Remember When I Said Bruce Would Forget His Kids Arre Adopted?

Starting to think a cooler headcanon for Clark’s upbringing might just be that the entire town of Smallville collectively decided to just go with it and accept that Martha and John's kid has superpowers, but we don't talk about it.

Someone's tractor gets stuck and nothing can get it out? "Be a dear and run down to the Kents, would you? Ask for Clark?"

"Why Clark, we need a machine--"

"Run along now."

Or if he kicks too hard and the football vanishes into the upper stratosphere, no it didn't, we all collectively saw it land over there *vague hand movements*

Jason: Hey, how did my phone break?

Dick: You were drunk yesterday.

Jason: And?

Dick: You threw it.

Jason: Why?

Dick: You turned on airplane mode and kept screaming, “FLY, DAMN YOU!”

Jason: And why didn’t you stop me?!

Dick: I was too busy laughing my ass off. Plus, remember that time I was really drunk, and instead of taking me to the bathroom, you threw me in bed? I woke up having wet myself!

Jason: Yeah— to be fair, you were going to piss yourself regardless. There’s no way you could hold your Richard.

Dick: Stop calling it that!

Jason: Stop going by Dick.

I have this headcanon that Duke is like… the only person who can shit talk Damian to his face and everyone else is flabbergasted bc like- its damian, but Duke lives with the guy and actually has no chill, so Damian allows it because… Duke’s like… his closest brother because they live together.. like-

Damian: *scowling around at people at a very important social event* Dick: *trying to get him to smile* Duke: *flatly, snaps his fingers twice in Damian’s direction* Fix your face Critter Dick: *ready to hold Damian back if he attacks* Damian: *bats Duke’s hand away, but smooths out his expression and almost looks… normal* ~ Duke and Jason: *having a discussion* Damian: *walks in* D+J: *laugh* Damian: What am I missing? Duke: *without missing a beat* a few inches of height Jason: *agog* Damian: *rolls eyes* ~ Robin: I need to get to the top of that wall Signal: You do? Damn. Thats a shame. *whistles* Damian: *scowling* Duke: Do you have something to ask, short stack? Dick: *ready to intervene on Duke’s behalf* Damian: *through gritted teeth*  Could you help me up the wall, Signal? Please. Duke: *smirks. Yeets him up* Dick: *gagged* Bruce: *used to it, sighs*

If they were transformers what vehicle would they be

Dick: a clown car

Jason: a freight train

Tim: the Batmobile he embezzled

Damian: a horse-drawn carriage

Duke: a Mars rover

Cullen: a go-kart

Stephanie: a speedboat

Cassandra: a UFO

Barbara: a submarine

Harper: an 18-wheeler

Carrie: an ice cream truck

Kate: a bulldozer

Helena: a helicopter

Luke: a fighter jet

Bette: an ATV

Alfred: a coach bus

Selina: a limousine

Bruce: a suburban dad van

BONUS – the Joker: a Tesla cybertruck

the thing is, if Bruce plays his cards right, he could get all of his kids in leadership and/or hereditary positions in all of the major superhero, vigilante, and business organizations in the world.

Damian - Head of the League of Assassins, hereditary title from his Mother and/or Grandfather.

Dick - Leader of the Titans, and then potentially the Justice League later. Head of WE’s fundraising arm briefly. Possible option for a politically appointed GCPD or BHPD position.

Tim - takes over as Leader of the Titans when Dick moves into the JL. Head of Wayne Industries/Enterprises/Etc. Influential person to Kon-El and Lex Luthor, by proxy.

Jason - Leader of various Gotham underground organizations, crime syndicates, anywhere in the Underworld that’s useful to Bruce.

:)

the decision to make damian a doctor is genuinely an excellent idea bc at the end of the day a big part of his character is ultimately feeling as if he has to honour his family. I don’t necessarily think that he has to give that up to change and grow as a character- in fact becoming a doctor quite literally is the inverse of his horrible childhood. it literally demonstrates the extent to which he wants to prevent harm to others, when he literally started out as an assassin.

besides i know bruce was smug as fuck towards talia lmaoooooooo



talia: you don’t understand- he MUST honour his grandfather’s legacy.

bruce, choking back tears: yeah he fuckin will 🫡

"That's all from Talia," Bruce says about a characteristic Damian absolutely, 100% inherited from him.

”Soundwave put a gag on that one” “Soundwave read that guy’s mind” “Soundwa—“ I KNOW they drive him crazy the way he’s the only competent one, wouldn’t be surprised if the rest of the high guard often goes to him for most problems (esp when they’re like “I TOLD you it wasn’t tight enough” or “that just means he believes himself” y’all omg then don’t tell him to do stuff if you’re just gonna say he did it wrong 😭)

And so this is how Soundwave copes with the stress

THE SHIT (GOLD) YOU FIND IN THE OCEAN (YOUTUBE COMMENT’S SECTION)