I'd Like To Stop Being Anxious Now. My Head Is Exploding.

You are just a fragment of my imagination

it feels insulting to cry out loud

when some have loved and lost you

and I've only lost.

Migraine aura + Splitting/ Spiraling = Fucked

Relating to this on another level these days.

bpd culture is feeling like you're getting better until you start dating someone and getting interested in them and then realizing you're still so, so broken

.

Time to go underground and push everyone away after an overwhelming weekend.

*goes through a hard time*

Me: I must be pretending

*feels incredibly lonely and wants to talk to someone*

Me: ew I'm too needy and weak

*experiences shitloads of emotional pain*

Me: stfu you're not a baby, gulp it down alone like an adult

I need to destroy myself to feel satisfied

I can't form so much as a tear

but I seem to be drowning still.

“The other day, lying in bed, I felt my heart beating for the first time in a long while. I realized how little I live in my body, how much in my mind”

-Rodger kamenetz, from Terra infirma

The urge to just destroy myself. To cut off everything. To go radio silent on everyone because my brain is absolutely convinced I'll be best off alone, locked in a tiny little box.

Why can't I just have a moment to breathe? To actually enjoy my bit of happiness I get here and there.

A totally unexpected plan ending as a tool to rediscover your sexuality and dabbling into other's fantasies as it made you tap into your inner dom is ecstatic, especially when you've been in a constant bpd depressive episode and stuck in every other aspect of your life.

I never lost it but found something even more exciting.