8 Years Old

8 years old

I hate my mom, i carved in a candle

When she found it, I burst into shambles

8 years old I don't know why

I hate you mom I hope you cry

A direct reflection of how you love me

8 years old god please don't touch me

I hate my mom idk why

I hate my mom written in my journal

By the time she found it, it was internal

I hate my mom in my private thoughts

I would argue with her every chance I got

Take this shot bc I hate my mom

Take this drug avoid the atom bomb

People please the strangers in your living room

2015 was always doomed

Fill the monsters in your head

With lies your mother fed

Empty strangers in your bed

You can't remember what was said

There is one night I'll never forget

The night I wrote my best piece yet

It's gone now, gone forever

Dreamland has seen better weather

There are pins in time

Be sure to tell yourself as you're passing by

If you listen closely you'll notice

Those pins are valuable moments

2016 was a hard year for me

I found out who I wanted to be

I finally had the ability

Of leaning into the sunken tree

I wasn't okay

& most people knew

I was no longer hiding in plain view

You hated that I finally was being seen

This was never truly about me

You always said I sang too loud

That I was always way to proud

I hated you mom, from an early age

The lies you'd say, created your cage

This is single handly all your fault

You're not the only one with access to the vault

You can claim these absurdities about my character

I was a child trying to survive, it was merely vascular

I hate you mom I hope you hear

I have never been more sincere

You have had fucking 30 years

I have my own demons, but yours are much louder

I hope you feel lonely you coward

You will never face the things you've done

You will continue to run

You have a mirror on your back, but my reflection is solid

There's blood everywhere, you should have blotted

It's always our fault & never yours

Set fire to all of the doors

Now there aren't many doors that lead back to you

the few that are left are fire proof

They will be destroyed if you try

To seep your way in again

Beg and pry

I have felt so empty most of my life

When I started to shine you grabbed your knife

You cut my throat so I couldn't sing

You told me I was embarrassing

You did however forget one thing

I am a writer I have always been

Energy work has been my friend

Carving your name into candles to burn

Protected me before I learned

I hate you mom, I carved into a candle

If you find this I hope you're in shambles

30 years old I now know why

I hate you mom, I hope you cry