I’m Always So Afraid To Leave Behind What Once Was Important To Me, Even If Sometimes It’s Necessary
I’m always so afraid to leave behind what once was important to me, even if sometimes it’s necessary so I can grow.
I’m always so afraid to hurt those that made me who I am, even though I’ve done it countless times.
Fear reaches me in all I do. Fear of not being enough, of being left out, of making mistakes.
I live in fear, and there I remain, drowning, waiting for the day I won’t need to feel scared.
I won’t need to feel anything at all.
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is when you're at yout lowest. The view from a window resembles a movie with such intensity that makes you wonder if maybe you should be out there, simply acting.
Water Lilies, Claude Monet
https://www.wikiart.org/en/claude-monet/water-lilies-1899-1
acho que nunca estive tão mal. São noites sem sono, dias sem energia. As vezes eu queria só sumir, assim ninguém precisava a desgraça acontecer. Saí de casa pensando que não seria má ideia smplesmente não voltar, porque assim eu não precisava olhar pra esses rostos e ver a decepção, a piedade, a dó. Não precisava sentir.
today i read a thing about anxiety being your illusion of control over something you couldn't possibly control. it made me cry, but not because I could relate
it was because it reminded me that I don't have control and that fucking terrifies me
and because it reminded me that maybe if I was a little bit less like me, maybe I could have a bit more of that control
