Sam/Vampirebuckley And Racism

they're going to brush past this entire episode like it shouldn't give maddie and chim their seventh dose of PTSD but you fucking know that chim isn't getting the sight of maddie with her throat cut out of his head any time soon

800 miles between them but still have each other’s backs🥹

They used to fight fires on this show

buck is clinging on to the “straight best friend” label because if he considers eddie being not straight for even a second.. deep down he knows what it would mean

things (other than actual feelings realisation) that would drive me insane if they happen tonight:

- ANOTHER "I'm straight"/"Eddie is straight"

- someone else asking Buck about his feelings for Eddie

- someone asking Eddie about Buck

- "wish you were here" buddie facetime scene

- the will being mentioned

(x) bro kenny literally kept telling him it's a shit idea. if bobby really is dead then this is just... man...

I would like to put forth my idea for how I would like Eddie's coming out and feelings confession for Buck to go. I am a little torn on whether I want the feelings confession/Buddie getting together to happen this season— only because I worry we'll get it at the very end and miss out on early relationship development between them in a time skip for S9. I think I'd be fine with it eventually if that's what we end up getting bc Buddie being canon at all is important to me, but I would hate to not see how they handle everything after they get together. Regardless, I would love to see them do this:

I want Eddie to get his gay realization and/or acceptance and feelings realization while in El Paso. I want Eddie and Chris to come back home to LA after figuring everything out, and I want Eddie to eventually have that one-on-one coming out conversation with Buck like they did in S7. I want Buck to be visibly shaken by this information, internally having the biggest freak-out of his life because holy shit Eddie isn't straight before he composes himself. Because this moment isn't about him, it's about Eddie. He apologizes for his reaction— because of course Eddie noticed and seemed to have a brief moment of panic himself— and reassures him that he was just surprised. Maybe Buck asks him what happened in El Paso to make him realize or Eddie himself offers up that information. Maybe he met or befriended someone while he was in Texas and they got to talking one night about their relationships. Maybe this person is gay, and, like Eddie, had repressed their sexuality for a long, long time before realizing that they had fallen in love with their best friend (and maybe Eddie leaves this little detail out because in the process of talking through this persons' relationship with their friend, Eddie realizes just how similar it is to his and Buck's relationship and he isn't ready to share that). He tells Buck about how the conversation got him thinking about his past relationships with women and why they never seemed to work out. By the end of it, he realized it was because he didn't really want to be with women at all. Maybe he even realized he had a close friend as a kid, a boy, who his feelings for went beyond platonic. Buck's response to this is one of support, because of course it is. He hugs Eddie, thanks him for telling him, and reassures him that this didn't change anything between them, just as Eddie had when Buck told him about Tommy. And maybe Eddie leaves it at that. He doesn't say anything to the contrary, no matter how much he wants to tell Buck that he does want their relationship to change, because he still doesn't feel worthy enough to have what he wants.

And so begins the most awkward, adorable, hilarious series of events where these two oblivious dorks dance around their mutual feelings for each other, assuming that they are unrequited while we the audience and all their friends and family know that that's not the case. They'll stumble over their words and stare at each other longingly when the other isn't looking. Maybe there will be moments of jealousy when the other gets hit on by someone they know the other could he interested in. Maybe a guy flirts with Eddie and Buck does that thing where he tries so desperately to get all of Eddie's attention back on him. Maybe there will be moments here and there where one of them will attempt to confess their feelings, only to be interrupted before they can get the words out. Or they go into the conversation with shaky confidence only to completely change the subject when they realize they can't say it.

Eventually, one of their friends or family members intervenes because someone has to. The two of them are getting absolutely nowhere because they are too afraid to cross the line. I would love it if Maddie was the one to approach the conversation with Eddie. Mostly because I need more interactions between the two, but also because I think it makes the most sense for what Maddie would do in the situation. Sure, Buck is her brother, but she knows well enough after their previous conversations about Eddie that there is a very slim chance she can convince him to make the first move. I also just want Eddie to be the one to make the first move, period. For him to finally get to a place where he feels worthy enough to choose what he wants, and he does. And maybe that's the crux of his conversation with Maddie. That he doesn't feel worthy of Buck. And Maddie reassures him that that isn't the case. She tells him about how she used to feel the same way when she ran away from her family. How unworthy she felt for so long to be a mother and a wife after the bathtub incident with Jee-Yun. How scared she was to make a mistake that would ruin everything. But eventually, she pushed through it, despite the fear, and came out on the other side so much happier. And Eddie can do the same. His past mistakes do not define him if he doesn't let them. She's seen how much the two of them matter to each other, how they make each other better people. She's also seen how miserable they can be when they are apart. So she tells him to think about it, encouraging him to face his fears and push through them for a chance at the life that he wants, one full of joy.

And he does think about it, over and over again, but maybe it still takes him a bit before he's ready. Maybe he even tries to plan out the perfect love confession once he gets there. And maybe all of that goes completely out the window one night when it's just the two of them sitting side by side on the couch in their apartment (omg please let them be roommates once Eddie and Chris come back). There's a moment while they're talking where their eyes meet. Then a pause in the conversation as they look into each other's eyes. And this is the moment where the dam breaks. Eddie tells Buck that he loves him. He's loved him for a very long time, longer than he probably even realizes. That he couldn't stop thinking about him while he was away in El Paso. How scared he has been to tell him since he realized, especially once he and Chris came back home. And maybe he just starts rambling at this point because he's being very vulnerable in this moment and he's not used to that and once he starts he can't stop himself. And Buck is waiting patiently for him to stop talking so he can say what he needs to say, but at a certain point, he realizes Eddie isn't going to and takes matters into his own hands. He kisses Eddie. And it's not a great first kiss. It's not really meant to be, just a pressing of lips together long enough to get Eddie to shut up for a second so that when Buck pulls away he can tell him, "I love you, too". They look at each other for a moment and smile before leaning in again for a second kiss. And it's perfect. They'll eventually need to talk more about where they go from here. How and when they'll tell Chris, the 118, and the rest of their families. But for right now, it's just them sharing their first intimate moment as a couple, putting aside all of their fears and worries for as long as they can to make this moment last.

I think I've figured out why Eddie's "you really did that for me?" is different for him compared to all the other times someone else, or even Buck, has done big things for him.

Because we can all point out endless examples of how this isn't the first big thing that Buck has ever done for Eddie. Hell, their friendship really took root due to the big ways in which Buck helped Eddie early on in s2 and s3. HOWEVER. Here's where the big difference comes in.

This is the first time Buck has ever done something like this for Eddie whilst they're in the midst of Active Conflict.

All the other times Buck has done something amazing for Eddie and Chris have been during relative times of peace, or times when Eddie and Buck were already on the same page about what they wanted. It's not hard for Eddie to accept because his and Buck's wants align in those moments.

Not the case in 8x09. Buck and Eddie's desires are on opposite sides now, or at least that's how Eddie perceives it. Eddie has to do something that he knows Buck won't like, and he thinks "This is it. This is the moment where everyone shows their true colors and leaves me high and dry to deal with my mess by myself." Think about it. Most people leave Eddie high and dry the first instance their goals don't align.

That's why Eddie's so surprised Buck wants to help him in the first place back in 8x08 and again in 8x09. For once, Eddie lets himself believe that someone will help him, even if it's something the other person doesn't want. And when Buck gets upset and petty, it almost feels like confirmation that Eddie is only worth helping when it's something that other people want too.

But Buck, in the midst of their fighting, before they even got a chance to talk or yell it out, before Eddie can even explain that he doesn't want this either, but he has no choice, Buck has already managed to figure it out for himself and decide that even though Eddie can't do what Buck wants him to do, it doesn't matter. Buck puts his desires aside and helps Eddie because it's what's best for Eddie and Christopher. I don't think Eddie has ever known what it's like to have opposing desires with someone and not come out on the losing side, to have to be the one to compromise or put someone else's wishes before his own.

This is the only time someone has loved Eddie unconditionally enough to put Eddie first.