Sirius With A Wand To Severus's Head: What Happens If I Avada You? Heaven?

Please this is such a cute mental image 😭

7 year old snape: physically, i’m here. mentally, i'm lost in a thick forest, collecting mushrooms in a basket and carrying a tiny frog around in my pocket.

I have so many photos of here u are, a half of my gallery is just here u are 😂

Y'all remember that post of me wanting a sev x marauders baby harry time travel au? Yeah I'm making that shit now it's gonna be on ao3 I've already got most of chapter one done. It's set in their 4th year so shit's salvageable, I might make other fic's tied to it like a before and after, I really wanna make the playlist into fic's so I'll be adding that.

¿Would anyone read it?

Severus, grinning: I have a knife!

Narcissa: Put it down, Severus.

Severus: Make me! *sprints away*

More incorrect quotes

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Severus: Start talking!

James: Well, I-

Severus: Shut up!

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James: This date is boring!

Severus: This isnt a date. I said I was going to the store.

James: Then why did you invite me?

Severus: I didnt, I specifically said "dont come with me" then you said " fuck you Severus I'll do whatever I want!

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Severus: Bro-

James: No, no, hold up, rewind.

James: My tongue was down in your throat just a second ago and now you're calling me bro??

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Sirius: Oh, my God. Do you know what this is?

Severus: It’s a book. There’s a lot of those in here, this is a library.

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James: Can I ask a dumb question?

Severus: Better than anyone I know.

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Remus: Why should I make my bed, when I'm just gunna unmake it to sleep in it anyways?

Severus: Why should I feed you if your just gunna die anyways?

Remus:

Remus: I'll go make my bed-

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Severus: Remus, get that hidious thing out of the living room, would you?

Remus: Sirius, Severus wants you to get out of the house.

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Remus, bursting into the room: You two are having sex!

Severus, not looking up from their book: Really? James, why didn’t you tell me? I would have put my book down.

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Sirius: It’s impossible to make a sentence without using the letter a.

Severus: Despite your thinking, it is quite possible, yet difficult, to form one without the specific letter. Here’s one more to further disprove your theory.

James: Fuck you.

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Sirius: Severus, I am questioning your sanity...

James: I never questioned it, I knew their sanity was missing from the start.

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James: Remus, I’m afraid.

Remus: Just stay close to Severus.

James: That's why I’m afraid.

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Remus: And now for a gay update with Severus and Sirius.

Sirius: Getting gayer.

Remus: Thank you, Sirius.

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Remus: H-how do you ask someone out?

Sirius: Well, first-

Severus: Don't ask him, he asked me out in a McDonalds parking lot.

Remus: ...And you said yes?

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James: When you work at lush and a customer comes in and bites the soap because they think it’s cheese... this happens way more frequently than you think.

Severus: If you stopped literally presenting soap as deli food this wouldn't happen.

James: Who goes into a bath store and thinks something covered in glitter is cheese?

Remus: Who goes to the store and just takes a bite from the cheese?

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Sirius: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Severus: Okay.

Sirius: And make out during the scary parts.

Severus: Th-

Severus: The scary parts.

Severus: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

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Severus: Look, last night was a mistake.

Sirius: A sexy mistake.

Severus: No, just a regular mistake.

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Severus, after getting a job as a life guard: Hmm... I wonder what those things at the bottom of the pool are..

Remus: THOSE ARE PEOPLE DROWNING!

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Remus: *angrily presses Severus against a wall* WHERE'S THE CHOCOLATE?!

Severus: ...

Severus: Are we about to kiss-

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Severus: You know you've made it when you see your picture everywhere you go.

Remus: Those are wanted posters!

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Severus: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake.

James: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear.

Severus: ...

Severus: You mean ring bearER, right?

James: ...

Severus: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

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*James and Severus looking at a locked gate into a park*

James: Aw. :(

Severus: You know what they say.

James: Please don’t-

Severus: BE GAY DO CRIME! *hops gate*

James: Fuck-

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Severus: Watcha doin?

James: Stealing my neighbour’s cat.

Severus: Scandalous.

Severus: Can I help?

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James: I got grounded for a whole week just because I came home late.

Severus: Well, you deserved it. I mean, getting everyone's hopes up like that and then showing up again.

*******

Severus: What's gone wrong, James?

James: Hey! That’s one hell of a thing to say to a person. Just because I’m calling doesn’t mean there’s a crisis.

Severus: That’s technically true, I suppose. Why are you calling?

James: Well... There’s a crisis.

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Severus: I’ve never been in a snowball fight before. I don’t know the rules.

James: What?

Severus: Is there a point system, or is it to the death?

*****

Sirius, dramatically: They called me a fool.

Severus, sick of Sirius's shit: They weren’t wrong.

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Severus: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning.

Sirius: This is a lie.

Sirius: I'm literally dating them. This is a lie.

Sirius: THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.

***

Severus: You shouldn't be using a straw.

Sirius: I know, I know, it's bad for the environment and stuff.

Severus: Yeah, but I mean... it's a weird way to eat spaghetti.

**

Sirius: We all have our demons.

Sirius, grabbing Severus: This one’s mine.

*

Sirius: What goes up but never comes down?

Severus: The amount of stress you're bringing this family.

Remus: Fruits that do not live up to their names; passionfruit, grapefruit, honeydew and dragonfruit.

Remus: Fruits that do live up to their names?

Remus: Orange.

Narcissa: Severus...

Severus: Oh no, 'Severus' in b-flat.

Severus: You're disappointed.

THEY UPDATED HERE U ARE!!!!!!!

THEY UPDATED AGAIN!! 💞💞💞💞

WARNING:SPOILER AHEAD

I sorta wish I knew this when I was a kid. Reblog to save a life.

IF YOU NEED TO CALL 911 BUT ARE SCARED TO BECAUSE OF SOMEONE IN THE ROOM, dial and ask for a pepperoni pizza. They will ask if you know you’re calling 911. Say yes, and continue pretending you’re making an order. They’ll ask if there’s someone in the room.

You can ask how long it will take for the pizza to get to you, and they will tell you how far away a dispatcher is.

Here is an example video