I Miss You Sometimes, You Little Star Fairy...

A few years ago, before the troubles, before the pointing and bickering, and long before I was the always shifting fragmented images you all like to believe you know... Long before all of that mess I happened to be laying on a small couch. I was in the daggy, cold, and yet cozy basement of an dorm in San Fran, where a photo was taken of me as I laid. I wouldn't had thought that I'd be noticed, franky I've forgotten that at my heart I'm "antisocial". I've grow to reconize how much I where my heart on my sleeve that the memory of such instances seem to take on a new form. I have never been one to be upfront, I dont know how to be and I'm too afraid to do so. I grew up in conditions that forced me to be that way, to mumble when I want to scream, to smile when crying is all I can bare, to help when I want to die, to survive even when doing so brings only more pain to me. The darkness inside of me, that antisocial divide within, that was my soul, the part of me I locked away as I lead a life to blend and "socialize" with people even when I haven't the slightest go-damn clue how to do so... I come off as intense, overly serious, angry, dramatic, stupid, whatever that the title of the day happens to be... Yet, I'm only acting how I dreamt I'd be. I am the man I dreamt to be, but sadly reality doesn't sit well with my childhood dreams, for the friends, the adventures, and even the affections I've wanted to experierence all came with many burns and scars. To the youth in me, my idea of good future for myself was someone who wasn't on the corner smoking crack and who would always try to be with his friends to the very end, and that maybe if I was caring and strong enough I'd reach the point where people would come to respect that, and I'd be able to make friends who wouldnt use me, or hurt me, or make fun of me. I never had the pleasure of being alone, I was always alone. Talking to myself, talking to things I could never be sure were there, talking and dreaming and thinking of the things and people I'd become involved with my future. In school I was weird, akward, ugly, a mutt, a retard, a fag, so many words and abusive actions where used against me even before I could understand them. I was the pasting fancy, I'd have friends for maybe two weeks at most, the new kids who'd quickly realize my status and leave me. Yet, when I think of these times I realize how much I didn't mind, things were always better. I was always getting stronger, and in a way I am... You see this picture means so much to me because this was where my life changed, and I started to gain what I've become now, I'm still antisocial, a freak, ans a oddity sure... but at least I'm more human then the programed robots I meet now... So I guess what I'm trying to say is that everyone has a snapshot, maybe a self pic, or a family photo, or maybe a picture from someone you grew to love... No matter what always be willing to keep going, to always want the best for others, and to always be willing to forgive- breathing the winds of creation and peace from the torrent of both flaming hate and chilling watery love...

That was exactly what I was thinking! I figured one of these days when I decide to go hiking up in the hills by my college I'd go and hunt me up a good branch. The shield brancelet will be fun to make, but my biggest thrill is seeing how I'll put together the rings he wears. I wouldn't mind using my cat, but then again my cat tends to reguard my dog as an annoyance lol. If I can get my hands on a camera I'll totally post them up!

I was bored so I drew Harry, Mister, and Mouse in Adventure Time style. Sweatpants + cowboy boots= facepalm.

So damn true...

Yes...so much yes -drools-

I wanted to make Church’s say “Boo, Motherfucker” but it wouldn’t let me :(

Futuristic Laser Space Engine Passes Its First Test

Someday it could get us to the moon within hours and Mars within days

“In 2013, Y.K. Bae scored funding from NASA’s Innovative Advanced Concepts (NIAC) program to study an amazing new kind of propulsion: Thrust that comes not from liquid rockets but from lasers continuously fired at the spacecraft, which would steadily gain momentum in the frictionless vacuum of space. It’s called the Photonic Laser Thrust system, and it could drastically reduce the amount of fuel needed for space missions. And now, Bae has announced that lab tests of the technology were successful.In the experiment, Bae fired a laser at a one-pound mock spaceship on a frictionless track and successfully produced thrust. The laser bounced continuously between two mirrors inside a cavity at the bottom of the simulated spaceship, building momentum of 1.1 milliNewtons. We’re not talking about a lot of thrust. For example, the full sized, 6.2-million-pound Saturn V rocket that sent the Apollo 11 moon mission to space needed about 34.5 million Newtons of thrust to lift off. It was many, many orders of magnitude more powerful. However, the goal of the laser system isn’t to get things off the ground. The goal is to boost a spacecraft’s momentum when it’s already in space—which, if you can reach it, requires much less energy than getting a big, heavy hunk of metal off the ground.”

Holmes Urgings

Urges and desires are often controllable, we fight them every day, hell we fight ourselves all the time… We bargain and delay our imaginings so that we can appeal to something or someone else… But theres a limit i suppose to where one could draw the line, and I guess I have done that lately… I am in the depths of a Holme’s Urging, where I find myself in the depths of self exploration, questioning and indulging in the tiniest of things; considering factors once removed from the table by bias. In the process you reject all other things not related to your issues and task and save for those persistent enough to seek you out you find yourself alone… Which blows but to that same end you realize the things you want… I know what i want… Yet I’ve found it as elusive as ever to my perception. I suppose I’d need to by my time but lately things have pushed me in a very, dare I say focused sort of state… priorities… priorities… I need to do what I’d hate to bare through…

Yeah... I'm gonna go for this on Halloween... Thanks to Mika for this stunning picture

Michaels

So for the first time in awhile i was allowed to go home at a decent hour after work. I decided to go shopping for my halloween costume at michaels... "Uh, hey i was wondering if you had little shields or something like that?" Guy stares at me for a minute "You don't?" He blinks and then says to follow him Guy- "I can't believe someone is going to do it" "Huh? Do what?" He then turns to me "DRESDEN....I've been dying to see someone do him" I had the biggest grin on my face

The one thing I didn’t want or need was pity. I’d made my own choices, lived my own life, and even if they hadn’t all been smart choices, there weren’t many of them that I regretted.

Small Favour, Jim Butcher (via hamletsbitch)

“How are you defining love?” “It isn’t a simple formula, Harry. I’m not sure. I recognize it when I see it.” “So what’s love look like?” “You can have everything in the world, but if you don’t have love, none of it means crap,” he said promptly. “Love is patient. Love is kind. Love always forgives, trusts, supports, and endures. Love never fails. When every star in the heavens grows cold, and when silence lies once more on the face of the deep, three things will endure: faith, hope, and love.” “And the greatest of these is love,” I finished. “That’s from the Bible.” “First Corinthians, chapter thirteen,” Thomas confirmed. “I paraphrased. Father makes all of us memorize that passage. Like when parents put those green yucky-face stickers on the poisonous cleaning products under the kitchen sink.”

Blood Rites (Dresden Files book 6) - Jim Butcher (via canceroftheearth)

I've used this quote alot to define love, Thomas (Jim B.) hits it dead on :)