In The Summer 2023 I Started My Jurney Of ✨re-wiring My Brain ✨ To Learn Again How To Read, How To

I was learning DaVinci Resolve today but ended up working on the next YouTube Video with CapCut, because it’s hard for me to learn new Programms without someone sitting next to me and answering all the questions. I am still very proud of me, because this is the first Study With Me video and it’s really nice ❤️‍🩹✨

Review: L‘Étranger (Albert Camus)

Too bad I could not read it in French. I wish I could.

I really liked HOW it was written. The first half of the story is just cis men being cis men in a nutshell (ignoring, supporting each others in the violence they do, pretending like nothing happens, even helping each other while being like oh yeah he is a good guy you know). The other half is more philosophical. It hit differently also because I had an Ex who was pretty much like the main character: not interested in anything (except YouTube videos), not having opinions, not experiencing emotions very much (not expressing them is one thing but feeling bored by literally everything is different), not being able to have deep connections and be vulnerable with himself or others. On the other hand, the main character is wildly autistic coded for his inability to cope with physical stimuli (I feel that a lot) and remembering things others would not remember while reacting „inappropriately“ to stuff. So I don’t think I liked the story, but it’s on me. I liked how it is written though, Italien watching a film, so many details but it’s not too much. It’s like a strange diary of someone, who does not need people and actually doesn’t mind to die because people are too boring and everything is useles anyway. Something like that. But I would need to read some interpretations for sure, especially since I have bel reading in German.

Review: Anarchism: Arguments for and Against (by Albert Meltzer)

Very tiny book, less than 100 pages. But quite easy to understand for someone who reads stuff in english besides social media content. I did not know some words and there are definitely some things I need to do research on because I did not complitely understood how smth is ment. But it’s a book full of short answers, which in itself is a great concept. If someone needs/wants to dive deeper they can, but if they don’t want/cannot afford it atm they will have some closer to reality picture of anarchism and how a lot of things that are called anarchism actually are none. I am planing to read some things by Black authors on topic of abolition, but this was definitely helpful to find some ground from which I can move forward.

The book is older and it has no mention of genderqueer people (though it has mention of what’s usually called sexual minorities). I did not see anything about Disability as well.

The last weeks were somehow mentally heavy. I mean, I know why, it’s just that I always hope, that this time my body and mind will be used to it. But the only way how we are used to it is to not see it until some weeks in the situation already. It sucks, honestly. I now have to, again, make up a new routine with little to no knowledge about my working hours at the internship, pretend like everything is fine there and then spontaneously change the plan every time someone else wants it changed. I didn’t know that an internship in a theater can be THAT autism unfriendly?? Sure, was clear that it will have some chaos, but really not having no palm at all and not even trying to give the interns some sort of knowledge? Nobody even told me upfront “hey btw we are a theater that has no scripts or anything, we just do stuff in the process, so you need to be prepared for changing hours and not knowing more than one day ahead”. It would be horrible news but it would be better than to find it out on the second day (on the first day nobody told us anything really).

I really really need to stop giving a damn haha

But how when Disability bE DiSaBiLiTing?😭🥲🫠

P.s. it’s a so called “inclusive theater” btw and yes they might be mostly good to the acting group but I am also Disabled can someone include me please T___T

Berlin🌸

Just mailed my new Newsletter (vol.2 jippie! What a time to be alive!) This time talking about ME/CFS, #stillcoviding, solidarity and anger because of the lack of it. I wish I could host my own magazine type of situation.. Maybe one day with a special person. I love writing, people seem to like reading my things as well or at least most of them. The only way how I can become self-sufficient in a financial way would be by becoming a "full time" educator and writer. (I say "full time", because in my condition the only full tim eactivity I take part in is taking care of my basic needs. Still now always succeeding..)

Other topic: I have ordered some secondhand books and plan to write some book reviews on things i read recently and really liked. There are not many, but i have not written a book review in a very very long time.

While working on a telegram Chanel for the clothes and other items I make I tried to count every item (excluding pinns, patches, sticker, postcards, posters) I have made since starting the project in 2019 and even having quite abbreviated in between years… 93 items is what u could count. But I don’t remember all of them and definitely don’t have all of them photographs either •_• so there is actually more. Probably over 100.

🤎✨Feel like cotton✨🤎