You Ever Saved A Reel To Show Someone But Instead Of Your Friend It's You In The Future And You're Stifling

help i can't sleep the west wing theme song is playing on loop in my head

yesterday i was actively fighting tears while staring at ducks and listening to clairo in the park on my lunch break and i think that tells you all you need to know about my mental state right now

okay so you know how last week i had a REALLY SUCCESSFUL WORK CRUSH INTERACTION (granted i did absolutely nothing to prompt it but i do think bc i looked Very Cute (see: hair was wavy and was wearing my uo shirt with my zara slacks) and this was like the one time we were working in the same shift wc decided to take initiative? a girl can dream)

now i rarely see wc- they always schedule us opposite and so today this was like the only time im gonna interact with him until next week and dude. i fumbled so hard....... well to be accurate, i guess to fumble you have to be playing the game. but i was so blech today mainly just really tired and hella out of it and i said hi first but i said it super blechhhhh and then later i saw wc on the line and i was tryna get bread and wc was like HEY WHATS GOOD (not psychotic but very energetic) and i was like 🥹👍 and scampered off bc of chaos. also bc i think the fact that my brain defaults to "no one Reallllly wants to talk to you" and i therefore treat everyone like that i come off super chajkakaoainwnsna like i hope wc doesn't think i hate them...... it's actually quite the opposite... also bc i felt super shitty today. udsghsnakakan i hope we have a shift together this week bc i think we'd really vibe...... ugh just broccoli things i guess rip

the desire to be mysterious is such a pothole... like wdym u didn't work on shit at home bc u didn't want anyone else to see u work

aaaaaaaaaand then after ur emo break someone makes everything feel okay <3 i love my manager sometimes

so storytime. last august i met up with my cousin and his friend who had just moved up here, but tbh i didn't really have fun (probs has to do with the fact that they grew up in a Very different tax bracket and we thus have Very different views on life, politics, morals, etc....). so when he requested to follow me on instagram i ignored it for like. two months until i felt bad and accepted and followed him back. he then dm'd (just to clarify, he has a gf i think he's just lonely in a new city and would like a friend) and we dm'd a little until i decided to just ghost him bc i was so over it :D fast forward to last week i was feeling guiltier than usual about my past actions and decided to just dm him back feigning apologies. and now we're hanging out friday and he wants my number to determine the time? like why sir we r communicating just fine via instagram. i don't need another form of communication through which i must ghost you when neither of us have fun on friday. so anyways i hate myself

why r men so gross like ew

happy earth day planet ilysm <3333 ✿

looking back on old pictures... i know people always say they didn't realize how good they had it but man... things have gotten so much better since...

okay so. omg i finally did the hair curling thing i've been trying to do and it turned out pretty good! gotta work on the other side more but that'll come w time... i watched the minecraft movie today and boy. it was... something alright..................... kinda almost asked someone out today but chickened out. m kept goading me on and giving me delusions but i resisted her dw. 😌👍 i did take initiative in another way though upon returning home (see: following people on instagram- now that i've written it out it seems so small and inconsequential lol). yay. trying to pull myself together ugh why does growth hurt sm... since driving in seattle on saturday and feeling how exhilarating it is to do something you're terrified to do i'm trying to do more things that scare the crap out of me... might go to a random concert friday night? by myself? ugh idk