Beware The Jabberwock, My Son! The Eeb That Deebs, The Blorb That Plinks!

Hey Everyone! I’m so excited! Smut For Smarties has been nominated for an @LAWEEKLY BEST OF THE WEB AWARD for Best Sex Blog!!! Even better news … I’ve been nominated alongside @SexNerdSandra!!! Give us BOTH a vote won’t you?

http://polls.laweekly.com/polls/law/webawardsfinalists2013/(via LA Weekly Poll)

Trying to take back myself

Well, I haven't been looking on Tumblr for months now much less posted anything. A short while after my last post (back in October 2010) I was unexpectedly released by my Master. It was a complete blindside for me. When I had talked to him on Friday things were fine. Monday morning he released me.

I do understand his reasons and they had nothing to do with *me* but with his immediate family situation. Yes, I did know what had been going on with it but he didn't give me any idea that he was going to so abruptly make this decision. So no real warning at all for it for me. And it was while I was at work. By YahooIM. 

It's been THIS long (now the beginning of March 2011) for me to really realize just how badly hurt I was and the extent of the affect it has had on me. And the affect it is having on my other relationships. 

It completely shattered my self confidence and ability to trust or be secure in a relationship. I've been a neurotic mess for months. I'm lucky enough to have a wonderful husband who has been trying to help me as well as a Dom I was allowed to still play with by my ex-Master who was also a good friend, and has become one of my best friends by this time. They both didn't let me curl up in my bed and completely draw away from everything to do with the lifestyle. I love them both beyond words for everything they've done for me and all their patience with me through the past months.

Now, I'm *finally* in a place with myself that I am starting what is I'm sure will be a long road to rebuild myself and my confidence in myself so that I can be happy again and a less neurotic train wreck. (hey, I'm not perfect! I'm sure I'll still have my bad days.) It's a daunting thing to consider how much work I think I'll be needing to do to get my confidence back, but it will be worth it. For me and for them. We will all be happier. I have absolutely no doubt about that. 

So, as part of remaking myself I am going to be taking my Tumblr back for myself as well. I had set it up for myself and it turned into something I did for the ex. I'm sure I'll end up posting things having to do with what I want done to me by my friend who is also now my Dominant as well. 

I've gone back and forth over removing my past posts having directly to do with the ex. But (at least for now) have decided not to. They were part of my life at that time so while I might not want to think about it right now, they are a good reminder of the things I am capable of. At least, what I'm capable of when I'm a whole person and not the badly damaged mess I still am right now.

I will get back to the person I was then and be the better for it as well since I am now going to have a better understanding of myself through having to identify and rebuild the damaged parts of myself. I will have a better foundation for my sense of self and confidence. 

So while this sucks sweaty dirty donkey balls right now and I'm sure will for some time, I want myself back. I used to generally *like* myself. I don't right now. I don't like the person I've become. So I will fix it. The process will probably be quite unpleasant at times, but I want to like myself again and be happy with who I am. 

And I will.

Hannibal by Daniel Danger 18x36″ screen print. for Mondo & NBC Universal 2015

5000 likes!

Supersoldier Physiology

It's common in fanfictions, including mine, to show Steve or Bucky as needing to eat a lot of food, but I've often wondered about this. It makes sense, since he's got a lot of muscle mass (Sam: "You're heavier than you look!") and we've seen in First Avenger that he's got a metabolic rate about 4x that of a normal human.

However, unlike other heroes (DC's Flash and, heck, even Tony Stark), we almost never see either Bucky or Steve eating. This could just be a directorial/writing decision since the stories are usually jam-packed and a lot ends up on the cutting room floor. Maybe TPTB simply figure it's implied and when the supersoldiers eat, they eat hefty meals (Steve in TWS: "I had a big breakfast.")

Or maybe the serum also makes them more metabolically efficient. Who knows? :)

But here is an interesting journal article on the topic:

Superhero physiology: the case for Captain America

Captain America is rarely seen ingesting food. This is significant since energy substrate utilization depends on caloric consumption. This is also directly relevant to statements made in the movies that Captain America has a resting metabolic rate four times above the normal human, making him resistant to the effects of alcohol (shown in Captain America: The First Avenger). The normal resting rate of oxygen consumption is 3.5 ml·kg−1·min−1 (15). Four times this value places Captain America’s resting metabolic rate at 14 ml·kg−1·min−1. With a body mass of 109 kg and an estimated body fat percentage of 10%, this means that his resting caloric expenditure is 7.63 kcal/min, contrasted to a normal human of the same body mass who expends roughly 1.9 kcal/min at rest. Hence, the elevated resting metabolic rate tremendously increases Cap’s caloric demand to maintain body weight. However, that Captain America is not shown constantly eating to meet this elevated resting caloric demand indicates that he does not need to ingest four times the amount of calories as would a normal 109-kg adult male with a greatly exaggerated resting metabolic rate.

The scientific explanation for this lies with metabolic efficiency. The normal adult male or female is very inefficient, as roughly 75–80% of the energy liberated in the body during metabolic processes is lost as heat (31). Thus, roughly 20–25% of ingested calories are utilized for energy production. A case could be made that Captain America’s dietary demands are not different due to an improved metabolic efficiency. This is supported by the fact that constant eating is not a part of his character as displayed in the movies. Nor do we see him sweating to dissipate the heat load associated with normal physiological inefficiency. We propose three main adaptations to explain this: 1) a major improvement in digestive efficiency mediated through both greatly increased absorptive capacity and reduced dietary-induced thermogenesis (this aspect will not be discussed further in this paper), 2) a greatly reduced metabolic energy expenditure in processes such as the Na+/K+ pump (discussed briefly below), and 3) tremendously enhanced cellular substrate utilization (discussed in greater detail since many physiological changes occur in response to chronic exercise training to allow for this effect).

collarme:

(via dirtypicturesturnmeon)

damn ok lake superior

Now *that's* how you add insult to injury! 

(but I'm glad she wasn't really hurt)