Also Can We Take A Moment To Appreciate Stan Marsh Canonically Being A Fan Of Spiderverse

“kyman is a one sided pairing, kyle is not interested in cartman at all” KYLE JUMPED OFF THE ROOF AND WENT INTO A COMA JUST TO PROVE CARTMAN IS WRONG.

istg if kyle having a crush on heidi in s21 was mattrey’s real intention, i’d be so disappointed. like. they know how to write about relationships, feelings and crushes, but the attempt to make kyle be in love with cartman’s girlfriend is either a very self-conscious and intentional kyman proof, or the lamest romantic plot EVER created.

when kyle was 16, his parents (mostly dad) decided that he had to understand how money are earned by hard and honest work, so they cut off his pocket money and gave him an advice to finally find a part-time job. kyle didn’t mind it much, so after a week or two of choosing the right option he decided to stick to something as peaceful and less stressful as possible, so he chose to get a job at the local library as an assistant. he already had experience in working with literature and students books – he was tutoring his classmates for a year by that time, plus the librarian was his mother’s friend so he didn’t expect any difficulties to get into his way.

until cartman learned about kyle’s new work and decided it was his moral duty to go into the library that he has never visited before and pester kyle every goddamn day. because kyle couldn’t do anything to stop this since he wasn’t allowed to start conflicts as a worker there. it also was prohibited to shout at the library so most of the time he was cursing and threatening cartman in a whisper. neither was he allowed to kick him out because the librarian truly believed that every child has the right to be in this sacred temple of knowledge.

and it was terrible.

every day kyle was expecting another trick from cartman – either it was total reorganising of the books on shelves from alphabetical order to matching colours, or a request to find a very rare book that only was in the library in one copy somewhere in the farthest corner of the room at the highest shelf – only to realise cartman absolutely knows this book has been missing for, like, three years by now.

kyle: Can you please stop bothering me?! You don’t even read books!

cartman: Sure I do! But paper books are sooo last century, I’m into e-books now.

kyle: THEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE LIBRARY EVERY DAY, YOU SADISTIC ASSHOLE?

cartman: Making your life even more miserable and complicated than it already is?…

kyle: Why am I even surprised? I should’ve really guessed.

AND THEN one day kyle sees cartman in the library and mentally prepares for another portion of mocking, but surprisingly for him, cartman doesn’t even look at him, says simple and brief “hi” and goes straight to the reading hall, grabbing one of the books on the shelf. kyle can’t help but feel curious, because he’s never seen cartman so concentrated and serious – at least not the last few weeks. he sneaks up to him from the back:

kyle: What, have you finally realised what you’re actually supposed to do at the library?

cartman, shivering a little: You’re not supposed to scare the shit out of your customers too, huh, Kahl?

kyle: What even is this book? Knowing your tastes, I won’t be surprised if it’s, like, fucking Mein Kampf or something like that.

cartman, rolling his eyes: It’s none of your fucking business. And I wouldn’t read Mein Kampf, who do you even think I am?

and then kyle grabs cartman’s book and with surprise sees that it’s one of his most favorite books (i’m not sure what exactly it is but my personal hc is that kyle is really into dystopias and stories with political controversial subtext…), and he really can’t help but start discussing it with cartman. after, like, a whole half an hour of kyle infodumping him with the history behind this book, he realises they actually have pretty similar taste, and cartman’s analysing skills are so great he really understands all of the hidden messages in books, and they, well…. eventually start hanging out in the library discussing books they’re reading rn. to the point where kyle almost forgets about his other duties at work ‘cause he gets really consumed by all these discussions with cartman.

and he tries to tell about this to stan and kenny but they both just laugh because these two nerds who have finally found a conversation partner are fucking hilarious.

+ bonus about their preferences: they both are really into morally grey and/or generally antagonistic characters. and although it’s totally predictable for cartman, he was really shocked when he realised kyle adores “bad” and “immoral” characters as well (we aaaaaall know why…)

also i think kyle is more of a “plot” person who really enjoys reading about how the world in the book works, meanwhile cartman mostly prefers digging into characters, relationships between them and their psychological traits and traumas, yk? and it really helps, because each of them often notice little details the other might’ve missed.

Since you guys liked my first k2 analysis so much, I've decided to make a second one and mainly focus on things that I mentioned in the last paragraph there: how I see their romantic relationship. This is probably going to be more headcanons than analysis but we'll see lol (it ended up not)

As I mentioned before, I don't really see k2 having some sort of special feelings for each other when they're young. Meanwhile it can kinda work with Kenny, it's probably won't work with Kyle: Kyle already has two strong sources of emotions. His bond with Stan and his sort of rivalry with Cartman clearly means more to him. And to get myself more clear: No, I do not erase everything I said in the previous post about their interactions, they're still very sweet and in my personal opinion important. But if we analyse Kyle's relationships with others and give everyone some sort of a status, Stan would be "best friend", Cartman would be "frienemy" (it's not so obvious when I say it like this but we all should agree that Kyle cares a lot about the shit Cartman says, not necessarily in a good way but it's still a huge source of emotions for him). And Kenny, as I believe, would be just "friend". Not much to add.

But if we're looking a little bit further...Time skip for a few years. Or not a few. High-school maybe?? Or adults?? Whatever you prefer more

From this part it'll be mostly headcanons because different people can see the future relationship of the main four differently. I'll talk about my personal point of view here (I think it's the most popular one in the fandom anyways)

So this is where Kyle's previous sources of strong emotions are kind of fading away. With Stan...I'm almost sure that no one is going to argue with me for this. Stan, as a depressed individual, would probably at some point of his adulthood change his relationships with people. He'd cut contact with some and just sort of change his attitude to other. And although I believe Stan and Kyle would still be friends (close friends??) when they grow up...There's not going to be the "bond" as strong as it was before. This is debatable, but even if you don't agree with my statement: One source of strong emotions is definitely not enough.

With Cartman my point of view is much easier to explain: they're not kids anymore. I believe their rivalry won't dissappear, but. They're not kids and not gonna fight 24/7. I'm not sure if I'm explaining this properly, but I think it's just not gonna take all their time. So yeah. It's not enough

AND THAT'S WHERE WE FINALLY GO BACK TO K2. THANK GOD.

Kyle feels a bit more lonely. So he hangs out with Kenny, who pretty much feels the same. They spend time together, talk a lot, remember some things...And realize how similar they are to each other (this part is also analysis btw, I didn't come up with it from nothing). They realize that back then they both were trying to act kind to people around them, but no one seemed to appreciate it as much as they wanted. They were doing it differently and was getting treated differently, but in the end both ended up being lonely without much people around. You. You can feel my thought here. right

They realize how similar they feel, so they decide to try to help each other. Just make some company. It won't hurt, right?

It didn't. I see them a bit fast burn... They start to appreciate each other's company more. And more. They hang out in a lot of different places. Anywhere you can get your old buddy: like seeing some cool movies with him, taking him to restaurants so you can make sure he eats well, sometimes going to his ol' house with him to help his sister...At some point Kenny starts calling it "dates", and Kyle is extremely flustered about this.

Kyle falls first, but Kenny confesses first: so their relationship-thing happens not so long after that.

And yep. This is what I wanted to share from now. I really hope someone reads all that xD

Love k2, appreciate k2, enjoy k2, share k2. They're very lovable little guys!

(If this gets 100 likes AGAIN I will write k2 headcanons. Go)

okay while we’re on the subject: cartman’s skills for languages are goddamn amazing like?? the boy is about ten years old and yet he knows german and a bit of spanish (i think?) that kinda amazes me.

so here’s a headcanon that cartman has improved his knowledge of german over the years and by high school he could speak fluently without any difficulties. he mostly did so ‘cause he had to know one foreign language for school studies, but the major part of choosing particularly german was (obviously) to tease and make fun of kyle since eric’s an absolute bastard. he was constantly mocking kyle while talking in german and watching kyle getting all pissed off. he didn’t really say anything mean – sometimes he was even making compliments taking the advantage of kyle not understanding the language, but how would kyle know that? he was sick of it and he absolutely hated the way cartman acted.

so in the summer before their senior year kyle came up with a devious plan starting to learn german by himself. it wasn’t really difficult even considering that kyle is much worse at learning languages than cartman is. he did have quite a success but he kept it a secret from everyone but stan. he studied hard cheered up by the thought of cartman’s future expression when he realises he doesn’t have this advantage anymore. and oh boy was it worth it.

after three months of daily studying they finally go back to school. kyle chooses german as an extra class – the one where cartman is – and prepares for the moment he has been waiting for so long.

it doesn’t take cartman long that day to come up to kyle and say to him something in foreign language. kyle gets pissed off immediately but then calms down realising with surprise that all that cartman said to him was “looking good, jew. i like how you look in school uniform” in german. with a nasty laugh and an arrogant smirk – to make it believable that he insults kyle, probably – but he was actually telling him quite nice things all day long thinking that kyle doesn’t understand a single word. that shocked kyle beyond belief but he wasn’t sure of how to react so he just kept fighting with cartman telling him to knock it off.

then the time for extra classes came, and kyle waited for the very last second until the bell rang to enter the class with the self-satisfaction on his face (‘cause he’s a dramatic and secretly a bit theatrical jerk).

cartman choked on air seeing kyle entering the classroom casually and taking his seat right in front of cartman without even dignifying eric with a single glance. cartman got completely lost for a few seconds and then laughed loudly shouting about “the jews who are not allowed to learn german ‘cause it’s fucking comical”. nobody really paid attention to him having got used to his antisemitic and gross comments. the teacher shushed him, and the lesson continued as usual. kyle was answering the teacher’s questions without troubles. meanwhile cartman was so stunned he couldn’t even concentrate properly and kept mumbling something unintelligible.

he tried to make a scene and fight with kyle for invading his safe “jewfree” place, but kyle just gave him a cheeky grin. “afraid i might get better at this than you are, cartman? oh, and thanks for what you’ve said earlier. i would’ve never thought you think this shirt makes my amazing green eyes look even deeper” leaving eric completely speechless.

bonus: sheila got completely crazy and hysterical over the fact of her son learning exactly german, but he explained it by his desire to break stupid stereotypes and prejudices about jews, so she was pretty satisfied and proud of him. he didn’t tell her he started it just ‘cause he wanted to anger cartman though.

another bonus: they both know spanish pretty well, so sometimes they get into arguments switching languages from english to german to spanish. stan and kenny just stand by and watch them fighting being slightly impressed by this scene. btw butters knows spanish too, but when he tries to cut in their conversation they just shout at him “shut up, butters” in unison in spanish so he apologises and steps back.

kyman high school au where cartman who has never really cared about his grades finally realises that kyle is kinda obsessed with being the best student and there is nothing that can piss him off more than being bested by someone like cartman. so eric basically just for fun decides to become a perfect student and since he has some kind of natural talent for studying and he’s a quick learner he pretty soon catches up with kyle so they start competing constantly.

and although kyle is a hardworking student, cartman is still perfect at cheating and convincing teachers of his “new” era of being an example student so their competition becomes rather brutal. and i mean it. the history classes are their battlefield where they debate with each other arguing constantly about some historical facts and theories for the whole lesson. and although cartman often makes controversial statements just to irritate kyle, he’s a better and more confident debater due to being an unashamed and charismatic asshole.

when their classmates are afraid of the test or something they beg eric to start a nerdy fight about something (sometimes he even gets paid for doing so).

also kyle kinda sucks at artistic subjects like arts or music or theatre while cartman is great at them (he’s very confident about music and acting which was proven in series multiple times). he often brags about being more imaginative than kyle is. in response kyle laughs at cartman’s constant C’s and B’s in biology/chemistry/geography.

so basically they both end up being called nerds but the only thing that matters to them is being better than each other. competitive & obsessed with each other smartasses :D

matching canes??? 😨

They're warming up to him

Even a king needs a break sometimes

[reblogs are appreciated <3]

u don’t get it i NEED to see candy interactions i need them to team up and become the most powerful duo to ever exist

cartman: Hey, for a girl you’re kinda good at making evil plans, huh.

wendy: Yes, and you’re quite ok for a fat racist misogynistic bigoted stupid piece of shit.

cartman, shrugging: Who would expect we’d make such a good team.

idk where i saw this meme but i immediately decided to re-draw it