Chaoticnightmarekitty - Vent Rant Blog Yippie

teeth dividers || free to use

In another universe, I'm kind to everyone I know and myself. In another universe I am no longer frugal with love. In another universe when I pick up the phone, I answer it with "I love you" instead of "Y'ellow!"

In another universe I don't feel bad for asking for a hug. In another universe I don't infect everything around me with how awful I am. In another universe I reach out and hold your hand and you hold mine back.

yes i have a thing for self-loathing fictional characters being loved and in the process learning to love themselves and no that does not imply anything about me personally as a person i swear

A lot of folks in the notes are saying how this is social anxiety. Lol whatever op was describing is not social anxiety.

They don't like being perceived. Idk how hard that is to understand.

For me, social anxiety is about freaking out over social interactions. Of course, being perceived and judged is a part of it but it isn't the main thing ykwim?

But its different for everyone let's all remember that.

Omg omg omg. It all makes so much more sense when you realise it's not social anxiety but a fear of being perceived.

Why do you feel more comfortable with a long coat and a mask as opposed to summer clothes?

Why do you DESPISE taking pictures? Especially if it's someone else and not you taking them.

Why do you feel like you have to stop doing whatever it was you were doing when someone passes by?

Why don't you want to tell anyone how leisurely you go about your day, taking a nap, going for a snack, sitting on your phone playing games etc. because you know they will comment on it and even though it's not negative or mockery it's still feels like you've been perceived?

Why can't you make eye contact? Why can you do it only if the other person is looking away but the second when they look at you you stop listening and when you're the one speaking you can't bear to look at them because you know their eyes are on you and they are perceiving you?

Why don't you want to dress excessively or wear nicer clothes? Because you will stand out

People mistake you for shy because you don't speak often, but it's really the fear of drawing attention to yourself more than it is the things you actually say, isn't it?

Why do you hate overpopulated areas even when no one is speaking? BUT you still feel more comfortable when more than one person is in the room (but not too many!) so that the burden of being perceived is directed on someone else and you can safely lay back just observing the scene.

It's all a defence mechanism

every time i see shit like this i swear it has to be some sort of fucking smell/degredation/humiliation fetish

like ik doing basic things is tough cause depression but damn.

How I feel going to another app (My entire personality changes)

wake up, rot in bed all day, fall asleep, repeat. such a miserable way to live, but i can’t do much else. i’m entirely useless.