Yeah So,

he’s just a lovesick idiot who will never admit it 🖥️

We really do live in a society lads

On a less serious note, Vox is an unrepentant simp and when all of Hell finds out Alastor was Eve, he is practically foaming at the mouth.

Vox, ecstatic: To think Alastor was the first woman! The mother of all humanity!

Valentino, teasing: To think Vox has a mommy kink.

Velvette, done with both of them: Says the man writing a B-movie script about Eve right now.

Eve Reincarnation!AU

*He/she/they pronouns for Eve

Eve was bored. Heaven's wonders could only entertain her for so long. And she was sick of the pity and condescension.

For all that Lucifer was damned to the hell he created for his actions, he at least had Lilith with him to bare the burden.

She was not so lucky. Adam would sooner die a second death than take accountability. And the angels regarded her alone with mixed pity and suspicion.

Adam thrived in heaven, but it stifled her like nothing else. Eternal peace was stagnant; she missed Earth and eagerly watched the planet and her descendents antics with curiosity.

It was her who first put forth the idea of reincarnation. But Sera, bewildered by her desire to leave heaven and wary of having her alive after her first fuckup (honestly, eat one fruit and they never let you forget it!), dismissed her.

It was just her luck that Adam, who ran his mouth faster than his brain could keep up, bragged about getting the Seraphim to agree to his yearly hell extermination where her request had been rejected.

And wasn't it just grand that it was supposed to be a secret? Wouldn't it be a shame for that to get out, right, Sera?

Her reincarnation request was approved. She was the first and only soul to be granted this. Per her request, heaven would be barred from viewing or interfering with her new life.

And it was wonderful! They had a new life, a new name, a new gender! And no one to hold them back and say 'remember the apple, Eve?'

Then they died. And back to heaven they went, unknowing of their past life as Eve. Until Sera accousted them before they'd even made it through the gate.

Sera conjured a glowing white apple and offered it to them. Their curiosity had followed them to this next life so they accepted and the Seraphim smiled sardonically and said, 'Welcome back Eve.'

But they. weren't. EVE! Not anymore. Or at least they were not JUST eve.

But being the only soul to reincarnate, the angels just didn't understand that. Nor would Sera care to, she allowed Adam and Eve's requests only if she could ignore the consequences.

The human who once was Eve, decided to reincarnate again. Anything to escape their dreary eternity in heaven.

And then he died. And Sera offered him the apple, said, 'Welcome back Eve' and on and on the cycle continued.

He tried to lead his next few lifetimes into sin, maybe in hell they'd get at least some of the excitement she'd loved from Earth.

She had no clue how she kept getting into heaven. Over the course of several different lives, they'd committed all sorts of sins. And yet it never stuck.

So they struck a deal, and in his next life, she finally got what she'd been craving.

Eternal Entertainment.

Welcome to hell, Alastor.

Zuko attends Izumi's career day at school and everyone in the class is like! The firelord is coming to our school! And the teacher has the class prepare all these questions about governing and politics. And Zuko shows up in an apron and teaches the class how to make tea.

yeah so,

Every writing advice thing ever: Don’t get bogged down in details on your first draft. Just write! ☺️

Me: How I begin this scene hinges on whether cheese sandwiches were served with mayo in the 50’s.

Bleeding Out, Bleeding In - the Start

This is the start of the resulting fic from the winning poll option of 'Crime Boss is a Dangerous Job'. And boy did it go places.

A solid 40 of you wanted to wait for ao3, but the other 59 are feral gremlins who want a part now! Those who want to wait, don't feel pressured to read. This might be up on ao3 this week or if not then next week! (Yes, that doesn't add up to 100, one vote is me so I can see the poll results.)

wc: 1059 Content Warnings: canon typical violence, blood, blood drinking, mentions of death and dying, brief mentions of human tracking, so much cussing.

-

Brainless motherfuckers.

Every single one of them, brainless motherfuckers.

One would think that eight heads in a duffel bag would have been enough.

One would think that people would learn his fucking rules. They were easy rules. Don’t hurt kids. Don’t sell to kids. Don’t hurt sex workers. Don’t traffic people. Don’t fuck with him.

And these motherfuckers had fucked with him. They had fucked with his rules.

Red Hood stared down at the lifeless eyes of the traitorous lieutenant.

Ex-lieutenant.

Brainless motherfucker.

Hood was insulted that someone that incompetent had managed to make him bleed, even if it had been eleven against one. And fuck if he wasn’t bleeding badly. Hood pressed his hand tighter to his wound with a hiss and let himself slump back against the grimy wall of the ally that he had slunk into. His hand became wet with warmth.

He must have already bled through the hasty field bandage that he had slapped on the wound.

Numbers slipped through Red Hood’s foggy mind as he tried to calculate about just how bad of a fact that was— about how heavily he must be bleeding out. Fuck if he wasn’t bleeding out.

Could he make it to his safe house in time? No. Could someone make it to him in time? Maybe, but who could he call? He wasn’t going to turn around and let another lieutenant stab him in the other side. B— maybe it would be better to just bleed out than deal with B and another lecture. As if this hadn’t been in self defense. As if he hadn’t acted to stop kids from being sold. As if a moment of hesitancy about killing a man he’d been working closely with for a year had been what got Hood in this spot.

And Dick was off world.

Dick was always off world when he needed him.

That wasn’t fair. What did Dick owe him? It’s not like they had ever been family. Dick had never wanted him. The last person who had wanted him didn’t even want him enough to stay sober.

Blood loss made him maudlin, apparently.

Dying by explosion had been easier.

“You know, not what I expected to find dumpster diving tonight.”

Hood’s hand dropped to brush over the grip of his gun. It was up and aimed before his head even had time to lull towards the voice. The hand holding the gun was steady even as his vision swam staring down the sight.

“Not that I’m doubting you can use that, Boss, but would rather you didn’t,” the stranger said, hands up in the air. One large duffel sat at their feet. Another smaller duffel was slung over their back. A hoodie at least three sizes too big swamped the slim figure— hiding both their form and face. The steel toed boots looked comically large at the end of stick thin legs.

Hood knew better than to think they weren’t a threat.

Anyone could be a threat in Gotham.

“Really, Boss, I’m just out here dumpster diving for supplies,” they continued, motioning to the warehouse district around them. “Not going to lie and say I won’t happily loot your corpse if you keel over right there, but would rather you stay breathing. I can help with that, if you let me.”

“And if I say no?” Hood asked, his voice a breathless rasp even through the modulation of the helmet.

“If you say no to the help, I’ll just be on my way. There are other dumpsters to go through like the feral raccoon that I am.”

His arm dropped down to hang limply at his side. He didn’t take his finger off the trigger. He shouldn’t trust this stranger. “Look more like a street rat to me.”

“We’ll compromise to possum then,” they said, slowly lowering their arms.

He shouldn’t trust this stranger. Did it mater if he did?

He was bleeding out.

The gun slotted back into its holster.

“There you are Boss, we’ll get you patched back up.”

Hood blinked. They were tucking themselves under his shoulder, leaning him up off the warehouse wall.

Hood blinked. They were disabling security on a heavy, cast iron door set into a concrete floor.

Hood blinked.

“Not going to lie, Boss, you’re in a bad way.” The words were distant— like listening to them through a thick wall. Static ran under the words. Static that burrowed under his skin and into his blood.

Static that burned at a part of him he tried to ignore.

“Think they got something pretty vital with that knife.”

He didn’t want to burn.

“Stitched you up but…”

He didn’t want to die.

“Oh Boss.”

Not again.

“I know, Boss.”

A cold hand brushed over his temple and he couldn’t hold back the whine at the sensation. He strained to arch up into the touch. He wanted it. He wanted to feel. He didn’t want to slip away again. He didn’t want that void of death. He didn’t want to die again.

The voice shushed him. “I know.”

He trembled. The static sang in his veins.

“There’s something I can try, Boss, but it will change thing.”

Things were always changing.

“Not like this. You’re not on the knife’s edge yet. You’re still living. If you die you right now you tip over to the other side.”

He’d done that before.

“I know, Boss. But if we do this, you’re not going to tip over anymore, you’re going to balance on that knife’s edge. Not dead but not alive. It’s a fine line to walk.”

Everything in his life was a tightrope: hero, villain; son, enemy; brother, stranger. What was one more thing? Alive, dead.

He didn’t want to be dead again.

“Okay, Boss, okay.”

The hand pulled a whine from his throat as it moved away. A soft coo hushed him quiet again. The sound rumbled in with the static untill the soothing noise sat inside him.

His head tilted up as something slid under his neck. Hands guided his head to lay back down onto a soft surface.

Something wet dripped against his lips. Spice bloomed across his tongue.

“There you go, Boss,” the voice soothed. The coo rumbled in his chest like a fluttering bird. “Drink up.”

Cold skin and wet warmth pressed against his lips.

Jason drank.

So as a follow-up to my post about Marceline's super tragic and angsty prequel to the Elements Arc hidden in the episode ‘Ketchup’ yesterday, here’s a fun little ‘What-If?’ idea I’ve been thinking about for a while that could branch off from it:

If Marceline really did go all ‘feral, angry vampire girlfriend warpath’ on Patience both for what she did to Bonnie and also to find a way to help Bonnie, what if Marcy went a little… further?

So that when Finn, Jake and BMO later return to what was once the Candy Kingdom in Skyhooks, we see that Marceline, even ‘Marshmaline the Campfire Queen’, is conspicuously absent.

Then later, when Finn, Jake and Ice King are traveling through the new, desolate Ice Kingdom, they start hearing a soulful, sorrowful tune echoing through the otherwise silent wastes. A song sung by a very familiar voice…

And when the trio finally get inside the new Ice Palace, they find not Patience St. Pim, but rather Marceline the Ice Queen.

Basically, what if in her rage at Patience and desperation to find some way of helping Bonnie, Marcy actually devoured Patience’s soul, and thus inadvertently became the NEW Ice Elemental herself?

Now funny enough, I feel like this change wouldn’t actually have much of an effect on the Elements Arc itself. For one, I highly doubt that Marceline would be in any condition/willingness to actually help Finn and Jake. Remember that the effects of Ice Elemental contamination induce overwhelming ennui and depression.

So if that got dumped onto Marceline of all people? In the midst of her losing Bonnie to her own elemental corruption? Yeah, at this point I think our girl isn’t going to have the will to do more than stay cooped up in her new ice tower singing angsty, gay love songs for her lost candy girlfriend/soulmate with her new ice-fox backup choir. Now of course they would certainly be THE ANGSTIEST and GAYEST love songs you ever did hear, but still.

Like the big danger for Finn and Jake isn’t that Marceline tries to keep them there or is otherwise antagonistic, it’s that her music is so sorrowful/angsty it actually carries the depression-inducing elemental contamination that threatens to sap people’s will to go on and making them think of lost loves. Which could lead to some interesting character-moments for Finn: Like Marceline’s song first dredge up his old feelings for Bubblegum and Flame Princess, but Finn is actually able to push through the depression and yearnings because he’s moved on from those feelings and can recognize that the relationships they represented have either ended (Flame Princess) or never existed in the first place (Bubblegum). And when the songs make him think of Huntress Wizard, Finn is able to push through because he has a far more casual relationship with HW and doesn’t have the kind of deep yearnings for her that would easily paralyze him with depression.

Of course the most interesting part of this new version of Winter Light would be the potential meeting and conversation between this new Ice Marceline and Ice King/Simon. From Marceline potentially musing on how she now knows how Simon feels, to Ice King possibly having a weird, distorted heart-to-heart with Marceline where we see just a glimpse of Simon.

Following this, I don’t see this change having much of an effect on the rest of the arc, with perhaps one small but still noteworthy addition: When Finn, Jake and IK flee the new Ice Kingdom, Finn calls out to Marceline something to the effect of if she does miss PB so much, she should go see her. Then later during Hero Heart when Princess Bubblegum candifies Phoebe and the rest of her flame army, Marceline actually DOES show up in a dramatic and very impressive display of power, possibly with her own ice army. Finn at first thinks she’s here to help, but it turns out Marcy isn’t here to fight, but simply to see Bonnie. And when her followers also start getting transformed by PB, Marceline simply accepts the candification herself to become Marshmaline. Simply because now she CAN be with Bonnie.

You know, all to really dial up the ‘All is Lost’ vibe of that episode.

Now this means that Skyhooks II and the end of the arc play out the same as they did originally, with Finn and Ice King managing to hit the LSP-shaped elemental-reset button and undo everyone’s elemental corruption. I mean, maybe Bonnie and Marcy have a Big Damn Kiss a season early after they get de-candied, but I think it’s easy to imagine they probably already had a BDK off-screen in the original XD

Of course I think we can all agree that the real interesting angle to this change is the potential of Marceline being the new Ice Elemental on rest of the series. Admittedly, it is a bit hard to imagine the existing plot-points for the rest of the series being affected much by Marceline now having some ice powers. Aside from her Dark Cloud kaiju form she breaks out in Come Along With Me now likely being a Dark BLIZZARD form.

Instead, the really interesting potential of this change comes in how this might affect Marcy’s dynamic with Simon and how she might go about adapting to her new abilities. I think we can all agree it would be fun to see Marcy and Bonnie trying to figure out their new elemental powers together. Though consider this: If Bonnie was visited by the spirit/past-incarnation-memories of Chatsberry, what if Marceline ends up being visited by the spirt of Urgance Evergreen? You know, the being who made the Ice Crown?

Really makes you think where something like that could lead…