is when you're at yout lowest. The view from a window resembles a movie with such intensity that makes you wonder if maybe you should be out there, simply acting.
Water Lilies, Claude Monet
https://www.wikiart.org/en/claude-monet/water-lilies-1899-1
acho que nunca estive tão mal. São noites sem sono, dias sem energia. As vezes eu queria só sumir, assim ninguém precisava a desgraça acontecer. Saí de casa pensando que não seria má ideia smplesmente não voltar, porque assim eu não precisava olhar pra esses rostos e ver a decepção, a piedade, a dó. Não precisava sentir.
today i read a thing about anxiety being your illusion of control over something you couldn't possibly control. it made me cry, but not because I could relate
it was because it reminded me that I don't have control and that fucking terrifies me
and because it reminded me that maybe if I was a little bit less like me, maybe I could have a bit more of that control