Is This Podcast Really Going To Make Me Fall For The Literal Personification Of Arachnophobia?

My vision for a Carmilla adaption is them leaning into both the fact that the novella is a confession and also that Laura is a liar. I want Laura to narrate that she absolutely didn’t fuck Carmilla while onscreen she fucks Carmilla. My vision.

Psst. Hey. Fucker. *Kisses you* idiot.

It is Wednesday, my TMA dudes...

AHHHHHHH-

Jonathan Sims, you skeptical little archivist, I love you so much but stop discrediting every statement you come across.

As I already said somewhere on tt: "And on this episode of 'Jonah Magnus' "vaguely" homoerotic correspondence' we have..."

I don't want a friend group, give me whatever Jonah Magnus had going on with everyone simping for him.

How dare you make me feel feelings. How dare you make my heart happy and sad and thrive for these characters to then say:

"No, Martin is not going to be okay."

Then, I try telling myself that maybe everyone are gonna suffer in a light amout, y'know... a "spreading the hurt equally" situation.

But then.

Then you add:

"Especially Martin."

Jonny Sims...you really want me to have a breakdown, don't you?

As some friends of mine may know: I could be considered a moronsexual and clownsexual for the sole reason I simp for Buggy The Clown

And Oden's backstory with kid!Buggy

is not helping my condition✨

So um,,, loving the enthusiasm here Mrs. Jude Perry, but burn the dumb little archivist again...and, seeing how much you love the heat, I will drown you in a pool of ice.

Y’all asked for it so y’all gonna get it! I’mma start off with the barebones essentials and work my way to basic definitions. Sit down on something comfy and get yourself your warm beverage of choice and maybe grab a notebook because here goes.

What are runes?

Runic alphabets have been around since about 150 AD and used as a writing system by a lot of Germanic languages. These systems were eventually phased out, slowly but surely, with the progressive Christianisation that started around 700-1100 AD. The three most commonly known (and used?) Are the Elder Futhark, the Younger Futhark and Futhorc.

Runes aren’t, themselves, broadly meant for divination, thought there are a few passages in the Eddas that mention Odin “finding” and using them.

Alright, so which alphabet should I use?

Whichever one you want! I prefer using the Elder Futhark, because it’s the first alphabet I learned and got familiar with, but that doesn’t at all stop you from using the Younger Futhark or Futhorc. I’d heavily suggest making sure you read up on the differences in each alphabet though; Ansuz, for example, won’t look the same, mean the same or even be called the same from one alphabet to another. 

Familiarize yourself with each of them if you want/can, and choose based on your own preferences and criteria. Always work with what feels best for you!

But I’m not really familiar with Germanic traditions / I’m a baby witch, should or can I use runes for divination?

This is the concept that got my goat real good the first time. You do not, in any way, shape or form, need to be experienced to cast runes. This is a notion that is outdated and perpetuated by gatekeepers and exclusionists. No one gives a flying flip how long you’ve been practicing witchcraft, or if you even practice at all!

Divination should be seen as a tool to further yourself and/or your craft. It can be used by itself or in conjunction with other activities, practices or beliefs. I was 15 when I started learning about runes (dear god that was literally over ten years ago) and I had no idea what I was doing back then. I read up as much as I could about the system I was wanting to use and, once I was comfortable with it, I started doing small readings.

It shouldn’t matter how new or familiar you are to divination, rune casting or Germanic traditions. If rune casting feels right to you, you are more than free to use whatever divination method feels right to you.

What should I do before I start a reading?

As a Norse Pagan, I usually invoke my patron deities (Baldr and Loki, in this case), as well as Odin and Freyja, sometimes Gullveig/Heiðr because reasons. I have no idea whether or not this has any actual bearing on the reading itself, as mine were as accurate before I converted as they are now.

Making sure you’re in a quiet and/or comfortable space is also a good idea, even if that just means popping in some earphones and listening to something that makes you focus and feel calm.

This is also a good time to mention that cleansing your runes (stone, bone, wood or otherwise) is a very good idea. I typically do this with candles, incense, a bowl of water and a point of quartz for each element. I don’t do this nearly as often as I probably should, since most people suggest cleansing them after each reading… but, whatever, being lax with that hasn’t bitten me in the ass so far. So if you’re a spoonie, don’t worry: cleanse your runes when you feel they need to be cleansed, and that’s it.

Alright, I think I’m ready; how do I start reading?

Let me start by saying that the bullshit about never reading yourself? It’s just that. Bullshit. Do readings on yourself if you want to. Who the hell is going to stop you. Do whatever you want.

On that note, there are a few ways to cast runes, though these probably aren’t close to being the only ones: 

Intuitively choosing the stones Lay the runes down on a flat surface and let your hand hover over them and pick out the ones that feel right. You can either pick them in order of the spread you’re using, or place the runes where you feel they belong on the spread.

Throwing the stones Make sure you have a large flat surface to work with (preferably the floor honestly) where you won’t drop, scatter or lose a rune. You can use a mat underneath, and read the stones that fall on the corresponding positions in the spread or circle. (You can find many of these with a quick google search, or make your own mat!) Otherwise, you can take the first stones you see facing up and lay those out according to your spread.

Picking them blindly Either you or the person you’re reading pull stones blinding out of a pouch, bag or other container, and lay them out according to the spread you’re using. Pretty straightforward.

If you can think of another method, literally nothing is stopping you from using that instead. The runes are acting as a universal translator for whatever it is you’re tapping into. They’re just a tool to receive a message. How you choose to receive that message is completely up to you!

So I’ve got my runes laid out, now what?

Now comes the fun part. I can only really give you a good run-down of the Elder Futhark, and though it’s a good starting point, I would highly advise you do your own research on whatever alphabet you want to use. Wikipedia is a great place to start, but don’t stop there: look at several different websites and lists and compare. Combine and condense the information for yourself, and get to learn the definitions and meanings for yourself!

ᚠ Fehu • catle wealth, money, hard work paying off, can represent spiritual wealth reversed: effort gone to waste, natural and/or financial loss, greed

ᚢ Uruz • ox physical strength and speed, great energy, courage, masculine reversed: physical weakness, illness, violence, misdirected aggression

ᚦ Thurisaz • thor reactive, destructive and/or defensive force, tendency towards change reversed: dangerous compulsions, betrayal and malice, lies, spite

ᚨ Ansuz • of the Æsir  revelations, intuition, signs and signals, wisdom, power of words/names reversed: misunderstandings, delusions and vanity

ᚱ Raido • chariot physical/spiritual journeys, transition, seeing the bigger picture reversed: crisis, maybe due to stagnation, unwanted disruption

ᚲ Kaunan • torch creativity and inspiration, power of transformation, power of life reversed: instability, lack of creativity, false hope revealed, disillusionment

ᚷ Gebo • gift gifts in the form of sacrifice or generosity, contracts, partnerships reversed/opposed: greed, isolation and dependence, over-sacrifice

ᚹ Wunjo • joy comfort, pleasure, companionship, possibility of going over the top reversed: sorrow and alienation, growing distance, raging frenzy

ᚺ Hagalaz • hail wrath of nature, destruction for the sake of creation, natural order reversed: natural disasters, powerlessness, suffering

ᚾ Naudiz • need strength/growth from hardships, survival, determination reversed: deprivation and emotional starvation, constraints/restraints

ᛁ Isaz • ice challenges and frustration, psychological block, anticipation reversed/opposed: can oppose other runes with malice and treachery 

ᛃ Jera • good year hard work is fruitful, peace, happiness and relief, breaking the cycle reversed: sudden setbacks and bad timing

ᛈ Pertho • vagina secrets, mysteries, undiscovered abilities, choosing your own path reversed: stagnation, isolation and loneliness

ᛇ E/ihwaz • yew tree strength, stability, endurance, trustworthiness, your goal is realistic reversed: confusion, dissatisfaction and weakness of the mind

ᛉ Algiz • elk shield, the instinct to protect yourself/others, connection to the gods reversed: hidden dangers, loss of link to the divine, turning away

ᛊ Suwilo • the sun success and goals achieved, you have the power you need to succeed reversed/opposed: deception, false goals, gullibility, divine wrath

ᛏ Tiwaz • tyr honour and leadership, authority, success in competitions reversed: artistic block, over-analysis and sacrifice, imbalance/conflict

ᛒ Berkana • birch tree fertility in a broad sense, personal/physical growth, new beginnings reversed: family/relationship issues, anxiety over loved ones, abandon

ᛖ Ehwaz • horse steady and gradual progress, teamwork/loyalty, relationships reversed: reckless haste and its consequences, restlessness

ᛗ Mannaz • mankind the self, the human race, your attitude toward others and vice-versa, social awareness, altruism reversed: mortality, self-deception, cunning and manipulation

ᛚ Laguz • water literal/metaphorical flow, imagination, the unknown, chance of loss reversed: confusion/uncertainty, may be making the wrong choice

ᛝ Ingwaz • probably freyr warmth and love in general, tying loose ends, relief, freedom to move reversed: moving without change, fruitless effort, helpelessness

ᛞ Dagaz • dawn breakthroughs and clarity, security, power to change and grow, the ideal reversed/opposed: endings and coming round full circle

ᛟ Othila • inheritance ancestral property, what is most important, spiritual heritage and safety reversed: slavery, homelessness, bad karma, what one is unwillingly bound to

Phew! What a list. These are just brief descriptions and meanings that I’ve been able to compile and condense over the years.

But, what does “opposed” mean?

I see where you’re coming from. As a baby diviner, I, also, was confused by this. But let me explain how I’ve come to understand it! 

Sometimes, if you’re doing a set spread, you’ll have a spot for things like, “what will oppose you”, or “what you need to avoid”. Things like that. If, say, a rune like Suwilo was found in something like that, you’d want to try and keep a sharp mind to avoid deceptions or letting yourself be too gullible.

When runes don’t have a reversed form, their position in your spread will usually determine what they mean. (Though really this is true for literally any rune.)

Anything else I should know?

The best advice I can ever give anyone is to always do what you feel is right. If you find yourself wondering, “Should I do this? Is this right?” If you question yourself at all, you should probably not to the thing and go with something else.

It’s also important to mention that the names I have for the runes may not be the ones that you’ve learned to know them by; a lot of runes can go by different names depending on who you ask and where you look. Do your research, and know the runes by the names you feel are best! (And preferably historically accurate.)

As always, if you have any questions regarding runes and how to read them, please ask me! My ask box is literally always open and almost always empty.

ᚺᛖᛁᛚᛚ ∙ ᛟᚲ ∙ ᛋᛇᛚᛚ

When ur reading your Spooky Fanmail and realize you have enough of it to start an Institute dedicated to your own selfish aims academic research into the esoteric and the paranormal.