Q: Special Review Of 2018 - February 2019, Part 2/2.

shit arctic monkeys say

”plenty water” ”that rock ‘n roll” ”plant” ”yeezus” ”invoice me for the microphone if you need to” ”its rare that we dont look like that” ”jamies fridge” ”hips” ”death ramps ring” ”accidently matching clothes with band” ”LAAAAAAAAAAAADIES” ”glastonbreh” ”miles” ”puppy face” ”jamie’s new hair” ”matthew j helders the third” ”matt = god poster” ”do the macarena to the devils lair moves” ”humbug hair” “dont believe the hype” ”wank friends” ”scummy man” ”scumbag” “17 years old spanish girl” ”what came first the chicken or the dickhead” ”slag” ”alex’s comb” ”i spit nothing but the truth” ”get out me garden” ”alex’s knees” ”fifteen more years” ”sos cover with miles” ”poker face cover” ”the view from…” ”the apollo” ”im a rock drummer” ”alex’s bulge” ”nick and his grammy awards photos” ”fookin” ”alex in a suit” ”jamie cook the name finder of arctic monkeys” ”i cant remember the fucking words oh babe” ”plastic cups?” ”al’s crazy dance on stage” ”alex forgets he’s the singer” ”margarita?4 margaritas no 5 margaritas” ”delighted” ”fuck do you think” ”rock ‘n’ roll poet sex god” ”and the band forgets the countdown” ”nme falls for arctic monkeys” ”b-sides” ”alex turner sex appeal 54” wtf ”jamie ironing his jacket while the band singing knee socks” ”turnergasm” ”its the solo what do you gonna do about the solooo” ”artic monkeys” ”wet humbug hair” ”nick’s true reaction” ”yellam osalohcin ” ”kung fu fighting moves specially bbc reading 2014” ”vertigo” ”we’re arctic monkeys,if you enjoyed our language lesson,please share with your wank friends” ”humbug jacket backs 2015” ”one for the road mic” ”wank bank” ”i a napper” ”the age of the understatement” ”Luke…soy tu padre” ”finsbury park jacket 2014 like a pimp” ”alex’s oral with mic” ”agile beast” ”#0114” ”guilty feet have got no rhythm” ”alex tooks of his shirt” ”Alex responds to a passerby on a jet-ski” ”a fucking broadyway musical” ”alex’s in tight pants” ”got enough room there,love?’ ”pointing something” ”submarine” ”cq man awards speech” ”its just says Matt Helders sings like a crow” ”am south america” ”ay,you stop it” ”hasta la vista” ”alex’s hands” ”do we give you that impression face”

and manys…

What were you wearing when you wrote that riff? (x)

Concept

We’re in Alex Turner’s bathroom

Alex is doing his slicked hair and quiff in the morning

But

It’s being filmed

Matt Helders is there

He’s sitting next to Alex in the bath room wearing a bathrobe

He has a News-style microphone

He’s narrating exactly what Alex is doing

It’s like a makeup tutorial but indie asf

The video is uploaded to Youtube

Named “The View From.. Alex’s hair tutorial” or something

Gets to number 6 on Youtube trending

The audio is recorded and used as a B-side

NME write 53 articles about it

Detail of Flaming June, 1895, by Frederic Leighton (1830-1896)

Anne Boleyn’s appearance

as requested by a-rare-spark

No original portraits of Anne survive - most of the portraits we do have are copies of an original by Hans Holbein. Even if an original did survive, it would always be a flattering depiction. Much like the modern airbrushing, painters would simply not paint in any ‘imperfections’. Without television or travel, the majority of the population would never see the monarch or queen, so a portrait of Anne (or any member of court) would be how they wanted the public to see them, not necessarily how they actually looked. We do, however, have a ring that belonged to Elizabeth I (pictured centre above). Inside the locket there was a miniature of herself and of Anne Boleyn. 

Six fingers? Moles on her neck?

George Wyatt (grandson of Thomas Wyatt, who never saw Anne) claims in his book, Life of Queen Anne Boleyn, that 'there was found, indeed, upon the side of her nail upon one of her fingers, some little show of a nail, which yet was so small’. This would have been the most she had (if she had anything at all), certainly not a full extra finger. The Tudor era was a period in which any physical abnormality was condemned as being a sign of evil, and certainly ambitious noble families such as the Boleyns would have not wanted anyone with any such abnormality to represent their family. So it is unlikely that she would have ever been presented at court had she had an extra finger, let alone succeeded. Anne was a skilled lute player and also played cards - two pastimes that are virtually impossible to do without showing one’s fingers. If she had any major defect to her hands, somebody would have noticed and it would not have had to have been too extreme to cause quite a stir.

This was what Nicholas Sander tried to do in Elizabeth I’s reign. He was a Catholic and wrote a very politically motivated piece about Anne Boleyn. He wrote that Anne had an extra finger, projecting teeth and several large moles on her neck, and it is from this that the modern myth has evolved. However, Sander’s aim when writing was to taint Elizabeth’s reputation by associating her and Protestantism with evil and witchcraft, so as a result it is untrustworthy. 

Her contemporaries

Anne was certainly not the typical English beauty. Their idea of beauty was blonde hair, blue eyes, pale skin. She had dark hair, dark eyes and a slightly darker complexion. Ambassadors at court would have sent back descriptions to their kings of her appearance and although some are more negative, there are none that claim any true ugliness, extra fingers or moles. Some even claim the opposite - Francesco Sanuto describes her as 'very beautiful’ and De Carles as 'beautiful and with an elegant figure’.

Alex Turner iPod start playing a T Rex tune out of the blue.

Arctic Monkeys Problem #213

That one day the Arctic Monkeys will stop making music forever

It has been a looooong time since AM. a long time.