Guide: Developing A Close Platonic Friendship

Hi there! Do you have post where you discussed tips/advice on developing platonic relationships between those of the opposite gender? I see all too often the friends-to-lovers trope and while that is entertaining, I would like to expand my writing to develop an intimate friendship between two characters without resorting to the previous trope.

Guide: Developing a Close Platonic Friendship

Close platonic friendships go through many of the same stages and steps as a romantic relationship, but obviously without the romantic and/or sexual interest. Much like a romance, it can begin with an instant “attraction,” or it can develop slowly over time, but it ultimately builds through a series of shared experiences, common interests, and a building of trust.The Different Types of Friendship

acquaintances - known but not known well

associate - sharing a common activity such as work or a class

networking contact - friendly acquaintance who is beneficial to know

mentor - acquaintance who imparts knowledge or experience

social friends - friends you socialize with but don’t rely on in any way

good friends - friends you socialize with but can also count on if you need a favor or some light emotional support

close friends - friends you know well, can be yourself around, and can count on for favors and heavy emotional support

confidant - a close friend who you can tell your secrets to

best friend - your closest friend who you can count on for anything

Depending on where and how a friendship begins, it can advance through the different types of friendship almost as stages of friendship. For example, you might meet someone at work and bond as you begin to work together. Then you might begin to socialize with them a little bit, eventually graduating to hanging out together outside the larger group of friends. As your bond grows, you’ll be more comfortable around each other and trust each other more with your thoughts, feelings, and problems. This kind of friendship can turn into a very close friendship or even a best friendship.

How Friendships Form & How to Write About It

1) Meeting

For a friendship to form, two people have to meet for the first time. The nature of their meeting and the strength of their initial interest in one another usually determines how quickly the friendship forms. Also, the personality of each individual can obviously play a role. When two people meet in a larger group setting such as school, the workplace, or church, their friendship is likely to form a little slower since their time together is likely structured and not always conducive to socializing or bonding. In this case, the friendship has to develop enough for it to graduate to arranging meetings outside the initial group setting.

In other cases, when there’s more room for socializing upon each meeting, a friendship can form much faster. This is especially true when the meetings already occur outside of a structured format, such as when you meet someone in your neighborhood, online, or at the dog park.

It can be helpful to think of your characters’ meeting as the “inciting incident” of their friendship. Consider what was missing from their life prior to meeting this person, and what is gained once they become friends.

2) Moment of Discovery

After two people have met, there’s usually a “moment of discovery” that leads to a feeling of kinship between them. Typically, this discovery has two do with realizing something you have in common, like an affinity for the same subject at school, being huge fans of the same TV show, having the same type of dog, or having two kids who are friends. Often, this leads to the realization that you have other things in common, and with each thing learned and shared, the bond grows stronger.

For your characters, you’ll want to consider what works with the story. Look to your characters’ back stories to see if they have any common experiences, or if it would make sense that they both like something similar. For example, if both of your characters come from remote mountain villages, they might share a like or dislike of a certain type of food common in those villages, or of a certain cultural element.

3) From “Crossing Paths” to Intentional Meetings

Most friendships start without any sort of commitment. Sort of a “see you around” mentality, if you will. But as the two people keep crossing paths and getting to know each other, the friendship will probably graduate to intentional meetings, much like when two romantic interests decide to go on dates. For a friendship that forms in a structured environment, like school or work, the decision will likely be made to “hang out” outside of school or work.Sometimes, two people with an early friendship bond might get thrown into unexpected circumstances that strengthens their bond even more. For example, a group of school friends might get trapped in a cave together for a few days, which not only takes their friendship out of the usual structured environment, but throws them into a situation where they’re forced to get to know each other better, to bond, and to trust each other.

For your characters, consider what works best for your story. Don’t force a friendship. Let it grow organically through the events of the story.

4) Strengthening the Bond

One of the most important things that needs to happen once a friendship is established is things need to happen to strengthen the bond. These two friends need to feel comfortable sharing secrets with each other and knowing they can do so judgment free. They need to discover that the person will be there for them, even in difficult circumstances. As the friendship goes through and survives obstacles and challenges, the bond will grow even stronger.

For your characters, consider the natural opportunities for the friendship to grow in the story. What happens that force these two friends to get to know each other better? What happens that forces them to trust one another and rely on one another?

5) Sex is Sex

Generally speaking, human culture and society has very specific ideas about what constitutes sex and romance. These ideas can obviously differ slightly from culture to culture, and society to society, but we all basically know what these are within our own culture and society, and we’re all capable of guessing what situations might present confusion. But despite these notions, in real life there aren’t always crisp lines that define what is sexual or romantic and what isn’t. For example, a kiss on the cheek can be very affectionate and romantic, or it can be only mildly affectionate and totally platonic. In real life, you can cuddle with your best friend, curled up together in a tangle of limbs while you talk or laugh or comfort–and this can be completely platonic without even an ounce of sex or romance. But in fiction, we don’t have the billion points of data we have in real life to clarify that something is strictly platonic. And as much as we all may crave strictly platonic relationships in the stories we read, we’re programmed to see romance everywhere. This is why two characters on a TV show can’t smile at each other once without launching a thousand Character A x Character B tumblrs and inciting lengthy shipper wars. That said, as much as we may want to experiment with having our platonic characters being very intimate with each other, and doing things like showering together, kissing on the mouth, soft whispers and laughter while cuddling together on a bed–we need to really consider whether that kind of intimacy is really adding anything to the friendship or the story, and whether that thing is important enough to risk the fact that people will want to ship your characters even if you make it clear the relationship is platonic.

What You can Do to Clarify a Friendship is Platonic

If you’re worried that your characters’ friendship is coming off as romantic rather than platonic, there are a few things you can do to help clarify things:

- have your characters occasionally refer to each other as “my best friend” both to each other and to other characters.- give your characters significant others or love interests, or have them talk about people they’re interested in

- establish what your characters are attracted to sexually and romantically, and illustrate the fact that these elements are not present in the best friend

- find ways for your characters to be open about why their relationship isn’t romantic or sexual. For example, having one say, “Too bad you and I can’t hook up. It’d be so much easier than the nightmare of dating.” And then having the other say something like, “Yeah, but we’d drive each other crazy and you know I’m into brunettes.”

- avoid portraying their interactions in ways that will be perceived as sexual or romantic in nature.

Using a Timeline to Pace the Friendship and Tie it Into the Story

To help plot out your characters’ friendship arc and to make sure it ties into the story well, use a timeline like this:

Most important of all, follow your gut! Consider your own friendships, how they developed, what worked and what didn’t, and how something would have gone down if it had happened in one of your friendships.

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{ WIP Introduction } The Romance of the Demigods

Content warnings (for full novel) : fantasy violence, potential er*tic elements

THE QUEEN OF THE EARTH and THE KING OF THE SKY--the capricious Fae-gods have had dominion over the land of Brennenhaugh since time immemorial, from their thrones in the far Erye. The Old Way has long struggled against the encroaching fist of the worshipers of the SONNELIC HOST, the gods that number among the sun and stars.

The conversion of the aging king of Brennenhaugh to the New Faith heralds the death of the tenuous peace between Man and Fae. Practitioners of the Old Magic are tried as witches. Weapons of iron are forged with Fae blood. The commonfolk cower beneath the gauntlet of the Paladins of the Host. And the Fae and their gods watch on from above, around, and below...

Kesh is one-of-a-kind, and it fucking sucks. Born of an unprecedented union between human and Fae, she is destined (or, more accurately, cursed) to wander--when she's not outrunning the furious storms of an insulted god, she's ducking the Paladins of the Host, who would like very much to put an abomination like her to the sword. Luckily enough, with the blood of the Erye warming her cheeks, she changes appearance like breathing, and enjoys a life of mostly-pleasant rambling, roving, and romancing. Free to soak in existence and all of its adventures. Nothing quite heralds adventure, however, like a princess in dire need of help. And, hell, maybe healing the rift between Man and Fae will stop everyone wanting to see her dead...

Nysa, the so-called 'Moon-Kissed Princess', has always excelled at finding third options. When pressed between 'wed the Hierophant of the Sonnelic Host' and 'be assassinated', she chooses instead to flee the once-safety of the palace. Her aim is clear--she must seek the Fae-gods and beg their assistance in the fight for the Old Way, and for her kingdom. She finds the way forward in infamous shapeshifting Demifae, one who claims to know the way to the Aiamede, the fabled domain of the Queen of the Earth. For all that her wits have kept her alive, she has little clue just how close she marches to the arms of the Hierophant...

Eve has known one thing her entire life--she owes her existence to the clergy of the Host. Taken in by the clerics, she has devoted years of training mind and body in service of the Heavenly Bodies. Serving as a paladin is her life's purpose--or so she tells herself. Despite her total immersion in the Sonnelic faith, she can't dispel the gnawing feeling that a spiritual truth exists that the clergy of the Host cannot teach her. When she stumbles into the path of a nearly-assassinated princess, a Demifae that shouldn't exist, and a mysterious former clergyman who shares the strange dreams that have plagued her, Eve sees a path to the truth of the world, and the truth of her nature--though she would rather it come in any other form. Everything she has known no longer seems so simple...

The Sonnelic Host holds the kingdom hostage. Something watches from the Stars. Man and Fae are closer to war than ever before.

Hearts are pulled into the orbit of oblivion, the Heavens fall to the Earth, and somewhere, a Mother yearns for her lost Child.

The key to truth and peace lies in the hands and the blood of those who walk between the worlds.

And no one knows this neck of the woods like Kesh.

THE ROMANCE OF THE DEMIGODS is a New Adult high fantasy romance saga featuring a lively cast of idiots who can't stop falling in love with each other.

THEMES

The joys and pains of romantic love; belonging; self-understanding; multiracial/multicultural identity; organized religion vs. personal faith/spirituality; interpersonal cycles of love and discord & togetherness and separation; passion & devotion (spiritual, romantic); sapphic sexuality & carnality

STATUS

Drafting...

CAST

(non-exhaustive, more TBA? if i'm not lazy about drawing)

Kesh Akesheen fyr Edevanza

“Demifae” to some, “Kesh” to others, the shapeshifter makes a habit of wandering, avoiding iron, and falling in love with just about everyone... except for Eve, the most recent paladin to try and put a sword through her. Tied together by circumstance, Kesh is ready to fight or flee at a moment's notice. She has to admit, though, that as dangerous as it is to lend her magic to a New Faith paladin... it's nothing like she's ever experienced before.

Evening Star "Eve" Aurelim

A paladin of the Sonnelic Host, haunted by disorienting dreams of giant, burning lights, and darkness that stretches to infinity. When she's forced by circumstance into borrowing the magic of the wicked Demifae, the doubts surrounding her faith and her place in the world become all too real. In all of her flailing and questioning, Eve fears more than anything that her true nature will draw her closer and closer to those whom she abhors most.

Nysean "Nysa" of the Royal House au Lloergen, Crown Princess of Brennenhaugh

Nysa is far from accustomed to traveling the open road--and even more unfamiliar with fleeing from the clergy who swore to serve her kingdom. After throwing her lot in with the infamous Demifae, she's plunged into a torrent of adventure and feelings the likes of which she could scarce imagine. As much as she yearns to return to her true love, Nysa must find the court of the Queen of the Earth before she and her allies are caught by the Church of the Host. For the Church will surely take their due--her hand, or her head.

Irial au Ghrianach

An enigmatic former clergyman of the Host, Irial seeks peace in the kingdom of Brennenhaugh above all else. When his ominous dreams draw him to a Princess, a Paladin, and a Demifae, Irial finds that there is much yet to learn about the world outside the Church, and there are yet many roads to peace.

Taglist: @aalinaaaaaa @sarahlizziewrites @thecrookedwriterspath @inkspellangel @crystal-librarian @wip-nook @writeblrsupport

Tag, DM, reply, or fill out this google form to be added or removed from the taglist! Current taglist visible in my pinned <3

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SO CUTE wip intro others wips

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charm-writes

1 year ago

The screenwriters are my comrades and I fully understand how they feel🫡

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psa pay your writers

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charm-writes

2 weeks ago

made this in response to not having anything for small joys saturdays

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charm-writes

1 year ago

Wifey’s MagnifiqueNoir was featured in this article as one of the top 10 Black science fiction/fantasy works Netflix should consider adapting! You can read it here!

I Am Black Sci-Fi

10 Black Science Fiction/ Fantasy Works That Need A Netflix Adaptation | I Am Black Sci-Fi

I Am Black Sci-Fi is a media organization founded in 1999 and focuses on celebrating the fandom and many contributions of Black people to sc

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books recs

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charm-writes

1 year ago

“A Macigian never reveals their secrets. A Witch even less so.”

Well, you had a good run. For the last 70 or so years that you’ve had your little shop in Esmar’s capital, nothing overly exciting happened. Apart from the occasional political changes and economical shifts, you could mostly carry on business as usual. But when the Fae calling herself your “best and only friend” invites you to pull a heist on your rival’s home you didn’t realize what effect that stunt would have on your immortal life. But damn, you really wanted that statue back.

Play Demo

Witch Blood is an upcoming urban fantasy interactive fiction story where you take on the role of one of the last proper witches of Esmar, hoping to resolve a very time-sensitive mystery that might cost you your own life if you don’t get on with the investigation soon.

Does it have to do with random people’s head exploding?

Is this the reason you seem to have more prophetic dreams than usual?

Why are there so many strangers storming into your shop demanding answers you couldn’t possibly know?

And why does your familiar keep eating your receipts? You need those for your taxes!