Sirius Carrying Remus Up From The Basement After The Full Moons And Tucking Him Into Bed

While putting your favorite condiment on a sandwich, you accidentally make a magical occult symbol and summon a demon.

“Say hello to mechanically separated chicken.”

Happy Pride Month to you all, here’s an angry slam poem

Shout out to David in the back there

Tell me your “coming out” story. Go on. Tell me when you came out as straight. Tell me when you sat with your mum or your dad or your friends and uttered the word to them like a dirty little secret you have to get out of your head. Tell me when the mantra “rip off the band aid” spun round your brain as you searched and searched for the courage to say that you are a heterosexual and you’re proud to be this way. Tell me about when you got told that your favourite grandma would worry too much if she could possibly know how your significant other is NOT the same gender as you? Too much fuss too much to do she’ll ring you up daily chanting “get better soon!” And if we were 30 years back in the world or living in America (what a strange little world) then she’d strap you to chairs and put plugs in your ears and see how many volts could make you be queer. Tell me about when you walked through the street hand in hand with you straight lover and heterophobes you did meet, shouting and bellowing, slurring and screams, you had to hold tight and walk head down, quick and meek. Tell me about when you took them to a film and as you sat down and watched you realised that all of the couples on that big screen were queer girls or gay ass queens and there’s no representation of what straight people are like. There’s the quirky bisexual but even in this flipped universe they’re presented all wrong, there’s a token film about you and your heterosexual crew or the token straight friend that’s the gay comedians muse but there’s no respect in media for people like you. Unless you’re in safe spaces and even then outside of those spaces people spit and scorn “little babies in there hiding away from the world!” “Creepy perverts in there and all of their porn!!”

So tell me about when you came out as straight Straight from the womb Straight to the date with a person that doesn’t share your gender traits Straight to a world where straight is the way.

Have you ever had a day where your mood is Dionysus in the Lightning Thief musical?

The Hogwarts Houses As Musicals

Gryffindor - Hamilton

Hufflepuff - Wicked

Ravenclaw - The Book of Mormon

Slytherin - Heathers

Hamilton, George Washington’s secretary of the treasury, once lost his check book, and had to ask for a new one.

on a list of dumb shit i know:

the grass in the original shrek movie is not grass. its hair. they used hair textures for the grass bc the actual grass for some reason in their computer modelling programs would not behave like grass so they used hair textures colored green.

Reblog if you're not homophobic

Every url that reblog’s will be written in a book and shown to my homophobic dad. 

IVE MET A SEX OFFENDER ON THE APP TINDER AND IM WARNING EVERYONE IN AND AROUND AUSTIN TEXAS OF THIS MAN. I CONTACTED TINDER AND THEY REFUSE TO TAKE ANY FURTHER ACTION. PLEASE REBLOG THIS SO THAT OTHER GIRLS CAN STAY SAFE FROM THIS MAN. HES TERRIBLE.

Inspired by this post by @ladydrarry

(Rowena) Ravenclaw: *laying on the floor having an existential crisis* (Helga) Hufflepuff: *quietly lays next to them* (Salazar) Slytherin: *shakes head in defeat and sits next to the other two* (Godric) Gryffindor: *lays entire body on top of Ravenclaw*

I was thinking about the Grim Reaper recently. They’re not tied to any particular religion, they just personify death and collect the soul and take them…where? What if they’re like afterlife HR?

“So hey! You’re right on time! Okay, your chart says ‘Hellenic.’ Got your coin for the ferryman? No?! Alright, here’s the deal: sign here, River Styx is down the next hall on the left, but you can’t cross for another hundred years. Hey, I don’t make the rules! What do you think a last will and testament’s for, Felix?!”

“Gina! Almost had you there in ‘93 with that heart attack, eh? Eh? Anyway, Catholic, right? Hang a left, St. Peter’s waiting behind the gates, he’ll give you your assignment.”

“Hey boss, this one didn’t believe in afterlife or having a soul– I’m headed to my next appointment.”

“Sanjay! Nice long life you had there, buddy. So you remember where the Great Revolving Door of Reincarnation is– oh wait! You qualify for nirvana! Look at you!”

“So Sam, you’re…agnostic. Come to my office, we’ll discuss your options.”