father’s day” picture every goddamn year
have you ever been insanely jealous of what two gay fourthgraders have
idk where i saw this meme but i immediately decided to re-draw it
what is black and white and red all over? a blushing penguin :)
kyle: I am not getting into any more stupid fights with you, it’s not even worth my time.
cartman: Water is not wet.
kyle: How the fuck is water not wet it’s fucking water.
I need to share with someone but like...Icicles by The Scary Jokes is just Kyman angst from Cartman's perspective to me and I just UNGH
i dont know you but youre so. damn. right.
YES JUST YESSS. and the whole vibe of this song reminds me of cartman (maybe my headcanon version of his like 17 yo)
kyle is the type to actually brush his teeth, chew a gum and use breath mints before every date with cartman
and cartman laughs at him for that like “omg u put so much effort into looking good for me dude that’s totally gay” and kyle just looks at him disgustedly and says smth like “u might put some as well because u fucking stink” and cartman goes offended “wtf thats how an actual man should smell. not like you can get it tho”
i’ve been rewatching deleted scenes from south park and why the hell do i see so few people talking about this moment
like what the fuck why did matt and trey do this?? was this really an original idea???
(took the moment from this youtube video)
guys he doesn’t even see anything creepy in this like come on he’s so fucked up. oh god. what do you think he does with these records? does he listen to them on his own?
do you think he sometimes just re-listens to kyle saying nice things to him? or, on the contrary, just listens to their usual fights and laughs? that he just lays in bed not being able to fall asleep so he opens the recording app and he genuinely smiles and feels less stressed because things seem so normal and comforting when he hears kyle, because their fights are like one of the few constant things in his life? i know it’s a deleted scene but matt and trey did write it in the script and animated it so am i wrong for considering this as canon?
i love the fact that although kyman is often considered in the fandom to be totally one-sided, their rivalry actually can’t possibly be one-sided because, come on, kyle just keeps reacting to cartman’s actions even when he knows it’ll only make cartman want to fight more.
like, let me explain what i mean. i’ve rewatched the s13e13 “dances with smurfs” that is basically an episode about wendy and cartman and their rivalry. y’know what happened there? wendy just ignored cartman as much as it was possible and when ignoring was no longer an option she just played along with cartman to defeat him in his own game. the purpose was in solving this problem and stopping cartman’s annoying actions. after that she continued ignoring him. that’s a behaviour of a disinterested in cartman person.
others? we’ve seen so many times when cartman started pestering stan, butters, kenny and other people, and they were rather annoyed and irritated, sure, but they all understood that the best way to get rid of cartman was just to totally ignore him and not give a single shit about what he’s up to, so that he loses his interest. And this strategy works ‘cause the main purpose for cartman is to get a response, a proper reaction.
and kyle, of all people, is the only one who keeps fighting and responding cartman, giving him the reaction he wants. it’s almost like he’s enjoying this, y’know. i mean, would you really get into fights and arguments with a person you don’t give a shit about every time you’re given a chance? doubt it. cartman starts it but kyle continues it – and that’s what makes kyman so wholesome. this mutual obsession.
and they both know that kyle will keep answering cartman because they both can’t live without this and they generally enjoy this fighting process and, moreover — they both need it.
and everyone knows that.
stan marsh sees two guys literally just standing next to each other and be like “oh wow is this another reason to doubt my sexuality?”
girls say that they’re bi and then they’re attracted to
the description that i wrote down is basically just this LMAO
but the au itself is about high school!kyman who started dating one day, which was absolutely unexpected, new and confusing for them, so they’ve decided to keep it a secret from everyone for a while, so as not to get negative reaction from their friends. they were trying to think of a proper way to tell other people the news (it was mostly kyle though, because cartman didn’t really care what others would say), and while they still haven’t come up with anything good, they just kept fighting and “hating” each other so others wouldn’t suspect anything unusual (which, honestly, wasn’t really difficult considering that kyle still hated cartman’s bigoted and terrible behaviour).
and they genuinely thought they were doing just great, but literally everyone understood something changed between them after, like, a week or two of their fake rivalry. because kyle is now waaay too slow and hesitant when he has to answer familiar “stfu cartman” when cartman starts pushing his buttons. and eric himself acts strangely protective and defensive when butters supports him in insulting kyle. he goes like:
cartman: Haha, you suck, Kahl!
butters: Hahaha yes, you tell him, Eric!!!
cartman, looking ansolutely insulted: Butters, shut the hell up, what the fuck, man, that was totally unnecessary, who even gave you the right to insult him with me.
butters: But that’s what i usually do…
cartman: Well no you don’t anymore.
butters, confused af: Uh, fine, Eric… So, you don’t hate Kyle anymore?
cartman: What? Pffft, sure I do, he’s a sneaky no good jew.
and then after, like, almost a month, when they are both absolutely sick of hiding and pretending, they finally want to come out to their friends.
kyle: So, basically, I, um… we are kind of together now.
kenny: (Oh. Yeah, we know.)
kyle: What? What do you mean you know?
stan: Well, it was kinda obvious, guys.
cartman: How the hell could me dating fucking Kahl be obvious?
stan: Dude, you were hanging out together any time you were given a chance.
kyle: No, we weren’t–
stan: “Sorry, Stan, the teacher said I have to do this project with Cartman, can’t do anything about it”. Seriously, dude? You would stare at his neck licking your lips, like, at least once a day. Fucking disgusting. Me and Kenny were betting on how long it would take you to finally come out.
kyle: What?! And you didn’t tell anything??
stan: Come on, Kyle, I swear to god, I saw you laughing and smiling when he called you gay while you were arguing. It was too funny to watch without interfering.
kenny: (Yeah, you were smiling almost every time he started insulting you.)
cartman: Ha! Told ya your acting skills suck!
kyle: You suck!
cartman, shrugging: Wow, dude, we just came out, don’t you go spreading all our love life details yet.
kenny, laughing loudly: (That was a good one, bro!)
kyle, blushing and fighting the urge to break cartman’s neck: Don’t give them wrong image of our rela… our thing, you fat asshole.
cartman, smirking: Yep, that’s exactly what you called me last night.
stan, trying to hide a smile: Gross, dudes.
kyle: It’s– I– UGH just– Just… fuck you, guys.
kenny: (All of us? You’d better save that for Cartman ;))
and they would NEVER shut up with this kind of jokes.
i understood i have a huge fucking hyperfixation on kyman when today while i was thinking about a kyman au in the shower i realised that i’m about to have a panic attack so i got out of the shower as quickly as possible to write down a short description of this au so i don’t forget it and then i just continued crying and shaking
i understood i have a huge fucking hyperfixation on kyman when today while i was thinking about a kyman au in the shower i realised that i’m about to have a panic attack so i got out of the shower as quickly as possible to write down a short description of this au so i don’t forget it and then i just continued crying and shaking
did i mention i love kyman crossovers? i have come up with a kyman au that is a crossover with infinity train.
first of all if someone has no idea what infinity train is, that’s a cartoon about an odd train with an endless amount of cars in it. people get to this train suddenly, and they have a green flashing number on their hand, each is individual. it represents the main psychological trouble a person has. number can go up and down depending on how far a person is from solving the problem. the main aim of the train is to help ppl solve their trouble and make peace with themselves. (for example the main character of season 1 was a girl whose parents were divorced, and she blamed herself for that. she could only get off the train when she realised she’s not responsible for their decision and sometimes things change for the better)
so basically m4 + butters got to the train to the different cars each, but eventually they would find each other. i think first of all kyle found someone like butters or kenny, and cartman found stan. they would wander around through all those cars trying to understand the meaning of the numbers. when they finally all met up they saw that everyone’s numbers are different (butters has the biggest one and kenny has the least one) except for kyman because they share the same number. and it really pisses them off, because they have no idea why the hell they have something (anything) in common. so they’d start arguing and fighting AND THE NUMBER SUDDENLY WENT UP.
cartman: Aye! Are you copying me or what?
kyle: What are you talking about, Fata– oh! Your number! The same as mine…
cartman: Yeah, Kahl, that’s what I wanted to ask you about!
kyle: I have no idea why it is this way. Probably a coincidence?
cartman: What are the odds of this, huh?
kyle: I don’t know! And fuck off already, I’m already pretty sick of hearing you again.
cartman: You’re sick?? I’m the one who is forced to stay in a godforsaken closeted space with fucking Kyle!
kyle: Ughhh, it was much better to walk with Kenny, you fat fuck.
cartman: Yes, I also prefer Stan’s company muuuch better! …Wait.
kyle: Huh?
cartman: The number. It changed. It was 167 and now it’s 176!
kyle: …Mine too…
cartman: So they are connected.
kyle: I guess they are…
cartman: Oh, screw it, now my number is connected to the jew’s number! That’s not good, I swear it’s a bad luck…
kyle: Shut up already, would you?? I’m trying to think. You made our numbers go up.
cartman: Oh, so now it’s my fault?!
kyle: Whose else could it be?
cartman: My number was totally fine until I met you! I bet you did something to it and now because of your tricks I’ll never leave that train and never go home and that means I’ll never eat my goddamn KFC dinner my mother had promised me today.
kyle: Oh, so that’s the only thing that bothers you??
cartman: No, it actually bothers me a lot that I’m stuck here with you, of all people!!
(lmao btw the numbers are not random, 167 is a number of s16e7 “cartman finds love” and 176 is “ginger cow :D)
so they fight a lot and their number goes up and up, and then cartman does one small nice things for kyle and number goes a but down, so he realises the number depends on their friendship??? so he starts using it trying to act nice and good to kyle (not genuinely ofc)
cartman, opens the car’s door for kyle: After you, my dear friend.
kyle: What are you doing?
cartman: What? Just trying to help you, that’s all.
kyle: …You enter this one first.
cartman: What. Why?
kyle: I don’t trust you. It’s probably the most dangerous one and you just want to lock me there or something.
cartman: Why would I do that, Kahl?
kyle: Because you hate me.
cartman: That’s not true! It’s just friendly fighting, nothing more. Come on, Kyle, I’ll help you with that car! Hey, and did I mention you look sooo great today?
kyle, raising an eyebrow: The fuck are you talking about? What’s the catch? And why do you keep looking at your number?
cartman: Oh my GOD! Can’t I just be nice to you for a goddamn minute without you suspecting me of some delusional ideas, you fucking jew?!
kyle: I want to know why you’re nice, because I will never believe you’re genuine about that.
cartman: Oh, for fuck’s sake, just keep going!
and he realises it doesn’t work until it’s sincere.
so it takes them about two months to fix their friendship and be honest about it. that they don’t actually hate each other, that they have much more in common than they thought. and then they’re stuck at something like 10, for, um, two weeks. nothing they do can change their number no matter how nice and good they are to each other. the thing is the train wanted them to be honest to themselves, and they couldn’t do it without admitting they like each other more than friends :3
AND OH GOD PLS TELL ME IT DOESN’T SOUND DELUSIONAL AND CRINGE BECAUSE IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS SHIT FOR LIKE THE WHOLE DAY.