(via Xamvet)

minneapolis winter aesthetic, driving edition

periodic car horns outside (’f you ask me they sound vaguely like ducks with bad senses of direction who just scream whenever they get too close to each other)

driving very slowly down a hill with a four wheel drive truck patiently following your snail’s pace ass because listen buddy We’ve All Been There

guestimating where the parking spaces in the lot Probably are

plan an extra thirty minutes to brush six inches of frozen nonsense off your windshield and dig trenches behind your wheels before starting your commute

the windshield wiper thing when you park and pull them up so they don’t freeze and your car looks like a bug with antennae 

the knowledge deep within your soul that if necessary you will pilot this vehicle directly into a snowbank and you have made your Peace with this reality

lane dividers are a thing of the past just stick to the right of the road and pray

that look/nod of We’re All Doing Our Best It’s Okay when you fuck up and panic and the other driver sees you

Coolest Lizard In The World Google Search

(ChorpSaway) 8-bit Sanctuary arrangement

-muffled squeaking-

the historical vlad dracula is overrated, his brother radu was awesome

nicknamed ‘the handsome’

died before the age of 40 but compensated by living a full and interesting life that did not consist of fruitless guerrilla warfare interrupted by long boring spells in the slammer

literally the sultan’s favorite boyfriend

you think i’m kidding but i’m not fucking kidding

so his dad who was ruler of wallachia (aka southern romania more or less) sent radu and vlad to the ottoman court as political hostages when they were kids and they grew up there along with the future mehmet the fucking conqueror

you know. the dude who conquered constantinople in 1453, brought an end to the eastern roman empire etc etc

that dude

turns out mehmet had a ridiculous crush on radu

so one day mehmet tried to get handsy and radu thought to himself, what should i do in my precarious position as political prisoner from a small-fry principality on the fringes of the empire when the heir to the ottoman throne is putting the moves on me?

I KNOW I’LL STAB HIM IN THE LEG

so he did. he did that

and then he went and climbed a tree and refused to come down until mehmet got patched up and probably limped over all c’mon baby don’t be like that

like i bet stabbing the sultan got you a one-on-one appointment with the royal executioner. except not for radu because he was that much of a badass

meanwhile vlad was probably planning to LISTEN WHO FUCKING CARES

anyway

so radu eventually of his own volition became mehmet the conqueror’s boyfriend and they went on many exciting adventures together

like the siege of constantinople

where was vlad at the time? being kicked out of his own country because his standard approach to politics was ‘devise new and exciting ways to torture and kill people slowly’. despite what certain history books will have you think he was super unpopular with… everyone basically.

radu was highly educated and spoke multiple languages and was all about turkish and persian literature. also possibly converted to islam though sources tend to contradict eachother on that

by the time radu was 22 mehmet gave him a command and started sending him places

like wallachia to overthrow his brother who was being politically inconvenient

SO MUCH GAME OF THRONES-GRADE BACKSTABBY DRAMA HAPPENED YOU HAVE NO IDEA

also radu married a serbian (or possibly albanian) princess named maria despina and had one daughter

died suddenly in his late 30s, which is code for ‘probably poisoned’

and in conclusion: a genuinely interesting historical figure you don’t hear enough about because his brother was a vampire or something

This is how the golden age of piracy ended.

Seer of Light and Witch of Space

but like. the other way around.

starring two friends who didn’t get nearly enough screentime together

MISS CONGENIALITY (2000) dir. Donald Petrie

Another one in the Cocktail Dresses 2017 revision series!

2 more to go!!

Copaxa syntheratoides by Johanna Murillo