That Or Chastity

How to fully control Your sub in 9 steps

1:  You  need to get into his head.

-Learn his fantasies and what turns him on.  Use this information against him and to Your advantage.

-Find out what humiliates him, and to what level.

-Make him show his loyalty to You regularly.  Reward him, even if it’s just with positive attention when he does.

- Aside from family, close friends and work, give him 0% privacy.  Don’t hide this process from him, make him partake in handing it over to you in ways that demonstrate how he is “losing the privacy.”  

-Make him need You for everything.  Point out how You help him, how You guide him, and how You accept the negative things about him that others may not.

- Hypnosis, especially while they are sleeping can help transfer messages, ideas and ideals about You deep into their faggot head.

2:  Punish him often for everything, no exceptions!

- Don’t let him get away with anything!  When You let your sub get away with something. You are telling him that You don’t care for him and that what he did was ok.

- You can Spank, paddle, or whip him.

- Humiliate him past what is easy for him.

- Long term bondage

- Corner time

- Food restrictions

- Writing standards/lines\

- Write a book report or essay.

- Ground him/take away privileges.

- Wash his mouth out with soap.

- Make him do anything he hates.

- Get creative and make the punishment match the crime.

- Never use separation or the threat of leaving/ending Your control over him as a punishment.  That is counterproductive to the end goal (trust and service) and is detrimental to the faggot.

3:  Routinely discipline him.  This is different than punishment.

- Spank him once a week, just because You can, not too hard, not too soft.

-Humiliate him often.

- 5-10 minuets of corner time a day can do wonders for him, like a sub’s meditation.

- If he is stressed, give him a break and put him in some comfy bondage for a while.  You may or may not want to integrate impact play with this.  For lots of subs, some pain can really help elevate their mode for the rest of the day or longer.

- Routine discipline will save You time and energy in the long run.  You will have to punish him less as a result.

- Taking care of You can be part of his discipline.  Have him do Your laundry, cleaning, etc.

4:  On some level, even if it’s small, keep Your sub horny for You.

- Talk sexy to him.

-Sexualize non sexual things/activities You are interested in. He will see whatever it is You’ve sexualized as such and be more interested/eager to engage.

- Have Your sub do some or all of Your body grooming. This can be Your baths, Your nails, shaving, trimming, waxing, etc.

- Scare him by telling him when and what You’re going to do to him in the near future.

- Send him text messages with orders to do something sexual.

- Make him give You orgasms.  This is different from sex.  This is a service.

- Let him rest on You to smell You as You watch TV or read.

- Give him underwear/items of Yours to smell as he sleeps.

- Hypnosis, especially while Your sub sleeps can help with this too.

5:  Control Your own feelings of guilt.

-      Your sub needs You to be strong “with” him.  You may show vulnerabilities in Yourself for other aspects of Your life. When it comes to him and Your control over him, be firm!

-      Some meanness and cruelty will be needed from time to time to help break Your sub down.

-      Your sub may not want everything You give him/ do to him, but he needs it.

-      Letting Your sub get away with insubordinate behavior because You feel guilty adequately and severely addressing it is weak.  You need to control that shit.

-      Sub faggots need a real man who is close to them to guide them.  Sometimes real men need to show the fag that they are inferior.  This can’t always be done by talking.  And if it is done my talking, the talking can’t be politically correct/kind.

-      Humiliation/breaking him down, teaching him to serve long term, these are all things he needs.  You are filling his needs.

-      Remember, You both need to be happy.  But happiness comes from different places for different people.  If there is communication, and Your sub has communicated that he needs this life to be happy, then You are doing him a service and loving him by breaking him down and controlling him.

-      A good sub is hard to find. Don’t let the guilt of giving him what he needs stop You from doing so. What he needs may be overwhelming for him and he may break. If he does be there for him.

6: Humiliate/degrade/break him down on some level daily, some days more than others.

- Have him wear a small butt-plug for a time, wifi enabled if possible.

- Have him be naked or close to it, around You and or Your friends.

- Make him wear a collar or other symbol of inferiority.

- Make him wear a chastity device sometimes.

- Teach them “tricks” like sit, drop to their knees to kiss Your crotch, etc.  In public or with friends randomly call out a trick every now then. Make sure Your sub does this flawlessly without hesitation.

- Make him masturbate for You.

- Slap him in the face.

- Spit on him.

- Treat him as an inferior in public.  (Ex: he carries all bags, opens doors, eats Your leftovers, holds Your drinks, tie Your shoes  etc.)

- Make him eat his own cum sometimes.

- Talk down to him in front of others

7: Rearrange his life/time to better serve/please You.  Make sure this does not interfere with his time with loved ones or work.

- If You want to change his body to Your liking, do so.  Control his workouts, diet etc.  Make sure and be realistic with this one.

- Make sure he is available during some of Your leisure time each week so he will be able to serve You during those times.

- Put him on a sleeping schedule.  Lots of fags are not able to adequately manage their sleep times.  The better rested he is, the better he will serve You.

- Go through his closet/things and throw away/put away any clothing You don’t like him to be wearing.

- Sign him up to learn new tasks or prefect tasks/skills that will help You.  (Ex: massage classes, cooking classes, pet care, etc.)

- Change their grooming habits to Your liking.

8: Help Your sub be grateful for everything he has.  Make sure You are at the top of that list.  One great way to do this is to deny him things.  Yep, it’s time to say “No.”  Subs need boundaries, and saying “No” is a great way to help them with those boundaries.

- You can take away certain foods, comforts, leisure time, sex, masturbation, etc.

- Make him show his gratitude to You often.  Faggots will show this to You in their own way. Most faggots will need some help/instruction on exactly how to show their gratitude to You.

- Make him explain why he deserves something. If he can’t explain why well enough. Then take it from him.

- You can take things/items from him that You know he does not need, but likes.  (Make sure he can afford for You to take them and that they are not of an additional value such as sentimental etc.)  Let him know from time to time that You enjoy something that You took from him.

- Offer him a reward of getting to have something back. Make what you give him back relevant to what You make him do. This could be sort or long term.  

9:  None of these actions will work without real trust.

- If Your sub is Your partner, let him know how much his sub-ass completes You and Your power.

-  If Your sub is not Your partner, make sure You two are real friends. That You appreciate how his inferiority completes you.  The more You two know about and do with each other. The more thoroughly You can control him.

-Part of trust on the subs part is trusting that You will follow through when You say You are going to do something to him or are going to make him do something.  Follow through always.

-  When a sub fully trusts You. He can submit to You his mind and privacy. Letting You go in and re-arrange/manage his life.

- Subs need constant reassurance.  Let him know that no matter what, he is Yours.  If a serious sub feels disposable. He will look for another Dom who appreciates his surrender.

- If Your life is getting too hard for a bit or You need help with something. Trust that Your sub will be able to take over for You and act in your best interest until You are back in shape.  Giving  sub this responsibility will either make him feel trusted and good, or upset that You are not actively controlling him 100% of the time.  If he gets upset and does not step up and take over for You. Then drop him like a hot potato.

-Talk to Your sub often.  Ask him how he is feeling, and let him honestly know how You are feeling on anything and everything.

- By taking things away from him, You are in a sense rewarding him when You give them back.  Also, nothing he has is his forever.  You need to re-take things and privileges away from him periodically so he knows they are a privilege and not a right.  Think of it like taking a food bowl away from a dog.  Your sub needs be docile enough that You can take his food bowl away from him as he is eating. He will not make a fuss and patiently wait until the food is returned

-Please note: Do not ever deny him from being with Friends or family.  Make him realize that the only reason You allow him to have constant contact/interaction with good friends and family is because he “helps” them by being a good friend or family member.  Make sure the he understands that the happiness that comes from being with them is “second” to the happiness that he brings them.  Basically, he needs to understand that if he pulls away from loved ones. While he is under Your control his loved ones will suffer. That is why he is allowed (and encouraged) to keep and/or strengthen the bonds he has with them.

Please note: The following is a list of things to control a sub only. Please do not implement these ideas if You do not care about and are not committed to Your sub.  This list is not all inclusive of how to treat Your sub.  This list leaves out the important kind necessities that Your sub needs such as reassurance, love, respect, being protected, allowed to be protective of You etc.  These ideas are for a long term 24/7 arrangements, not a scene.  Not everything will apply in every case, and there may be things on the list that will work for You.

The four pillars of a Female led Relationship

I call them my four Ds.

Domesticate Deny Discipline Dominate

Domesticate Establishing a successful 24/7 female led relationship is a lot of hard work on both parties and on many levels. First of all you both have to agree that this lifestyle is what you want and worth the effort. Once you head down the FLR-road, there might be no turning back. Chances are that you yourself will appreciate the lifestyle more and more as you move along. Your husband/partner on the other hand may begin to dislike it once he realizes his entire life is changing and that it isn’t just a hot fantasy he can wank off to any more. In a female led relationship the hubby needs to be doing the majority of the housework and accepting this is a major challenge for most men.

The process of getting your hubby to accept his new role and take on the household chores is what I refer to as “Domestication”. It is important for the power exchange in the relationship. The domestication of your man is important for you to be able to feel “in charge” and for him to feel submissive. It’s what makes the dynamic in a female led relationship work.

Deny In order to get the attention you need from your husband/partner as you domesticate him, you deny him what he loves most of all, his climax. I use a chastity device for this purpose but it doesn’t have to be a device as long as your hubby is 100% committed and understands the importance of you owning his orgasms. In the beginning you use his orgasms as rewards. You train him with orgasms the same way a dolphin-trainer will slip a fish to a dolphin for doing it’s jump. For example; after doing the appointed household chores to your liking, you tell him he has been a really good boy and as a reward he will be allowed to fuck you. You get the idea. Women have been using sex as rewards for thousands of years. The difference here is that he will know that it is a reward and that you’ll be doing it continuously with him wanting it to be this way.

As your FLR evolves you’ll want to make it harder and harder for him to get his rewards until you find a cyclus that suits your relationship. In time, if you succeed, this will become easier and you won’t have to reward him this way with the same frequency. He’ll learn to appreciate that the true reward is the lifestyle itself.

PS! Taking away his orgasms doesn’t mean that you have to limit your own. Feel free to have sex, masturbate or use your husband in any way you want as often as you like as long as you don’t allow him to climax. From my experience, involving my husband in my pleasure just enhances the effect of the denial. When you’ve had your pleasure and you’re completely satisfied, make sure you talk to him about why he can’t cum and which chores he has to finish to get his reward. When he’s extremely horny, be positive and talk about how you appreciate his efforts with the chores. This makes the conditioning of his mind go a lot faster.

Discipline The same way you use orgasms as rewards you should also use discipline and punish him when his performance isn’t good enough. You can punish him in a lot of different ways. From simply prolonging the period without orgasm to a harsh bare bottom caning. I am not a sadist and I don’t take any pleasure from disciplining my husband. I do it because I know he needs it. It’s his wish not mine. My husband tells me he needs discipline from time to time in order re-enforce the power exchange between us. The punishments I administer also helps him correct his behaviour and the fear of them helps him to intensify his efforts to please me.

In a lot of the articles, stories, and blog entries you read from Dominatrixes online, you get the impression that bad boys need discipline and spanking is the only way to do that. I don’t agree. I use a variety of methods other than spanking. Very few of them involves hitting.

For instance, the one he hates the most is when I simply ignore him. Absolutely no violence is involved. My husband hates being ignored and it never takes long for him to figure out why he’s being ignored and to correct his behaviour. It’s very effective. I also quite often use what I call “suffer in silence”. I use it because it’s very effective, extremely easy for me to administer, it doesn’t make any sound (we have kids), and it lasts more than 30 minutes which actually gives him a lot of time to think about why he’s being punished. It’s kind of like a harsh spanking and corner time combined. When I administer “suffer in silence” I order him to go to our bedroom and “undress and cuff up”. I follow him upstairs and lock him spreadeagle on his back on our bed before removing his chastitycage. While doing so I make sure he knows why he is being disciplined. This is important. Then I finish up by rubbing a generous ammount of BenGay onto his cock and balls. If I’m especially angry or disappointed in him I slip some into his anus as well. Then I leave the room, close the door behind me and go downstairs for some quiet time with the newspaper or the kids. The effect lasts 30-40 minutes after which I release him and we cuddle up for some aftercare while he tells me what he has learned and how he is going to improve himself and his efforts.

When it comes to discipline, use your imagination and discuss the alternatives with your spouse. He needs to know what might happen and fear it. Keep in mind that it doesn’t have to be spanking.

Dominate Through Domestication, Denial and Discipline you will be the head of your household.

Give it time. My husband and I started on this wonderful journey over 15 years ago and our relationship is still evolving. It’s very often one step forward and two steps back but as long as you’re both committed to the task the results will come.

In a successful modern 24/7 female led relationship you’ll find very few spiked corsets, whips and thigh high boots. Usually there is just a strong, confident woman with an urge to be in charge and a confident husband longing to be submissive, both sharing the courage to challenge the old fashioned patriarchal society. They live this way because female led relationships simply works better.

“An obedient husband is a happy husband!”

Domesticate, Deny, Discipline and Dominate.

DF

oh my yes please. Knowing ones place is important.

#FLR

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This up there. Go through it and take what you both like and make it Yours.

What is Female Led Relationship?

A Female Led Relationship has many terms associated with it like FLR, Femdom, Female Domination, Mistress slave, D/s dynamic and sometimes even BDSM.

An FLR (Female Led Relationship) is a consensual agreement between a man and woman that the woman in the relationship will lead and the man will play a supportive role. She can make the final decisions in the aspects she wishes to take control of. Her comfort, fulfillment and satisfaction are given priority in the relationship.

The above definition captures various themes in a female led relationship and thus, each word and phrase should be paid attention to.

Characteristics of a Female Led Relationship –

It is a consensual relationship.

Some people think that the woman has all the power and thus, the man is helpless. This is not the case. The FLR ends when either one withdraws their consent. The woman cannot dominate if the man does not submit, the man cannot serve if the woman does not dominate.

She will make final decisions in the aspects she wishes to take control of.

This is very important to understand. As a woman, if you are getting into a Female Led Relationship, you do not need to take control of all the aspects. Nothing could be further from the truth. It might be the case that your man is kinky and he has asked you to control certain things that are overwhelming, but you do not need to comply with all of that immediately. He might have expressed that you can control each and every thing about his life, but you need to go at your pace and you need to decide the aspects you want to control. You should only take charge of the aspects you’re comfortable taking charge of. For example, many women find it easy to begin with taking control of their sex lives. Having sex only when you want to have sex is an easy thing to do. It is made easier by the fact that men tend to comply more easily with sexual commands as compared to other commands. Another example is taking charge of household aspects. For example, she might delegate dusting and cleaning, as they are not difficult skills to learn for someone who has not performed these actions in the past and are easy to delegate. However, the point is that you should only take control of the things that you want to take control of. Do not feel pressured for any extra responsibilities.

Her comfort, fulfillment and satisfaction are given priority in the relationship.

In an FLR, the woman is the one who is in focus. Her comfort is of utmost importance. The man must strive to make her feel at ease. Since he is in a submissive and supportive role, he willingly makes efforts to make sure that the woman is feeling fulfilled. Her satisfaction is not limited to physical satisfaction but her emotional and mental satisfaction as well are equally important. For example, the man constantly reminding her that he loves her dominance, or, he loves the way she takes charge, etc. will boost her confidence and make her feel better in her role.

The man will play a supportive role.

The man in a Female Led Relationship refers to himself as the submissive, slave, servant, pet, etc. Do not get overwhelmed by these terms. For a vanilla person, these terms being used for a human might sound a little too strong. But for now, just ignore the nomenclature and understand the role. The man derives satisfaction in serving his woman. He has accepted the fact that the woman is in the lead. He will need to abide by her decisions. It does not mean that he has no say. It just means that his input would be considered while deciding but the final decision might be different from his expectations. The final decision-making would only be in terms of the aspects she had decided to take control of. Other decisions can be taken mutually or she can delegate the responsibility to her man. For example, she might decide to just have oral sex even if her man wants PIV (Penis in Vagina Sex), or, she might decide to go to a European restaurant even if her man wanted to eat Mexican, or she might decide the final itinerary of the vacation after using the research her man has done for her. In all the cases, the man accepts her final authority and plays a supportive role.

Why Female Led Relationship?

A Female Led Relationship is usually introduced by a man to his woman. An FLR can be very fulfilling for both parties in the relationship. Women are probably more emotional creatures than men. A female led relationship allows her to get more emotional fulfilment. She feels more heard in the relationship. She feels more cared for.

Since the man is in a submissive role, he prioritizes his woman and takes care of her in every situation. The man might call himself a slave, but rather he’s a gentleman. The slave term is used just because of the fact that a gentleman can disobey his woman but a slave never will.

When a man sees that he is able to keep his woman happy and satisfied, it boosts his masculine ego and makes him more confident as a partner.

An FLR can be very fulfilling emotionally. Moreover, FLR has a lot of kinks to play with such as tease and denial, domestic discipline, chastity, etc, which adds to the fun and increases physical satisfaction as well.

Thus, an FLR can lead to improved intimacy, reduced conflicts, and increased satisfaction.

Misconceptions in a Female Led Relationship?

Below are some of the misconceptions in a Female Led Relationship.

She has to make the decision regarding everything.

She has to micro-manage everything.

He is caged, denied and spanked all the time.

The man is beta and worthless, and has no self-respect.

The woman should have multiple partners.

The woman is strict and a bitch 24/7.

The woman has to dress in sexy clothes and shout orders.

None of this (and any related scenarios that you can think of) has to be true. A female led relationship is all about her happiness and satisfaction. Thus, whatever she feels fit would be implemented with the man’s consent.

How to start and FLR?

Short answer – Start slow.

Discuss the interests and boundaries with each other. Write a list of fantasies for your partner. Get to know more about their expectations.

Grow slowly. Ask for feedback. Most importantly, communicate! I cannot stress enough.

COMMUNICATE!

You cannot grow if you do not talk. Do not assume expectations or reactions in your head. If you both had a spanking session, do not assume that you both will be fine after some time. The woman can experience “Dom Drop” or the man can experience “Sub Drop”.

Or, the man might be more willing to jump into the kinks while the woman might still be adjusting to the dynamic. The man can feel disappointed in this case due to the slow pace. He should communicate his expectations and the woman should communicate her hesitations in this case.

Just talk about everything.

Moreover, when getting started, the man should not push the woman to dominate more. He should let her grow at her pace. He should always be supportive and should not try to manipulate her into dominating more or incorporating certain kinks and fetishes.

The woman can start with mini tasks such as “get me a glass of water” or “pick me up at 7” or “take out my heels” and then slowly extend to “Do the dishes” or “Clean the washroom” or “You aren’t going out with the boys, you’re staying home with me”. It is all about getting into the comfort zone.

Conclusion?

Remember, a Female Led Relationship is about empowering the woman. She should be comfortable in being herself. The man should not try to change her but he should embrace her for who she is.

An FLR focuses on her pleasure but it does not mean that his pleasure holds no importance. It is just that her pleasure is prioritized over his.

If you are just starting out, do not feel overwhelmed by so many hardcore articles online. If you have reached flrindia.com, you have reached the best source on the internet for educating yourself about Female Led Relationships.

#FLR #cuckLife

The easiest form of teasing going.

when He knows what you are and you know what you are there is no better feeling.

Games make everything better locked or not.

She is never asking. She just wants me to begin to think it is my choice.