rated E • <1k words • read on ao3 • for @dnrarepairweek
“Kiss her, Light-kun.”
Matsuda’s voice in my ear feels more like a mosquito than my trusted advisor, but the idea of Matsuda as a trusted advisor is laughably insane to begin with.
I don’t want to kiss her. What I want to do is rip out my earpiece, run to the bathroom, and throw up my guts until I am embraced by death’s loving arms.
Unfortunately, that would require pulling my dick out of Takada, who is currently clenched around me to the point where I fear I might need WD-40 to remove myself. Maybe I can infect myself with botulism in the next two minutes.
I know from last time that Takada would continue until I finished, and my lack of a vagina makes that impossible to fake. She’s sitting on top of me, caressing herself with lascivious performativity, fingers in her short, black hair.
It looks almost like L’s.
I try not to think about him, but he surfaces again and again. He’s like herpes. You might clear him for a couple of weeks, a month, even—but eventually he’ll return like the pus-filled boil he is. Was.
To make one thing absolutely clear, L and I never had sex, despite the myriad allegations and off-color jokes suggesting the contrary. Sex is for people who love each other—or, at least, like each other. What L and I did was far more disgusting.
“Light,” Matsuda sighs into my ear. “Please take this seriously. Give her a kiss.”
I swallow the bile rising in my throat. Takada’s lips are full and pink. I reach up and run my thumb across the lower one to buy myself time.
“Takada,” I say. “You look so beautiful like this.” I hope my dyspeptic expression can somehow be read as awe.
L and me. I don't know how to explain it. There were knocked-over water glasses and twisted up sheets and handprints on the shower door. It wasn't sex. We didn't even kiss. We merely spoke into each other's mouths. There were moments in the middle of the night where he would turn a certain way, just so, and then I would be on him somehow, struggling to pin him down, my knee at his groin as he grabbed my wrists. My eyes would roll back in my head and I would say his name and everything would go blank, but it wasn't sex.
When the moon cut through the room like a razor, we didn't speak. We could barely even look at each other. I would open my mouth like a goldfish and shut it moments later, having said nothing. I searched for the words I wanted to say to him which were, of course, I love you.
“Good one, Light.” Matsuda’s voice is starting to make me want to kill myself. I look around the room for a weapon. Maybe I could bash my own head in with the tea kettle. I’m so glad there’s a kitchenette in this godforsaken hotel room.
“Light, don’t stop.”
It’s unclear exactly what she doesn’t want me to stop because I’m just lying on my back while she moves all around in a way that feels vaguely good in the highly localized dick region but also makes me spiritually ill. Maybe she doesn’t want me to move my hands from her thighs? I grip them a little tighter.
Her legs are soft and hairless. It’s like fucking a dolphin. L wasn’t especially hirsute, but he was pricklier and bonier than she is. And, like I’ve said until I’m blue in the face, we never had sex, anyway.
Takada lifts her arms up to pull her own hair. It’s a little bit ridiculous, but it makes her breasts look high and round like apples. If you like that sort of thing.
I don’t know if I like anything. I can’t stand Takada, and Mikami is one of the most horrendously obsequious people I’ve ever met. I’m sure I could fuck him if I wanted to, but the thought churns my stomach. And Misa—I can’t even think about her without retching. The thought of fucking her is so repellent that it almost makes me enjoy fucking Takada.
I remember this one time. L had me on my back and was sitting on my chest, breathing hard. He had taken the chain that connected us and wrapped it around my neck. It wasn’t dangerous, but we were play-acting like it was. He squeezed and squeezed until I got so hard I thought I might faint. He didn’t touch me—he just sat on my chest, strangling me, until I came by accident. His presence was immaterial. Like I said, we never had sex.
Takada comes, or pretends to, at least. It's a bizarre display, her trembling and grasping at me and thanking me like I did anything at all. She rolls off me and ambles to the bathroom, looking flirtatiously over her shoulder. From behind, her hair makes her look like L. I don't know why I keep thinking that. He wasn't a woman, and I never saw him naked.
I hate her.
I hate myself.
I should die so I don't have to do this again.
But I can't. The world needs me.
For the 'send me a character' ask game:
Is asking about Mikami too obvious? Haha
@catboymettaton asked the same thing,,, you guys know me so well. glad to know that mikami is the first character that pops into the minds of you all when i am concerned
favorite thing about them
God. can i say everything. love love love everything about him: his genuine obsession with justice, something that he has that light doesn't !!!; how from a very young age, he has had this frigid mindset of good and evil like imagine being eight years old and thinking that; the fact that he's just a very huge fan of winston churchill. i love how pedantic and routinely he is, that is one of the main reasons why light failed in the end. he is so predictable that it's a fault, that he clings to his routine so much. he is NOT neurotypical, i love him so much. also love how his priority is his own ideals which he is sooooo fixed on, i'll talk about it a little later in the post.
ALSO i remembered this as i was writing this post but i really like the fact that he kind of absentmindedly thinks that he's the reason for all of this. very very very unexplored aspect of his character.
least favorite thing about them
the fact that he's a very huge fan of winston churchill :((( i am bengali and he is literally the reason why the bengal famine got so bad. shit person in general, hate that guy so much. the whole "kill all lazy people" isn't a good look for mikami either.
favorite line
the obligatory "YOU"RE NOT GOD, YOU'RE TRASH" but in like the opposite note, i really like the line "there is no reason for me to question. God is absolute. my job is to do as God wishes". one thing i find so unfortunate about death note is that none of the lines in animanga aren't very cool. like it's not deep and poetic :( closest thing to a deep line is probably just the "i wish we could have met some other way // this is the only way we could have met" exchange in jdrama.
brOTP
takada and mikami,,, my most beloved. they can conquer the world, i know this. they are best friends to me. mikami seriously respects her a lot and praises her. i just like to imagine them chatting together before they started working with light. just sitting together, talking over politics, current events, kira, their opinions. they both really really need it. on the other hand, put mikami and misa is a room together PLEASE. can't believe they have never had a canon interaction, this NEEDS to happen. one of these days,,, i will write a misa&mikami fic,,, it would be my best project yet i think considering they are the two dn characters i think i understand the most.
OTP
MIKALAWLIGHT 🗣🗣🗣 OTP OF ALL TIME 🗣🗣🗣think about those three every single day,,, my favorite death note ship,,, well technically it's an OT3 i believe but still. i have two modes of mikalawlight i constantly think about, one is in my special little 1stkira!mikami au where L's primary theory is that light is kira and mikami is his accomplice when it's actually the other way around, misa is still the 2nd kira and it's mikamisa in the same way death note is yagamane except mikami doesn't try to manipulate misa like light does. my second mode of mikalawlight is jdrama mikalawlight because it's the only version of death note where mikami actually co-exists with L (i think it's the only version ? don't know about live action movie or german audio drama). there's of course, alternate no death note universe mikalawlight that i think about. ALSO. everyone go read this fic, most perfect mikalawlight ever even though it's tragically unfinished.
nOTP
actually,,, don't think i have a notp for mikami,,, i just really like it when he is there. mikalawlight, mikalight, lawmika, mikamisa, kiyokami, mikavanni, mikamatsu, mikanear, all very very good to me. just have him there and i am the happiest man alive.
random headcanon
while i really don't like christian mikami and how prevalent it is all the time in dn fandom, i do think he believes in something divine, a kind of higher power. it's not a christian god, it's something very specific to him. micah has a fic where they talk a little about him believing in a higher power like that and. nailed it, it's absolutely my thoughts on mikami. a vaguely muslim mikami is something i find really really really funny and something i think about all the time, because his take on the whole killing people thing really reminds me of the islamic concept of jihad. but i don't take that seriously because i am worried that it would be blasphemous. siller mikami headcanons, he can play the piano and violin. he is bisexual with a lean towards men and it's just something he's fine with it, doesn't think much of it. he cuts his own hair.
unpopular opinion
i will be super honest with you,,, back in like 2009-2016ish time frame, i sincerely believe that teru mikami was one of the, if not most, mischaracterized character in death note. it's fine now, there isn't anything outrageous about mikami that's going around now, but have you seen lawlight fics from that specific time. shudders. so unpopular opinion, i have got a lot of. hmph, but i think one of my favorite opinions that i have is that mikami is definitely not the picture of "blind devotion" like he is often made out to be. mikami is actually very independent and correct me if i am wrong, one of the first actions that he does as x-kira is literally oppose light, when he kills demegawa even though light didn't tell him to. i think HE thinks that he is really good at following orders and will do everything that kami tells him to and i also think that light thinks in the same way, that mikami is #1 perfect servant, but mikami's priority first and foremost is his own ideals, as i alluded to before. it's a part of his facade i think, all of his life
that's why he denounced light so easily in the warehouse scene.
so what this all boils down to is that mikami is NOT obsequious and a sycophant. if i did assign the concept of "blind devotion" to a character, it would probably be misa.
song i associate with them
i need to make a playlist about him, i swear to God. funnily enough, i'll put where is the justice from the death note musical in there because that's more of a mikami song than a light song. but aside from that, exit music (for a film) and not really a song, but fitter happier, which are both by radiohead. one of these days, i need to make a post connecting every lyric of exit music to mikami, it's such a him song.
favorite picture of them
can't pick one favorite tragically,,, there is a LOT. here's a mini collection.
^ gymbro mikami will forever be famous to me
^ one of the photos of him that i carry around in my phone case (if anyone wants to see the rest, let me knowww)
Hello! Ao3 has been part of an unauthorized data scrape for GenAI purposes. If your fic has an ID number between 1 and 63200000, it may be a part of the data set and you can file a DMCA copyright infringement notice on the American sites it was uploaded to. Each of you will need to request a takedown.
Here’s a link to the information.
It is a reddit link, but it has the other links you’ll need in one place.
(Tagging with as many medias as I can remember so it gets to more fandoms)
puzzle
fuck. circles on my desktop. maybe if i ignore them they'll go away
блять ну почему всё круглое....
i'm going back to my phone i don't want to see this update...
Certainly! Here is a tumblr post to get rich white champaign socialists riled up:
The reason AI is the Current Thing for libs to get mad at is because it puts the ability to have someone ghostwrite your college essays into the hands of poor people.
Before L boarded his spacecraft, he was teaching it to youth. A very rebellious and unruly youth, one must say. The kind that soon got him entangled with a certain police officer...
or L gets some bad news and has to deal with it himself because no one else seems to understand anything
@lee-is-trans found the english translation of that spanish doujinshi i saw on youtube however it's only available on this browser link and i wanna make sure it lasts forever so here's me spamming all the pictures
michael mell gets bullied by an evil supercomputer.png this is not a michael gets squipped au btw lol i just wanted to draw smth silly. anyways i love this guy forreel <3
cropped ver.
okay... please assume they're clothed and not just poorly drawn blobs... i won't tag this, it doesn't deserve to be in moonriver tag
may I offer you another platonic ship in these trying times
I really need to write something romantic just to push myself out of my comfort zone, but yeah, here's plot
a short summary:
Near marvels at spacecrafts. Near commits crimes. Near doesn't miss Light.