Ahhh! Friend! I Love Tag Games! :) Thank You For Thinking Of Me.

I don't have a cool or interesting post today. Highschool sucks. I have no one. I'm so incredibly lonely it's not even funny. I got my heart broken for the 2nd time by the same person. It feels like the one millionth time. My heart aches. My eyes want to cry, but nothing will come out. The thing is, it's not his fault either. Maybe I just deserve it. Everything. I'm sorry self. I told you I would be better. But the crying won't stop. I'm sorry. When will this go away? When can I feel like me again? I don't even know who I am anymore. This isn't for attention. This is for myself. I tried comforting me, but instead, I'm falling apart.

This is my theme for today;

Personality Quirks/Quirks in General I Have:

-Flinch at physical contact

-Can't navigate for the life of me, but once I have a path down, I will never not go that path

-Can't solve most school locks

-Always paranoid that someone is going to hurt me. Mostly stab or shoot me.

-Paranoid of people behind me, that's why I never turn my back on people. Literally.

-Can't eat in front of people because I'm messy, and another reason.

-Literally the most mess of a person you will ever meet.

-I use literally too much.

-I cry over everything. I know I'm over emotional.

-But some reason, can't show weakness in front of strangers/my parents.

-I have a very, very good long term and short term memory.

-I always have a weird way of thinking and cannot follow the way teachers teach me.

-Due to my number phobia, both clocks and math are hard for me to deal with.

-Seriously. I have no idea what goes on during math. I just pretend to know what I'm doing.

-And also, I have a schedule for sleeping due to the phobia of numbers.

-I need every friend of mine to give me a gift, preferably a plushie, once we get close because I need something that reminds me of them + bares their smell in case I lose that person.

-I am too much of a perfectionist and can't stand when things are out of order.

-If the house is messy/my room, I can't work, sleep, and I become restless.

-I have a MASSIVE fear of losing my friends/my friends being killed my enemies.

-That's why I'm overprotective of them.

-I wear my heart on my sleeve too much, and always get broken in the end.

-I either trust completely or not at all, there's no in between.

-I have two personalities, the way I see me, and the way my friends see me. Both are very accurate to who I am.

-I constantly struggle with balance in my life.

-If you are my enemy, yoU'RE GOING DOWN. I will not let you hurt my friends. Ever. Fight me.

-I have an overwhelming fear of school shootings/mass shootings and always prepare myself for one.

-I watch scary documentaries and then go to sleep and have nightmares.

-I count nightmares as just dreams.

-I remember all of my dreams. I frequently lucid dream, but just see what happens instead of controlling myself.

-I seem chill, but I'm super uptight.

-I am drawn to people that have the "bad boy" look.

-I read too many X Readers because I need to feel loved.

-I love people watching.

-When I have a crush, I'll stalk them online.

-Animals always consider me their mate for some reason??

"How am I supposed to say I miss you and I love you when you ruined my life? How am I supposed to morn you when you were my monster, controlling me like a puppet that I wasn't. I'm free, and yet here I am, still confused. Are you family or a foe? Am I supposed to miss you or forget you? Am I even supposed to have these thoughts?"

- Dreaming of Wolves//Dark 3AM Thoughts

"You lead me on. Through every word, every single text, you romanticized the idea of our friendship. You slowly gained my trust even after years of me not trusting people. I even said I'd take a bullet for you. You told me you'd stay, unlike the others. You told me you'd stay. You told me you'd stay. And I believed you.

And then you left.

Breaking every word that you ever said to me."

- Dreaming of Wolves // Spilled

Things I Needed To Hear But Never Did:

- You are enough. No matter what, you are enough.

- It's okay to not be okay.

- Never stay in toxic relationships. Run away as far as you can from them.

- People break your heart. And it's okay. And it's okay to feel like you will never live again. You'll survive. I promise.

- You deserve the love you give others too.

- You deserve to be protected.

- It's okay to be vulnerable.

- Opening up to others is beneficial. Not every person will be as untrustful as the first. You can trust some.

- You deserve love. You deserve affection. You deserve a personal connection.

- Someone misses you somewhere.

- You don't have to be perfect. Perfection isn't the key to everything.

- Apologies may fix it in words, but actions are what really matter.

- Love yourself before you try and love anyone else.

- They're not staring at you. They don't hate you. Breathe. It's okay. You're okay. Everything is okay. No need to panic.

This is also a pretty forgotten, but great film (in my opinion).

bee movie is cool and all but let’s discuss all these equally unnecessary animated movies that have been forgotten by the passage of time

Welp.

I guess I'm a cute anime girl then. uwu

The 11th gif in your folder is how you flirt.

And who’s said I’m not hot?

An open letter to future me:

Alright. Here we go. I'm a bit nervous to write this, because if I know myself right now, you are just waiting to read this and cringe at it. I'm sorry. I hope you aren't mad at me.

First of all, self, I know right now I have absolutely no hope and no self esteem for any bright future, but I have a feeling, a singular feeling, that you're going to go far. Maybe not me, but you. I hope you remember me, though. It's okay if you leave me behind. Change is necessary, but don't forget what was once here. Never let me fade away from your mind. Let me strengthen you. And let me remind you to heal and comfort the shattered child inside of you. She needs you. Her fight with her demons is slowly failing. She needs you to protect you. I need you to protect me. I need you to protect yourself. Draw your sword, your bow, and call upon your heart and please - come save us.

Save yourself. But save everyone else too. Save everyone you can. You might not be able to save everyone, and that's okay, but you tried. You tried. You tried so hard. I know. And it's okay. Breathe. It's okay. You tried.

Saving other people has been such a big fear and big strength of yours. I think you knew that you'd never be able to save yourself, so you tried to save everyone else, and when you couldn't, you blamed yourself. You must try to save yourself before you can try to save anyone. Trust me. You are still worth saving. You still can be saved. I promise.

This war within yourself, it has yet to be completed. There has to be a white flag somewhere, right? There has to be peace somewhere. Every war has an ending. Don't give up. The war will be over soon. I give my heart and hope to you. I give you my swords, but I hope you find a way to put your demons to rest without violence. Your demons will transform into something more beautiful. You only have to learn how to heal them too, as you are healing yourself. Your scars may stay the way they came, but they are not a reminder of your present or future. They will heal emotionally, not physically. They are your reminder that you are a warrior; a fighter. You can get through this. You got through that, this is no different. You are not your scars. You are not your past. You can do anything you dream of. Pull yourself together, kiddo. Paint a smile, a true one. You got this.

Your friends? They are your everything. But - you are my everything too. The love you show everyone else? I equally feel that for you and more. I love you. So, so much. I am so proud of you. You deserve every great thing in this world. You may be a mess, but your my mess, and I promise you, this mess is a painting. Some just need to look closer. Don't you dare care what anyone else thinks about you. You are a pretty awesome person. A pretty darn great one. You are trying to be a better person everyday, and that is what counts. You try to be better - you try to change for the better everyday. I love you for that. You may not be perfect, and that is okay. I'm not going to tell you to stop reaching for perfection, but don't be hard on yourself. You are getting better everyday. I am so proud of you. I'm proud. I'm proud. I'm proud. Screw the others who never told you that. Screw the others who never loved you. Screw them. I love you. And I frickin care about you. So much. I miss you, too. In every way.

You are worth it. You are loved. You are so much more than you think you are. You are so strong. And to those who said you could never, prove them wrong. Prove them all wrong. I promise you, you will do everything you want. You have time to become the person you want to be. You have time. Change is scary, believe me, we used to fear it, but change is so good and so necessary. Embrace it. Embrace this world everytime you get. Embrace my words. When no one else loves you, I'll be here. I'll always love you, because I know deep down, even if you hate me, I know you still love me. That's why we're alive. We're giving each other chances. That's what is important. This life is worth living. This game is worth playing. Remember me. Remember this letter. Remember my words. They will stick.

Your friends are so important to you, but I want you to know that everything you have said to them, I say back to you. Look in the mirror and smile, my friend. Please. Do it for me. Because whoever looks back at you is enough. Look down at your hands. You are enough. Through every broken crack, you are enough. Let the light overtake you. Let the happiness seep in a illuminate your whole. I give you what is mine, take my heart, my soul, carefully heal yourself with your needle. Stitch yourself back together. Unfold your wings. It's time to soar. And it's time to let go.

Take care of our friends for me, okay? Tell them I love them. And I miss them. Tell them those words everyday. Spend time with them. Forgive people who wrong you and defend what you believe is right. Regret nothing. Absolutely nothing. Live your life the way you want to, not the way they pressure you to.

I hope you've gotten out of your bad situation. I hope you don't turn back. I hope you've gotten into that one relationship you were dying for. I hope you love that person with your whole heart. I hope they are your soulmate. I hope that they give you the love that you deserve. I hope you heal everyone you come in contact with. I hope you give them everything you hav, but leave love for yourself. I hope you talk about your problems and start a much needed conversation. I hope you meet those artist and poet people that you've been dying to have conversations with. I hope you have deep conversations at midnight. I hope your friends come and visit you. I hope you can have those really cool sleepovers at your own house. I hope you get your dream house. I hope you become everything you want to be.

I hope you make so many memories that you are overfilled with joy.

I hope you give yourself everything you deserve.

To all of the heartbreaks and to all of the scars we still have. To past me, present me, and future me, and to the friends who have shaped us,

Future self, you are doing great. I love you.

- Past me

How about rabbit fren? uwu

okay so i had a really fucked up dream last night and im still kinda shaken and nauseous even though i’ve been awake for hours so if anybody wants to send me happy asks or pictures of your pets or just anything nice your local flowerchild would Very Much Appreciate It 

(especially pictures of pet rats if you have one)

Andi Mack has officially been cancelled.

#mood