NO IT’S TOO EARLY STOP RIGHT THERE

An abstinence-focused sex education class in East Lansing, Michigan recently received a shock when one student’s sex-positive mother sat in on the proceedings — and live-tweeted them. Alice Dreger, a professor of medical humanities and bioethics at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine, was invited by her son to join his abstinence-only sex education class, to see, in her words, “how bad it is.” And yes, it gets much worse.

William the Bloody, slayer of Slayers, one of the worst vampires in history

“You fight like a girl.”

I’m sorry

I didn’t

realise

that 

was 

a

bad

thing

Some of our boys being good

Slow clap it out. 

MARAUDERS, NO QUESTIONS ASKED. But since you did ask, let’s jump on that….

MARAUDERS: THE SERIES

Okay so - five seasons, BBC produced OR HBO in Game of Thrones style, keeping it British (JKR would insist, as she should). 12-14 episodes a season, potential Christmas special at the end of season 4. The first three seasons are MWPP’s fifth, sixth and seventh years, starting about midway through their 5th. 

The pilot uses Harry as a framing device - it’s needed to establish the world and time period etc etc - maybe in third year, when Snape is digging in to Papa Potter? Harry then walks along the Hogwarts corridors, thinking about his father, and everything Dumbledore and Lupin have said about him, until he finds himself in the trophy room looking at one of James’ Quidditch medals. Harry says “my dad didn’t strut”, and we close in on the medal…

….only to pan out on James, strutting along the same corridor. Remus, Sirius and Peter fall in, and we watch them as they head in to class. James is your typical asshole of a 15yo, eating an apple and accidentally bumping into people, only to grin and give them fingerguns instead of apologising as he keeps on walking. Remus has his nose in a book, Sirius is poking at his ear with a quill, and Peter’s trying get Sugar Quill residue off his fingers. They walk into Transfiguration, their usual boisterous selves, not noticing a red headed girl rolling her eyes and turning away from them to talk to her friends, or a skulking boy in a group of Slytherins behind her, glaring at them.

AND SO WE BEGIN.

Each of the first four seasons would use one of the Marauders as a viewpoint into the main plot:

Season 1 - Peter, as he feels like he belongs less than the others, and his practical hero-worshipping of his friends means that he views them outside of his relationship with them, and is thus a good starting point for the viewer. Season one also introduces us to the Marauders era Slytherins, and we follow their story in a parallel to MWPP. Lily and Snape’s friendship, their subsequent fall out, and Snape’s further immersion into the Dark Arts are the season’s main subplot. Snape’s Worst Memory happens in about episode 9.

Season 2 - Remus. Season 2 covers MWPP’s sixth year, as they grow older and the war outside of Hogwarts begins to impact more on their isolated world. Lily and James begin to become friends - well, she dislikes him less - and this impacts on Snape, who begins to write in the margins of his potions textbook. Sirius starts to feel more pressure from his family and moves out; this makes him wilder than ever, culminating in the Snape prank (about episode 11). This is filmed to be a cruel trick, and we see the full blow out afterwards between Sirius and Remus. Snape approaches Lily in the aftermath and attempts to tell her about Remus, villifying James in the process; she tells him that she knows about Remus, and that Snape cannot reveal the secret. The season ends with Remus and Sirius still at odds, although partially reconciled, and James saying he just assumed that Sirius would be moving in with him.

Season 3 - This year focuses more on James, beginning when he and Sirius decide to crash a pureblood party at the Malfoy’s. They make their getaway, running past three girls, on Sirius’ new bike, which still has some…. kinks to be smoothed out - they almost fall out of the sky more than once. They return home to the news that James has been made Head Boy; Sirius thinks it’s the most hilarious news he’s ever heard, but James is determined to use the opportunity to get closer to Lily (“I am TELLING you she’s Head Girl, Padfoot!”) The gang head back to Hogwarts - crossing paths with Narcissa Black - who had seen them run out at the Malfoy’s - on the train station. She becomes our focus Slytherin character for the season. Lily and James’ romance takes a front position in this season, with the mending of the Sirius/Remus relationship as a subplot. The season also has flashbacks to the group’s younger years, focusing on the Animagus process.

Season 4: TIME JUMP. We go forward two years into the middle of the war. I see the final two seasons as one whole arc, with the season 4 establishing the various dangers of the war and MWPP’s role in it - focusing on Sirius, as suspicion starts to take hold of the group and their lives get more and more perilous. Through Sirius we get the Regulus subplot and our view into the Death Eaters, following Snape, the Blacks and the Malfoys. Two of Lily and James’ “thrice defied” events happen throughout the season. Remus is sent undercover into the werewolf community and drifts apart from the Order, causing the others to confide in him less and less. Peter sees this and, in the season finale, meets up with a Death Eater.

Season 5: We begin with the announcement of Lily’s pregnancy. The fighting gets worse - there are battles and disappearances every day, both sides begin to lose friends and mentors. Narcissa’s pregnancy is played out as a parallel to Lily; she and Lucius grow closer and begin to resent the influence of Voldemort on their lives. They strengthen as a family unit and at the end of the season decide to break away from their Death Eater friends (and family). The prophecy is told, Harry is born, Lily and James go into hiding. Sirius continues to fight in the war, becoming friends with the Prewett brothers and eventually witnessing their deaths, Snape becomes worried for Lily, makes the deal with Dumbledore, and begins sabotaging Death Eater missions he thinks may harm her, Karkaroff flees England, the Longbottoms announce that they’re expecting, Peter begins passing information on to Voldemort himself, Remus is thrown out of a werewolf meetup when they discover he’s a spy. 

The season finale is two hours long. It begins with Harry’s first birthday - Bathilda Bagshot is present, and speaks of Grindlewald. The scene changes, and Sirius is sitting with Kingsley and a few other Order members - they’ve just heard the news of the McKinnons. Moody comes in with blood everywhere; he’s lost an eye. Sirius can’t stand to look at the blood and begins to walk out - then catches sight of Remus in the hall. He confronts Remus, asking where he’s been - Remus can’t say, under Dumbledore’s orders. They end up in a fist fight, beating each other senseless until they’re separated. They don’t speak again for fourteen years. It’s a cold day, and windy - Lily goes outide and pulls the clothes off the line before they can blow away. She and James decorate their cottage with jack o’ lanterns and streamers, and dress Harry up as a little Merlin in a purple gown. They eat Halloween dinner together, the three of them, and James jokes about how “it’s nothing on a Hogwarts feast - just you wait and see, Harry!” Lily goes to put Harry to bed - we watch as she changed him into his pyjamas, lays him in the crib and sings to him - until she’s cut off mid song by a blast downstairs. She’s at the door when she hears James scream, and then there’s a green flash of light, bright and cold, and she runs back to the crib, too choked with fear to even cry for her dead husband. A hooded man steps in the doorway, blocking out all the light. The screen is still black when we hear the revving of a motorcycle as it touches down on the ground. Sirius stands in front of the ruined house, and there are no words for the look on his face. He makes a sound - more animal than human - and before even knowing why, he starts forward, searching among the rubble. He hears a sound, and digs underneath the debris, forgetting his wand entirely, until he finds Harry, crying, the scar still bleeding. Sirius doesn’t know how long he stands there, holding the baby, until suddenly Hagrid is behind him, saying something about Dumbledore, and argues for a while but hands Harry over anyway, saying Hagrid can take the bike. It’s only then that Sirius thinks of Peter. Hagrid says something else, but Sirius doesn’t hear him, doesn’t hear anything - he Apparates, and he’s not even landed before he’s running, up and into Peter’s apartment, banging through the door and making things explode like he did when he was young and couldn’t control his magic. We follow Sirius through the confrontation with Peter and his arrest. Sirius is dragged away, laughing and crying manicallay, cut in a montage to parties and celebrations, random wizards and the Order, a thousand people cheering and smiling and all whispering “For him! The Boy who Lived! Harry Potter!” And, finally, a baby and a letter, lying side by side in front of a Surrey door.

When a plan interferes with a meal or snack time

(becca10ny)