Just Did My First Cut Of Uni. Now I'm Gonna Play Farm Frenzy Whilst Trying To Not Burst Back Into Tears.

He was sitting next to her again. I want to destroy her, but at the same time I want to become besties with her to manipulate her to make him hate her, but also get information abt him from her.

They're probs dating, I want to tear my own skin off.

I am one unnecessary and out of nowhere comment about my eating away from completely blowing off at my parents.

atp im convinced im made to be isolated from others. when i dont have particularly friends i have no problem going to classes and going thru my days without much distress. i have no problems socialising during group tasks and i make small talk but thats all. but if i get talking to a person in particular, outside of classwork, thru messages it quickly becomes too much and it causes me distress.

Need to keep myself in check cause I feel so close to asking my mom if she could live on if I died.

I wanna thrift w someone <333

What the fuck is wrong with my brain. I met the ppl in my uni course yesterday, one girl caught my eye, we spoke once.....and now my brain is cutting to lowkey romantic fantasies about her.

I really wanna get on medicine. Wanna get a diagnosis incase I have something. But I don't have the balls or strength to actually go.

Mostly I don't wanna go cause it's embarrassing if there is nothing wrong with me. Wasting their time and seeming self diagnosing and dramatic. I am not having a breakdown almost everyday anymore, so it feels like I'm too mentally well and stable to go. But thats also what I thought when I did have breakdowns very often.

But perhaps my hesitance to go just shows that things ain't that bad at all. Just gotta make sure I don't get bored for even a second or I'll get suicidal.

Crazy how I have kinda figured out how to keep myself feeling content. Like what to do and how to do it. But most of the time, I just can't bring myself to do those things even though I know I'd feel a lot better if I did.

If only I had an obsession who I could actually interact with. Who I could actually talk with, get to know them better, become deeply obsessed with them.

I want my mom to hold me and then tuck me to bed. Put me to sleep so sweet and deep, I'll never wake.