HE HAVETH THE TOT

Elaborate, if you will-

Just realized the ultimate flex on the planet Arrakis would be a bowl of rice

If you sat under someone's bed and played Roxanne by The Police so faintly they thought they were imagining it, how long do you think it would take them to go insane? Asking for a friend

idk if anyone else has seen the surge of memes making fun of cave divers recently. there was a comment on one that was like "cave divers with 4 kids, 2 degrees, a loving wife and a huge house when they learn that Satan's Sphincter has a 0% survival rate" it had me crying laughing

This is just A Boy Named Sue by Johnny Cash

Parenting tip: name your kid something dumb in order to help them get bullied at school

I am not surprised by any of this-

@fall1ngawayfromm3 @ketchup-will-live-through-this @gigglesum @lucasartsydudeeee15

starting a tag game cause, why not? 🤍

how does pinterest sees you?

flower, pantone, actor, singer and couple!

🏷 @rambosgirl , @elflutter , @pinkbowslutt , @darryiciouscious , @lastchr1stmas , @gingersforeverbox , @h-harleybaby .

Back in my early twenties when I weighed about 90lbs I was always freezing cold. For this reason I wore jackets like an exoskeleton, layering a button up, hoodie, and an outer long wool coat. The upshot of this was always having tons of pockets, in which I carried a vast array of things.

Practical things like my keys, wallet, chapstick, of course. But also less conventional things like stray buttons, paperback books, little toys, nail clippers, and open bags of candy when I offered strangers new acquaintances candy they always said yes which either says they weren’t raised right or I’m more charming than years of being told not to do that.

I really loved my coats but I did sometimes need to move quicker than they allowed. I remember a friend’s utter astonishment when I saw someone I needed to run up to and said hold my coat. He was left holding my carapace and when I returned he couldn’t stop staring. “You’re so small under there, I’ve thought you were a normal person this whole time but it was all coat!”

At the doctors office getting weighed a week or so later I asked if I needed to take off my coat and boots. She said no, and I stepped on the scale. “A hundred and twenty pounds,” she announced.

My eyebrows shot up and I said, “Sorry, hang on.” I shucked my coat and boots to her impatience and stepped back on.

Her eyes widened and she looked back from me to the coat before saying accusingly, “Ninety seven.”

I nodded and redonned my protective carapace.

KING OF MY LIFE

All hail Shresus (Shrimp Jesus)

@comettingmurder

(Ty to my friend for making this beauty)

🥳🔪🕺🔥💃✨️🤗🎉🤩🎊❤️‍🔥🤪🗡😈🎉🤺