I Get To Go To The Doctor And Be Tested For Different Things. Joint Pain Really Hurts And Brain Isn’t

Pile I   -  Friedel Anderson , 2013.

German,  b. 1954  -  

Oil on canvas , 80 x 65 cm

Ranting

I feel really sad lately. Feel almost alone because I feel like no one really understands me. I try to make friends online, but most people just blame me for things out of my control or just get upset with me because I struggle to take jokes or anything. I have two friends I really care about and I should be happy about that, but when they are busy I just feel even more alone. Feel like I'm almost dependent on other people which is bad and I need to fix that. I think I need to find happiness in myself, but it's so hard when you live with so much guilt and trauma. Feels like my own mind and skin is filthy and can't get clean so I crave other people to be around so I can take my mind off of it. I'm sorry to rant about this, I just don't know what else to do and wanted to get it off my chest and throw into void. I just feel scared to talk about my issues sometimes cause what if I word it wrong and someone gets mad at me? I'm sorry if this seems like a pity me or something, I just want to curl up in a ball and cry because feel sad, alone, and like I'm a bad person.

Autistic school trauma is:

knowing you’re disliked, but not being able to know why

consistently being called out for your stims because they’re “disruptive” or “annoying”

trying to simply mesh in with others to avoid getting targeted

suppressing your anger to the point that you feel it’s not justified

never being able to form connections no matter how hard you try, and thinking it’s your fault

being able to form connections but never being able to be true to yourself or set boundaries since you’re so used to being disrespected

witnessing ableism from classmates but not doing anything about it because they’ll just invalidate you

never feeling like your opinions can be validated because you’re “weird”

being outcasted by your classmates constantly

having classmates either let you know outright or subtly that you’re disliked

eventually believing that you deserve to be disliked

suffering from chronic low self esteem that affects your grades, your ability to function, and even your ideas of love

frequently getting into toxic/codependent friendships

having teachers criticize you constantly for your symptoms

living from a complex of never being good enough

feeling like you have to reach a neurotypical standard on a daily basis and if you don’t, you’re incompetent

if you’re feeling any of these things because of school, autistic or not, know that what you are experiencing is trauma, and that your trauma is valid. You don’t deserve to be in a school environment where you are consistently criticized or made to feel like you don’t belong nor can’t be good enough. You deserve an environment that makes you feel safe enough to be neurodivergent, to be yourself. You deserve to feel loved, to feel cared for, exactly as you are, with no strings attached.

Reposting because I wanna watch a few of them 😁💕

Here’s a list of miscellaneous children’s shows with links to full episodes for whenever you wish to watch them!

𐐪𐑂 Strawberry Shortcake (2003)

𐐪𐑂 Bluey

𐐪𐑂 My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

𐐪𐑂 Batman: The Animated Series

𐐪𐑂 My Friend Rabbit

𐐪𐑂 Care Bears (1985)

𐐪𐑂 Care Bears: Unlock the Magic

𐐪𐑂 Rupert

𐐪𐑂 Maggie and the Ferocious Beast

𐐪𐑂 Miss Spider’s Sunny Patch Friends

𐐪𐑂 Little Bear

𐐪𐑂 Rolie Polie Olie

𐐪𐑂 Babar

𐐪𐑂 64 Zoo Lane

𐐪𐑂 The Upside Down Show

𐐪𐑂 Rubberdubbers

𐐪𐑂 Monster High (G1)

𐐪𐑂 Monster High (G3)

𐐪𐑂 Ruby Gloom

𐐪𐑂 Super Mario Brothers Super Show

𐐪𐑂 Growing Up Creepie

𐐪𐑂 Tutenstein

𐐪𐑂 The Magic School Bus

𐐪𐑂 Angelina Ballerina

𐐪𐑂 Moomin (1990)

𐐪𐑂 Whisker Haven: Tales with the Palace Pets

𐐪𐑂 Enchantimals: Tales from Everwilde

𐐪𐑂 Catch! Teenieping

𐐪𐑂 Onegai! My Melody

𐐪𐑂 Little Twin Stars

𐐪𐑂 Sugarbunnies

𐐪𐑂 Calico Critters

Here’s a small, pretty personal comic, about how growing up with undiagnosed autism has led to me struggling to share negative emotions with other people. (I think unfortunately many can relate to this)

Neurodivergent Passport

A wee update with some exciting news about My Neurodivergent Passport: a tool to communicate your needs, strengths, and sensory/communication profiles.

Following some feedback the passport has been updated.

You can now get a printed version of My Neurodivergent Passport! You can buy it here!

You can also get it as a free PDF on my blog.

I hate the idea that I have to be good and well-behaved bc I'm disabled. I'm an evil little guy who exists to cause mischief in a redneck town

why do people assume my symptoms will just go away when my tests come back negative? like you assuming my symptoms go away when tests comes back kinda makes me believe you never believed i had symptoms at all. im not a hypochondriac, im in fucking pain.