It Is Really Normal For Us Now. It Is Just Life.

Give yourself flowers. Take yourself out for lunch. Enjoy your own company. A date is a date, regardless of who it’s with.

The four pillars of a Female led Relationship

I call them my four Ds.

Domesticate Deny Discipline Dominate

Domesticate Establishing a successful 24/7 female led relationship is a lot of hard work on both parties and on many levels. First of all you both have to agree that this lifestyle is what you want and worth the effort. Once you head down the FLR-road, there might be no turning back. Chances are that you yourself will appreciate the lifestyle more and more as you move along. Your husband/partner on the other hand may begin to dislike it once he realizes his entire life is changing and that it isn’t just a hot fantasy he can wank off to any more. In a female led relationship the hubby needs to be doing the majority of the housework and accepting this is a major challenge for most men.

The process of getting your hubby to accept his new role and take on the household chores is what I refer to as “Domestication”. It is important for the power exchange in the relationship. The domestication of your man is important for you to be able to feel “in charge” and for him to feel submissive. It’s what makes the dynamic in a female led relationship work.

Deny In order to get the attention you need from your husband/partner as you domesticate him, you deny him what he loves most of all, his climax. I use a chastity device for this purpose but it doesn’t have to be a device as long as your hubby is 100% committed and understands the importance of you owning his orgasms. In the beginning you use his orgasms as rewards. You train him with orgasms the same way a dolphin-trainer will slip a fish to a dolphin for doing it’s jump. For example; after doing the appointed household chores to your liking, you tell him he has been a really good boy and as a reward he will be allowed to fuck you. You get the idea. Women have been using sex as rewards for thousands of years. The difference here is that he will know that it is a reward and that you’ll be doing it continuously with him wanting it to be this way.

As your FLR evolves you’ll want to make it harder and harder for him to get his rewards until you find a cyclus that suits your relationship. In time, if you succeed, this will become easier and you won’t have to reward him this way with the same frequency. He’ll learn to appreciate that the true reward is the lifestyle itself.

PS! Taking away his orgasms doesn’t mean that you have to limit your own. Feel free to have sex, masturbate or use your husband in any way you want as often as you like as long as you don’t allow him to climax. From my experience, involving my husband in my pleasure just enhances the effect of the denial. When you’ve had your pleasure and you’re completely satisfied, make sure you talk to him about why he can’t cum and which chores he has to finish to get his reward. When he’s extremely horny, be positive and talk about how you appreciate his efforts with the chores. This makes the conditioning of his mind go a lot faster.

Discipline The same way you use orgasms as rewards you should also use discipline and punish him when his performance isn’t good enough. You can punish him in a lot of different ways. From simply prolonging the period without orgasm to a harsh bare bottom caning. I am not a sadist and I don’t take any pleasure from disciplining my husband. I do it because I know he needs it. It’s his wish not mine. My husband tells me he needs discipline from time to time in order re-enforce the power exchange between us. The punishments I administer also helps him correct his behaviour and the fear of them helps him to intensify his efforts to please me.

In a lot of the articles, stories, and blog entries you read from Dominatrixes online, you get the impression that bad boys need discipline and spanking is the only way to do that. I don’t agree. I use a variety of methods other than spanking. Very few of them involves hitting.

For instance, the one he hates the most is when I simply ignore him. Absolutely no violence is involved. My husband hates being ignored and it never takes long for him to figure out why he’s being ignored and to correct his behaviour. It’s very effective. I also quite often use what I call “suffer in silence”. I use it because it’s very effective, extremely easy for me to administer, it doesn’t make any sound (we have kids), and it lasts more than 30 minutes which actually gives him a lot of time to think about why he’s being punished. It’s kind of like a harsh spanking and corner time combined. When I administer “suffer in silence” I order him to go to our bedroom and “undress and cuff up”. I follow him upstairs and lock him spreadeagle on his back on our bed before removing his chastitycage. While doing so I make sure he knows why he is being disciplined. This is important. Then I finish up by rubbing a generous ammount of BenGay onto his cock and balls. If I’m especially angry or disappointed in him I slip some into his anus as well. Then I leave the room, close the door behind me and go downstairs for some quiet time with the newspaper or the kids. The effect lasts 30-40 minutes after which I release him and we cuddle up for some aftercare while he tells me what he has learned and how he is going to improve himself and his efforts.

When it comes to discipline, use your imagination and discuss the alternatives with your spouse. He needs to know what might happen and fear it. Keep in mind that it doesn’t have to be spanking.

Dominate Through Domestication, Denial and Discipline you will be the head of your household.

Give it time. My husband and I started on this wonderful journey over 15 years ago and our relationship is still evolving. It’s very often one step forward and two steps back but as long as you’re both committed to the task the results will come.

In a successful modern 24/7 female led relationship you’ll find very few spiked corsets, whips and thigh high boots. Usually there is just a strong, confident woman with an urge to be in charge and a confident husband longing to be submissive, both sharing the courage to challenge the old fashioned patriarchal society. They live this way because female led relationships simply works better.

“An obedient husband is a happy husband!”

Domesticate, Deny, Discipline and Dominate.

DF

show me, love! xoxox, emmie @ le cocu quotidien.

Again I would like to thank everyone for their wonderful comments and it amazes me that you enjoy this old lady's kinky thoughts. I truly love thinking up new ideas and trying them out. If it inspires others and helps them to make their own female-led relationships more exciting, even better.

Many of you expressed your wish for me to post our rules and now that I have, I feel the need to explain a few things.

Most dommes don't like having too many rules as they like to keep it simple but I'm a little different and have an extensive set of rules. Why do I create so many rules?

Femdom is my hobby, my passion and I like to think and fantasize about it often. By reading and spending so much time thinking about the subject, I have learned what my preferences are about a lot of things.

A wife-led marriage means that I get what I want, so my preferences are of the highest importance. Turning them into rules ensures that I consistantly get what I want from our relationship.

By learning his rules, he is memorizing my preferences. Consider it an encyclopedic knowledge of my wants, needs, and desires.

When we decided that our female led relationship should be 24/7 and permanent, certain rules were instituted to ensure my absolute control. All of these rules have been thoroughly discussed and agreed to before implementation, taking into consideration both of our wants, needs, and fetishes. By signing off on each one, he promised me to obey them at all times. By signing off on them myself, I have promised to strictly enforce them and punish consistantly if they are broken.

Over time, some things have been added, while others have been dropped, based on our needs and learning what is practical. It is a dynamic list, subject to change without notice, and completely on my whim. Some rules and rituals may be put away for a while, and brought back at a later date just to keep things fresh.

We take these rules very seriously, otherwise the relationship would seem fake and hollow to us. We both want my control to be real and absolute. Some rules control him physically, while others control him mentally.

These rules dictate my behaviour also, as it is my duty to ensure a proper level of strictness in my handling of him and to maintain the level of inequality our relationship requires. This all sounds so cold and clinical, but I assure you, lots of love and affection are given at all times, and I never punish while angry.

Some are 'zero tolerance' rules. These require the harshest punishments and are the most strictly enforced, and I expect them to never be broken, even once. In the beginning, he 'accidentally' broke a few. I think he was testing to see if I would consistantly follow through and be as strict as I promised. I was, and his backside paid the price.

He learned to respect how highly effective my cane is in correcting his behaviour and knows that I have no problem using it. In fact I enjoy it immensely, as I have written elsewhere.

While at the time it was a rather nasty lesson for him, he loves reliving the experience over and over in his mind since it gives him a deeper feeling of submission knowing it can happen again at any time. He is such a good boy, and avoids breaking the zero tolerance rules now. The weekly maintenance spankings with the paddle handles the little things.

He loves feeling submissive to me, and through trial and error, I have determined that subjecting him to moderate humiliation on a regular basis (in a very loving way) has a positive effect in making him feel more obedient and submissive. Some of our rules are specifically for this purpose, like making him drink from baby bottles, licking my shoes instead of kissing me, or eating from a dog dish on the floor.

They are only enforced at home though, as I would never humiliate him in front of others. Nobody else knows that our marriage is wife-led, and we intend to keep it that way, an intimate secret that we share between us.

#FLR #chasteLife

The safety of chastity will be your crutch

A church i could get in front of, on my knees.

ooo watching it melt away

Actually, it's been over 3 years since I was last allowed to be inside a pussy, for obvious reasons.