I Know They Are Judging Me Every Time I Come Back Empty Handed..

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Mr candy corn

sorry arti hunter shippers I think they would hate each other

Can we join the sailors in fucking that thing?

One of these days I'm going to add a town in a game somewhere that's all foggy and isolated and people are way too into sea life and there's lots of aquatic themed decorations and someone coyly talks about how there's a shadow over the town, and you can just immediately ask the weird deformed bartender if people are fucking crabs there.

No poking around in basements or spending finding weird little cairns and fish themed altars, just ask them outright if it's a crab fucking situation and stop beating around the bush.

Soo my dad (who’s a fan of the original Silence of the Lambs.). And I are gonna watch Hannibal for the first time. And I’m already stuck in the Fannibal rabbit hole!

TBF, I am a cynical adult, and my dad was in the army. We both love Muppets.

Given that building a puppet theater increases stress relief by 10 for everyone it’s like…. 

A bunch of cynical battle weary grown-ass adults…. that all fucking love puppet shows….

The heir finds it extremely baffling. 

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brits, are you okay?

Yeah, Five Pebbles may be a little rude, but I think he’s trying his best. I’m sick of him being called the “apostate superstructure abomination”!

I fucking hate seattle man. the liberals have built a living superstructure that towers over the city and covers the sky in rain and fog. I'm fuckin moving to the countryside

Immediately after this, (and once Quincey was out of earshot), there was the expected huffing and puffing and I Am the Master of This Castle and These Mountains et cetera, et cetera.

Jonathan tried to ride it out in nodding noncommittal silence.

Mina, devoid of even a fraction of a fuck to give, agreed yes, of course he was. But out of curiosity, when was the last time he attended to anything to do with his title or its duties in the last, say, twenty years? She seems to recall someone of more maturity stepping in to manage every iota of the work while the Master of the Castle was busy with the terribly trying labor of, let her check her notes, strutting around being impressed with himself. Is it not so?

Dracula, doubly pissed, ready to erupt and go full Monster Mode, slipped into a fuming villain monologue--

And his voice cracked.

Jonathan was stone-faced, but white-knuckling his armrest. Mina's psychic laughter could shake the Carpathians. Quincey popped his head in to ask what's the matter, did something happen? Notably, with a pubescent pitch not that many octaves removed from the Count's.

That night was full of thunder and the next family dinner saw the Count grousing that he had no appetite tonight. Or the next. Not until he was iron grey, for some reason.

Jonathan, meanwhile, found his shaving kit mysteriously returned. Plus enough shaving lather to last a decade.

Consider this a cap to this bit of nonsense. Scruffy Winter Mode Jonathan has to get back to his clean-shaven self somehow.

Final apologies to @ibrithir-was-here, thank you for putting up with the shenanigans

(Note: If you haven't jumped on the Blood of My Blood AU, you're missing out. One of the tastiest Dracula Bad Ending stories-in-progress I've ever come across.)

The Tower is also my wife

This reminds me of when RTGAME role played Walter White in his Stardew play through.

What is Death if not a farmer