I Don't Really Think I Deserve All Of This Love, Still Trying To Fight With My Brain

Remembers alcohol is a depressant and i'm on meds 🤸 oh well

Your fav boi is spiraling send help

You know what makes me more enraged about this? He kept acting like i was talking about it as if having alters is some funny shit when i hate these fuckers. I want them dead. I'm being so serious when i say if there was a way to detach them from my brain i'll just instantly kill them. I'm suffering here i'm not here for the shits and giggles. Fuck you

How to force myself to feel emotions my brain doesn't allow me to feel

Okay guys i won't poke the trauma any more i promise

We are NOT splitting a guy about it

I wish syshopping was real so that i could chose some random problematic system to hop into and then kill myself

To smoke or not to smoke, this is the question. (Pondering whether a cigarette too much will make me unable to talk and walk)

Can brain decide just one self destructive thing for me to struggle with

Existing is already so fucking hard as it is

I seriously need endos to fuck the hell off, what i go through daily isn't fun quirky little game you can decide to play, it is a fucking trauma response and i actually have to waste tons of my energy not to cause any more unreversible damage to the other alters. Having other people in your head isn't fucking funny, they're not just "friends you can have inside jokes with". It's tiring. It's debilitating. It's not knowing what will happen when you're not in front. Is having the others getting potentially exposed to danger and being unable to do anything to protect yourself and/or the body. It's others hating you for doing exactly what you were formed to do. The shame, the guilt, the self hate you constantly have to carry around that came after years and years of terrible trauma. It can sometimes be fun but the main point is it's a fucking disorder. I can't stand you guys fucking de-medicalising it so that you can enjoy a fake ass romanticised version of it. I hope my traumas hit you all at once. I hope you split a pre self-consciousness me. I wish all the worst to y'all