100% Agree Dude

100% agree dude

I feel like after a life on the streets and as a spy, hes gotten really really really good at hiding anxiety, mh issues, panic, etc.

Like. If someone held a gun to ur head, ud panic, but Cyphers prob been in situations where panicking could end deadly. I think more fics need to portray him as dissociated as fuck, bc hiding away has been natural for him for so long, he doesn't even do it consciously anymore.

Like, its gotten to a point where even in the quiet privacy of his own room, Cypher automatically hides all signs of panic, anxiety, grief, etc. Just bc its become natural atp. I feel like hed be a bit in denial/unaware of his emotions, or would simply try to ignore them yk

i like to think that he did it before Nora and she helped him unlearn it. But after she died, it got worse than ever before, both purposefully out of fear and partially on accident bc yk trauma of ur wife dying and shit

Also! Agree on the fics point. Yall write whatever ya want, ooc fics can be great and i love to read a "Cypher has a public mental breakdown" fic from time to time, bc its fun, idc if it feels ooc! Fics r for ur own self indulgence first and foremost!

My biggest fear is falling for the fanonised version of characters that I don’t see the in depth personalities they have anymore

Cypher’s mental state is such an easy thing to get wrong it’s hard to find fics that characterise it right, or at least in my opinion

That’s not to say I think all ooc fics are bad! No! What’s the point of fanfics if you don’t make your lil guys do shit they aren’t supposed to??

But back on topic, I think Cypher’s grief is another thing that’s handled so broadly from fic to fic

Sometimes he doesn’t seem to be weighed by it at all, sometimes it causes him to fear things and drown in self loathing because of it, sometimes he’s so mentally separated from his trauma that ‘Cypher’ and ‘Amir’ are two wholly different people. It’s interesting to see how sensitive or insensitive they make Cypher himself with this

Is there a right way to portray it? Honestly hard to say, but there are fics that I read that instead of feeling right they just don’t feel wrong— Y’know what I mean???

In my analysis of him, he’s clearly still not past Nora and his family (I have thoughts about the possible world they’re alive but that’s for a different post). I know grief doesn’t go away, not his type at least, but it does get easier with time. This leads me to believe that Cypher’s wife hasn’t been dead for too many years at this point— I’ve always imagined Cypher having been part of current day protocol for a couple of years after getting himself together, so I want to say she hasn’t been dead for over 10 years yet.

I think that Cypher, or rather, Amir was a lover. Like heart and soul he loved. It’s not that uncommon of a belief that when someone dies, the person their spouse was dies with them. Is this the case with Cypher? I think he believes that.

I think Cypher believes the man Amir was is long dead. But I also think he’s wrong. I think that for as much as he is a cruel man with all he has said and done, he is still a lover. Why else would seeing Bind make him so angry? It’s because he still loves it.

Amir may be dead to him, but ‘he’s’ still alive. Which person does that ‘he’ belong to? I don’t think that matters.

Whether Cypher is (still?) depressed, or only silently grieving, or maybe even healing, he’s alive. No matter his state I believe he knows his family wants him to continue living. He can’t break a final promise to them.

My only wish is for fanfic writers to not write him like some shaken up teenager because he is in fact a grown ass man that has lived through the streets and wouldn’t break down the same way normal people would. I’d imagine he’s much more gruff than that.

Related, there’s a single action that was portrayed in a fic I saw about him that feels very not wrong. In it he’s sitting at a bar with the other agents all celebrating a well done mission. In it he is being consumed by paranoia. Does his breathing spike? Does he sweat? Does he feel like throwing up? No. Instead, he simply drums his fingers and disguises the anxiety as boredom.

Because that’s what he does.

He hides.