When God Announced That Every Billionaire Would Die By Christmas, The Race For The 1 Trillion Began

Buck: *looks at Ravi* Ya hear that Virgins! You guys are gonna live forever!!

Ravi: please leave alone....

pilot!bobby at pilot!buck

meet the bayverse

Do any of u have decent recipes that are like 5 ingredients (not including spices) and take 45 mins or less to prepare i gotta stop eating sandwiches for dinner

Chris, who came up with the best prank ever: 😈

Eddie: Your son is out of control. Buck: M-my son? I can barely stop getting flustered when you call Chris 'our' son, why are you calling him just mine all of a sudden?! Eddie: Because he's dating five different girls and you need to talk him out of it. Now. Buck, blinking rapidly: ...Yeah, alright. I can see how that is my problem. Five though? Eddie: It better not be six.

Heard the best thing from a kid at 9:40 in the morning at work today

Random child: mum? Where's the wacky tracks gone?

His mum: they've provably sold it

Kid: I wanted it though.......

Kid: it's probably good that it got sold

Mum: why's that then?

Kid: wellllll, if someone else got it then they probably reeeeeeally wanted the wacky tracks. More than I did

Mum: that's a good thought darling

For the record, I work in a charity shop in a small town, so to to hear this from a kid (he looked about 8-10 btw) when it's rarely heard from adults.....

Adorable

semiaquatic secret agent

This is just funny

Bobby, calmly: Hello, Eddie. how long have you been sleeping with Buck?

Eddie, startled: What!?

Bobby, still calm: How long have you been sleeping with Buck?

Eddie, panicking: That's disgusting. And wrong. I don't even get-

Eddie, still panicking: Why would- I- I've never had sex with anyone anywhere. It's none of your- you- you have. The nerve. The audacity.

Eddie, trying to cover: Buck is my co-parent. Technically. And he is terrible face-wise. And how- how do I know, frankly, that you're not sleeping with him?

Eddie, trying to act calm: Maybe you are. Maybe you're trying to throw me off. Hmm? Check and mate.

Bobby:

Eddie, shouting: This is an outrage! Who do I call?!

Similarities Between Myself and Bilbo Baggins

Main survival instinct is to bullshit my way out of a situation

Would rather be eccentric uncle than responsible parent

Would use the One Ring to get out of seeing family members

In times of strife, thinking of food is a source of comfort

Would never stop complaining, even as I became a true adventurer

Would sleep through an entire battle