Im fucking obsessed with books
every day should be like i wake up & my first thought is a beautiful idea of a fun & new activity & i spend my day accomplishing it
i fucking hate this body
"If God created all things then God is the Creator of my sadness, my loneliness, my hatred, my rage, my sexuality, my family, my love, my joy, my peace. And God's name is "I AM." So I ask, who is my sadness? "I am." Who is my anger? "I am." Who is my loneliness? "I am." So all things were created from him, but his name is my name. I fulfill myself so I can become living water that I may never thirst again."
for gods sake i just want to take a nap
being mysterious is overrated, time to trauma dump
The ninth doctor was so insane fr he was like I watched my planet get destroyed and I can't share this trauma with anyone. I will fix this by befriending a human girl and taking her to see her planet get destroyed. This is normal behaviour.
can’t stop thinking about that shot where everyone in the room is kneeling and princess irulan, paul, and chani are the only ones standing. paul’s back to chani signifying his betrayal while princess irulan and chani are eye to eye - both heartbroken over what the man between them has done. my chest hurts that was so beautifully executed
Does anyone else feel lonesome?
Not lonely. Not alone. Just... lonesome. Like you don't feel connected to anyone. Like you never feel that you will find anyone that understands you, that will see you truly, let alone someone who will even like you. You see friends everywhere, but you don't see yourself in their place, like that is not for you, like you're not made for that and that's not made for you. You see people having fun and laughing and dancing and getting drunk and falling in love and you just... don't feel that for yourself. Like you're not supposed to have that, like you can't because it's not for you and you're not for it.
Like you're supposed to be seeing all these beautiful things in the world but not experience them yourself. Like you want to experience so much, experience everything, but be overwhelmed by it so you don't do any of it.
Like you want to be everywhere and do everything, but you don't belong anywhere and can't do anything. Like you're not supposed to be here. Not in a self-deprecating way but in an incongruous way. You want to live you want to be alive, but you feel you're not supposed to be. Not here at least, not like this. Just a presence in the world, not an active member of it. Even your body doesn't feel like home, your face isn't a face you recognise, like you're not supposed to have either. Like you're just supposed to be.
Like you're supposed to observe, but not experience.